I'd say I have surrounded myself with good people; I am not really worried about any of my friends thinking differently of me. The problem I have with coming out is that I HATE awkward situations. The main reason I would be awkward is because of the "lie," for a lack of a better term. I never put interested in women on Facebook, and I decided that if anyone asked me if I was gay I would give an obscure answer to back away or tell the truth (dependent on person). The thing is, nobody has asked! I still think people like my roommate probably should have known from the start, which I kind of feel guilty for. It's awkward also by the people I will need to tell, so I provided a breakdown: 1. Mom and sister - both already know that I am bi, at least. Oh, search history that I missed -.- lol. Both are very accepting, so I really have no worries about them. The thing is, my mom still mentions girls. I don't know if it is an attempt to make me come out, or her hoping that I am bi? That's what makes this awkward. Plus, my mom can make most situations awkward anyway. I think she has asked me at least three times if I was gay (not in years) - of course, I responded with no. 2. Brother - Hate to say it, but he is probably one of the major reasons that I never thought to come out during or immediately after high school. No idea where he came from; very outspoken, opinionated, and bigoted (yet not religious like my mom). The thing is, we are very good friends, and I really don't want to ruin that. I figure when I no longer have to live with him (still have to go home for a month over the summer), then I can *possibly* tell him. 3. Roommate - Multiple people have said we have a bromance going on. lol. But no, he is very straight. He has no problem with gay people. Me an him frequently have small parties, and one of the first people we invite is a gay friend of ours. The thing is, from listening to him over the past years, he doesn't seem to really understand being gay. I think he has this mentality that every gay guy will want to go after his dick. Plus, he just flaunts that thing after taking a shower… this is where it gets awkward. I'm not attracted to him at all - we are very good friends. But as soon as I tell him, will he be surprised, confused, and no idea what else. We need to pick housing over the next few weeks, so I am conflicted when the best time to tell him would be. 4. Best friend - Well, I think she 'likes' me, if you know what I mean. We met through my first roommate, so she is very accepting. We will definitely still be best friends, but blah… -.- She will probably be the first person I ever tell. 5. Other friends - Will be awkward at first, and I hate gossip. But I do have a circle, and once you tell one, all the others will hear. I don't know which is better: getting it out all at once and not worrying about it anymore, or telling people gradually over time. I'd like to think that most of them think that I am straight, but I just don't know. I am never asked, and many guy friends talk about girls with me… I've wondered if my gay friends suspect it - when I come out I will ask them XD Quite frankly, I don't see the point in telling family yet, since that doesn't really impact me that much at the moment. I'd rather tell my friends and people who I see on a day to day basis, though. That way, I can break free and do what I want. I just feel it will be so awkward at first, and stuff like that will overwhelm me. I will be glad that it's over, but also extremely overwhelmed. Suggestions? I have my up moments (occurring more frequently) where I feel like I want to yell that I love men, and that has been going on for the past week. But I'm being tied down by thinking about the aftermath, which is probably … one to two weeks of awkward feelings? It's tired and I'm late <-- that's how I typed it first, and I'm going to leave it like that lol. Thanks in advance with any responses. =)
I feel the same way. Eventually I just decided to act as if it's not a big deal (cause really its not). I have never outright said that I'm gay but a few people know and if you do have super accepting friends, it shouldn't be a big thing. It might not work for everyone but many times, a subtle hint or just letting people know you find someone attractive is sufficient.
It's awkward for everyone, don't worry. That's because it's still not really universally accepted. But it sounds to me like you should come out to $4 soon, and then see how that goes and extrapolate reactions from that.
Hi, Can I have a show of hands... Who here likes awkward? Hmmm... Not many. Let me tell you about the lie. It is not simply a lie it is a trap, it is a sword of Damocles that will hang over your head and relationships until YOU remove it. Lets say you are a closeted gay. Since you are closeted it makes finding a relationship difficult as you are limited to only closeted gays. If you find a relationship you have two closeted gays continually polishing their lies. The paramount importance of the lie outweighs the value of the relationship. When the lie is in jeopardy the relationship is aborted. Because of the lie both parties stand ready on the EJECT button at all times. There is ZERO security in a closeted relationship. Awkward is nothing compared to a lifetime of no security. Your mileage may vary. Stuck
I completely understand what you are saying! My mother and I are very close, and she probably knows it anyways, but she is one of the last people left for me to come out to. I am not afraid of any negative reaction, and I know she loves gay people. I think the problem, for me at least, can stem from not having enough of a separation in my mind of the differences between the sexual and social aspects of being gay. For example, people don't like to tell their mothers about the last time they had sex, nor hear about their mothers' sexual encounters. I know coming out is not the same thing, but I think I conveyed the message. Perhaps you are struggling with the same feelings? Perhaps not, but I hope I provided some clarity.
