Hello, So I have just received a late phone call from my mother last night telling me she "needs to speak with me...." thinking this. I am here in Texas sweating bullets thinking what does my mother want from all the way from California? lol. So she reveals to me that my little brother had 8 tabs of gay porn on his computer in his room. she has told me that this was not the first time she found something on his computer, she saw 1 page open of gay porn before, but didn't think anything of it. and closed the page, maybe he was curious that first time with 1 page. Do not get the wrong idea, she does not creep his computer, she pays Internet bills and wanted to file her taxes this time so. But my brother being 17 yrs old, has a problem coming home on time, every night. sometimes 2-3am, His dad lets him do whatever he wants"useless father" my mom is more strick and sets rules for him. She sees him checking himself out in the mirror and being in the bathroom hours after hours. My mother also says he goes to some friends house an tells her that they are playing video games and this friend is 19 yrs old. She does not know of any of my brothers friends. She says that he smokes pot with his buddies and gets wasted on liquor.(she smells it). I have no idea that if he does any other drugs, But one late night she went to pick him up from a friends house where he was completely drunk. He then broke down and started crying an telling her "mom I'm a fuck up, I'm fucken stupid and I want to leave an get out of here! I'm a big fuck up" and my mother listen she then replies and ask "what is it and whats wrong? asked if it was his g/f, b/f or school or drugs and he told her "NO" all an every time. my mom then pick up my sister who is the middle child and some how switched an drop off my mother an my sister an brother then went home and he did same thing to my sis. The next day she then aproached him about last night an was it all true that if he still wants to leave(here to Texas with me) and why was he saying all that about himself? He said No that he does not want to leave or doesn't remember any of it. But she was thinking that when your drunk, your true self comes out and so she thought well he is not gay, or just hiding it very well. My mother then spoke to a consular at school...I guess Psyche therapy. i guess my brother has been seeing her or him and my mom then asked the school psychiatrist that she wants to know what they are talking about an she is confused. the psychiatrist then told her that all he/she cant disclose info. and only told her that "your son is leading a double life" and "you Must talk to him". shes been trying to talk to him an I have also been doing the same. She may have been trying to reach in other ways or asking bout this , but until that night she called me I didn't know about the gay porn. so I have been talking to him about school and being home an cleaning his room , respecting his parents. My sis an bro are from my mothers second relations and I was the first child from her first. So we have diff. fathers. but me being half black and Mexican, I have be discriminated and judge and it hurts, so as far as men/woman boys/girls that are gay, It never bothered me ever. I have a girl in my welding class and she is bad ass. But ya being from Texas she says its hard being gay here in the south. But I also understand people being judge mental I told her. So I then answered my mother that he might be curious but that I didn't know. He stood in a sweet 15 with a girl before, and my mom thinks he talks to girls, like she can over hear the cell phone sometimes and and he walks away. typical teenage stuff though. I do not care if he is gay or not, I just do not want him to be confused and with school an the pressures of the world looking at him or judging. I do not want him to hurt himself thinking anything he is doing is evil or something. Can anyone please give me any thoughts, advice, and if any of my brothers actions are smialar? thx Tallgeese
Hi, From what you're describing (and keeping in mind, it's *only* based on what you're describing), I suspect your brother is gay, and probably knows it, and is probably struggling badly with it. Alcohol and drug abuse is very high among closeted gay youth, in large part to numb the feelings of shame and self-hatred, and it sounds like there's definitely some sort of self-medication with alcohol going on. We also can't rule out the possibility that there's a more serious drug problem (I'm led to believe that might be the case by his comments about "being a fuck-up" and wanting to move out of the area; that's a much more common thing with someone who knows they have a drug problem than with someone who is gay and closeted.) I don't ordinarily recommend such things, but in this case, being completely direct with him might be the best choice. Perhaps he can come and stay with you, and you can just talk to him directly and say you know about the porn and the other things, and that you're perfectly OK with his being gay or bi or questioning, but that you can see that it's tearing him up inside, and you feel like he really needs to talk about it. Or... you could have some of that talk and then send him here. We have hundreds of people his age, in the same position he's in, and it's a great, supportive environment where he can come and not be judged and get help and support. You might also talk about alcohol and drug use, but because there's so much shame associated with drug use, don't expect you'll necessarily get an honest answer. If there is a drug problem, particularly with harder drugs such as opiates, cocaine, or methamphetamine, then he may need professional help to quit. I don't mean to be painting a scary picture for you, but I feel like being honest about the possibilities is important. Perhaps it's not that serious, but it seems clear he's struggling and depressed, and I think you may be able to help him a lot more than his mother or father. I portive community where he can get help.
What he needs is love. He's a teenager, and that's the thing they need most. It sounds like he's scared. Scared and lonely. What he needs is a support network that's loving and not questioning. With a bit of love and a bit of support he'll be able to grow and become a bit more stable. And who knows, in time, maybe he'll be strong enough to come out. Or he's just straight and questioning, which is also fine, and in time he'll be able and capable of forming real meaningful relationships. You can help him become this person. Just call him and chat. I reckon you'll be surprised where it might end up x
The best thing you can do is be there for your brother. I can tell he feels lonely like I used to feel in a similar situation. It looks as if the fatherly figure isn't round, so you have to substitute with the best you can. Trust will also play a big part in this process whether drugs, alcohol or gay transformations that are revealed that breaking trust unless necessary is not the best way of going about it.
