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Ugh. How do I get over this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Thieves, Jan 25, 2013.

  1. Thieves

    Thieves Guest

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    Alright, this is kind of long, but please bear with me. So I've recently come to the conclusion -- er, well, not conclusion -- but I've come to acknowledge that I might actually be gay, as in lesbian. I still identify as 'someone who is open' or someone who likes girls too, which means I'm somewhat open to the fact that I guess I could like men if they were the right type. I've considered identifying as bisexual, of course, but for some reason I don't want to call myself that - not yet, since I really want to be sure of myself before hanging onto any 'label', if I choose one at all.

    But I'm beginning to think that it's possible I'm actually gay, mostly because of the clues I'm starting to put together. For example, although I think of myself as open, right now I can't really see myself having a relationship with a man. I especially can't imagine myself having regular sex with them. When it comes to girls, I can imagine everything with them a lot easier, and it turns me on so much. It makes me feel happy. Even in a non-sexual mood, I still want to be with a girl so much. Hell, yesterday morning I just realized with how much I think about girls every day that this must be how hormonal straight/bi men feel a lot of the time! :lol:

    Anyway, the only thing that really freaks me out about liking only girls is... marriage, and children. I'm not saying I don't want to marry a woman, but the whole idea of having a family (if I do) with one and how my family would react to that... it makes me feel uneasy and unsure if I could be with a woman forever without chickening out. And I feel so bad for saying that, I wish I didn't feel that way, but it's what I feel right now. Since two women can't naturally have children together, we'd obviously have to find other methods... and well, I guess it's just hard for me to pull away from that image of a 'traditional' marriage and family in my head, you know? It's funny, because I'm not the type of person who is obsessed with marriage or even dreams about it... but now all of a sudden, it's been on my mind. Will this feeling go away eventually, or is it just normal to think about this kind of thing?

    And if I were to get married to a woman, what would my mother think? We're close, but what if it's weird for her? I just think about if marrying a girl would change how my family views me, or how we interact. I don't want them to think less of me. I don't even know if I'm actually gay, but I can't help but think about this! I just don't know what to do. It's the only thing about being a lesbian that kind of scares me, and puts me off. I guess this was more of a rant than anything, and sorry for this being so long. It was just something I really needed to get off of my chest. Has anyone else felt this way before?
     
  2. myheartincheck

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    Yeah I've felt this way. I understand completely. I try to remind myself to take life one day at a time. My partner and I can decide what we're comfortable with later and together. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Anthemic

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    Ok so, I feel like I just wrote this. You basically said everything that I feel about being a lesbian. That's why I view myself as a Kinsey 4-5 lesbian, instead of bisexual. I have no desire to be in a relationship with a man. I don't even daydream about them. But I tend to flirt a little with them and find some of them attractive. I find men attractive only in looks and personality, but never sexually. I just don't see me being with a man in the future. Guys don't make me feel excited or give me butterflies. But girls... Jeez, just a text from a possible crush makes my heart drop to my feet. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    This was my issue when I first came out at 18, and by the time I turned 19, I knew for sure that I was gay. I just couldn't deal with it at that time because I had been dating a guy who's now, the father of my kids. I never thought about marriage because I knew that it would have been a mistake.

    It sucks that I cannot raise my kids in the same household with both parents, but that's okay. It took me a very long time to accept that. I mean, we tried, but I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I have 3 boys and I would love to have a girl in the future. I was opposed to the idea of doing it the "non traditional way", but I'm more open to the idea now. That was the main why I couldn't accept myself, but after watching The Real L Word, it's possible. I needed reassurance I guess and I got it; it'll be okay, you know. It has to be, don't sacrifice your happiness for the sake of others. That's what I've been doing with my kids father even though I do love him, but not like that. By denying my true desires, I changed; I became very angry and bitter.

    ---------- Post added 26th Jan 2013 at 02:16 AM ----------

    Just think about the present, I used to over think things, which caused a ton of anxiety. I kept second guessing myself when I knew for sure how I felt. My parents, my entire family knows about me and they're very accepting. I think your mother will be too, especially if she wants to be a part of your life. Hang in there, I'm here for you (*hug*)
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Jan 25, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2013
  5. KTWK

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    It's awesome that you already realize this! Some people never realize this and they struggle their entire lives because of it.

    But as some have said already, there's no need to worry about it until you find that person, be it man or woman, that you want to spend your life with. Then you can really think about it, and you can do it together.
     
  6. Kat432

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    I'm feeling the exact same way as you at the moment. I already have two children, but I definately want more, especially after having a miscarriage a year ago. It's so difficult isnt it. I only joined EC yesterday but already I feel better by everyones comments, knowing you're not the only one really helps. I guess its just gunna take time to find out how we really feel. I dont want to label myself either, because I'm really not sure if I'm just curious, bi or gay. It's tough, I hope you find your answers soon :slight_smile: