No, not really. Complete opposite. So, where to start. I don't know. All I know though is that I'm tired of his bullshit and constant putting-down, mixed with a huge batch of homophobia that I'd love to live out in the Pacific Ocean so I wouldn't have to deal with him. Every time my mum tells me that I'm a decent human being, and praises me, and tells me that it's perfectly fine to be gay, and I'll make a great girlfriend someday, my dad opposes all of these thoughts and statements. I can never talk with him rationally about it, and he keeps rambling on about how wrong I am as a person because I like the same sex. Just today, he thought it would be perfectly acceptable to call me, and act nice while on the phone, just so he could find out where my mum and I were eating for lunch. I figured I'd be nice, so I told him and he said he'd meet up. About 15 minutes later, he shows up. He walks over to the table and says, "I need a minute with CJ here - excuse us." (I'm lost at this moment wondering what's going on.) We both walk outside of the restaurant, and he just explodes. He goes, "You're not gay. Stop this bullshit act; I know you want attention but this isn't the way to get it. You wouldn't even fucking know because you haven't had a boyfriend from what I know, and you're so blind and close-minded it's unbelievable." At that point, I started crying but I had to restrict myself so I could go back in and not make a sobbing fool out of myself in public. My mum sees that I'm clearly upset, and she and dad go outside and I'm sitting alone at the table, covering my face with my hands while trying not to think too much about what he said. Clearly they both got into an argument, because he leaves, and mum and I go back home without saying one word to each other. I've only been home for a good 20 minutes and all I've done is lock myself in my room wondering if I should self harm again, overdose on something, or just knock myself out and sleep until tomorrow. I really, really cannot take this anymore. My dad is a vile, vicious person who's abused me both mentally and physically over various things and he almost punched me today just because he doesn't agree with me. He thinks I'm a liar and a failure of a daughter, but I don't know how to get away from him. He's toxic to me. I bet if he weren't in my life, I'd be so happy and confident with myself - I'd be a completely different person. Sigh. Man that was a rant, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to do. I'm going to have to deal with him for the rest of my life most likely, but I can't tolerate his shit. It's so fucking draining. I wish suicide were easy, like I could just push a button and disappear at this point.
I'm sorry about what you're going through. I honestly don't know how you feel or what its like to go through something like this but I will say try to keep your head up. It may not be now or even 10 years from now but one day your dad is going to realize how awful he was about your situation and feel horrible for it. Hopefully when that day comes you will be a bigger person and forgive him for it and things will be ok.
Yes, you have to deal with him. No, you don't have to care. I have found that, despite intuition, the best way to not be annoyed someone is to just not care. Think of it this way: he can say what he wants, but it won't change anything. Anyway, you can probably cut him off once you get to college. I'm really sorry you have to go through this and I hate to give tough advice, but just try to be apathetic about it. And don't hurt yourself; that won't solve any problems.
Please please please please what ever you do, do NOT self harm! I just lost an amazing role model to me becausE he was beaten and discouraged too... Just because he was gay. It's really great that you have your mum there for you but your dad is outrageous he needs a reality check. What ever happens it's not your fault and your dad is completely wrong... Just what ever happens sled harm is never an option!
Well, definitely don't harm yourself, that brings no solution. If I could give any advice, it would be this; Prove somehow, someday to your dad that it ISN'T for attention. He needs to accept that you are truly a lesbian, no in-betweens. And at least your mum is accepting! That's always a plus ---------- Post added 25th Jan 2013 at 11:51 PM ---------- somehow, *someway
I know it's hard, I've had the same problems with my father. Rise above it, stop talking to him, and don't act like you care about him. Let him think that it doesn't matter, and let him know you don't want to talk to someone so harmful to you. He will either wake up, feel terrible, apologize, and never make these mistakes again, or he won't. If he can't ever realize it and accept you, and if he's always going to treat you this way, there is no place for him in your life.
I didn't do anything to myself last night, I was just kind of overwhelmed at the moment and wasn't thinking properly. I'm not going to harm myself or do anything, but I definitely want to separate myself from him. It's kinda scary considering that he could stop by my work at go off at me at any given moment if I avoided him and he played his stupid passive-aggressive games. But I'm just going to be calm and assertive about it. I know I'm better than him and his shitty attitude anyway, and anyways I'm too valuable of a person to lose over somebody like him. I'm just sooooo so so fed up of this daily basis shit from him, but I'm going to just slowly distance myself from him with every chance that I get. Hopefully we'll learn to keep his half-assed assumptions to himself and let me go my own way. If not, his problem. Thanks everyone.
