Will I ever find a girlfriend

I am just like you. I don't have any issues with my body, I'm certain I'm at least a little handsome when I primp myself up. However, I tend to be very closed off to people. I'm not obviously shy, I hide it behind a social mask. When I meet someone, I tend to act according to what I think they'd find normal, and hence I rarely develop meaningful relationships. It's only recently that I've begun to notice that, and am working to fix it.

For the last few years, I wondered if I would ever meet someone who I could love. I had crushes, but they were purely physical attractions (just for the novelty of being with someone, not really because of the person unfortunately), and faded pretty quickly. Fast forward to this (well last) year, I came to my final year of school expecting it to be dull as usual. In my very first class of the year, I met a guy who I just clicked with. We were so alike, I quickly fell for him and knew what love really was. He's bisexual too, but unfortunately after months of confusion, it turns out he didn't feel romantically about me. However, we're still great friends, more than many friends are, and I'm glad to have him ^_^.

I hope you don't get the wrong point from my experience. Although it was painful being so confused, and eventually learning he didn't feel the same, I wouldn't give the experience up for anything. Even unrequited love is a beautiful thing, and it really changed me as a person. Furthermore, the fact that I met a guy I liked that much just incidentally in a class inspired me to believe that there could be more guys out there that may make me feel the same, who knows.

I assure you that if you do the following: get out, socialize (honestly too, try and open up to people so you can form meaningful connections), work on your own interests and hobbies, you will meet someone some day. The reason so many people, myself included, spend so much time wondering why we haven't met a soulmate, is that we just miss so many opportunities, passing up on importunities to make a connection with someone, or never opening up to them (hence nothing meaningful forms). I assure you, you will find love eventually, and when you do, it will be the most wonderful thing you've ever had in your life. I know that may make it even harder to wait, but trust me, it's worth it.

When it comes to figuring out who's lesbian and who's not, I'd not worry about that so much. If you send some hints yourself (like really subtle flirting, nothing that would be offensive to a straight person, but may catch the interest of a lesbian/bi girl), they will gravitate towards you. You'll eventually notice that you both seem to be shy around each other, and at that point you can try and bring the topic up (i.e talking about gay marriage is a great way to segue into coming out to someone). If you mention you're lesbian, and she is too, she will almost definitely tell you, even if she's not out completely yet. It's so easy to come out to someone who's just come out to you.

 

It sounds like you just need practice and confidence boosting.

I get panic attacks if I'm not careful and get them over nothing. One thing that helped me was to practice breathing, sing a song, and think about a technical problem like C++ programming or a science thing. Sometimes even going to the bathroom to calm down and just relax can help in crounded places.

Your in college right, try taking a public speaking class or club. I found that public speaking really helped me and you would be surprised at how many people are terrified of just talking in front of friends! It will help you get use to the idea of just bing the center of attention and your anxiety will lessen with practice. It will also help you in creating conversations on the fly and be comfortable in groups.

So you have trouble talking to girls ey? If you have friends who are girls talk to them about it. You don't have to mention the fact that you like girls. Just say that you want to make more friends or ask another girl a question or even that you want to ask a girl where she got her purse. They may have done tips or ideas on how to struck up a conversation without feeling silly or nervous. There are also tips online that can help you so just browse around and see what would be most helpful to you.

Lastly just be yourself and practice! There is nothing worse than acting like someone else and not being who you really are! I should know.

So good luck sweety and just try your best. Things won't change overnight. Give it time, keep your head up, and remember to stop and enjoy life. We all only live once and even if we go it alone for a while just remember that you will always have people in your life who love you for who you are!! Be it family, friends, or a stranger. So keep strong!

Hugs

 

I've tried dating sites and had a ton of success, but there have been a few girls who did not look anything like their pictures. I also suffer from anxiety, which makes going out very scary and it's ruining my life. I used to be so outgoing, but now, I'm stuck in a rut, so I feel your pain. I think taking a class in public speaking would be a great idea. Even though it helped me, but to a certain extent; I feel like I'm right back where I started.

It's going to take time and practice to build up your confidence. That's what I seem to be lacking especially since I gained 10lbs. I can remember when I used to approach any girl that I found attractive and I'd compliment her. But lately I haven't been able to pull it off. Now, I get nervous, freeze up and I start acting like a weirdo, fml too. It's not easy, but it's possible to overcome, just keep trying and never give up

 

I have no doubts about you. Sometimes it is as simple has hearing that you are capable of finding love!

You WILL find a girlfriend. Like the amazing inputs from the posters above it, it comes down to confidence. Which is awesome, because confidence is something you can change about yourself, it is difficult to do, yes but you can change it.

I think also just taking small steps to being 'out' not even full out of the closet but just enough to help you meet others. I think this is a huge mental block in:

A. creating confidence
B. Anxiety

If you can step out a bit, I bet you would see these two areas improve--even if it is just the slightest. College usually is a very accepting place and I'm sure with a little searching and risk taking you will be able to find others

Again, you will find someone. You deserve a great relationship and you are special! So go get 'em!! <3

 

Looking for a Relationship: Simpler than you Might Think.

Great thread written by one of the admins here. Great advice and plenty of information.

 

Same boat here. Being single sucks :/

 

Indeed it does but don't let it get you down! There someone out there for everyone.(*hug*)

 

I sure hope so!

 

I know exactly how this feels, its been 7 & half years since I stopped dating or havinig sex bc it upset me so much that I could never be myself in a relationship with a girl. Ever since April 2012, Ive been trying to meet someone with NO luck. In my city, none of the lesbians here accept me as one of them really (with the exceptions of a couple lez friends I have that Id never consider asking out bc I need them as friends too much) & all Im stuck with are online relationships where I always get nothing but hurt, usually by fakes or girls who cant follow thru or like me & then do a 180 & decide they cant accept me. Im insanely, heartbreakingly lonely & Im getting to the point where Im ready to just give up - completely. Im just really not even seeing the point anymore & everytime someone tells me to 'hang in there' or 'it'll get better one day' I feel like screaming it hurts so much to hear those words now. Im really feeling like I should have just stayed in the closet & been miserable that way rather than come out like I did & face the very real likelihood I will never get to have anyone want me. And with the shit family I have, Ive pretty much given up on the words 'I love you' ever holding any meaning for me at last. Sorry for the self-absorbed ramble, I just needed to say all this somewhere...

 

Well, let me tell you what your problem may be and is the same problem for MANY people: your trying too hard to find someone right now!

Everyone feels they have to find a partner or they have to be in a relationship or it's going to be a lonely road if I don't find someone right now in my life. I'll tell you right now it's all bullshit. I have meet many people who are gay, bi, or whatever you call it, finding true love later in life. So no matter what don't give up or feel worthless. As long as you are alive and yourself you WILL find a partner one day. But you don't have to look so hard or even look at all. I have a friend who didn't find his true love until age 40, and his true love lived a house away.

So don't look so hard, live your life, and try not to worry. There is someone out there for everyone. Otherwise why the hell are there soo many of us?

 

A girlfriend will NOT solve your problems. You will only pass your problems (baggage) onto her to deal with, and in effect, will weaken the relationship. Your salvation comes from within. It requires work. Some girl will not replace the work you need to put in to helping yourself. That's why they call it helping yourself.

Start working on yourself, and the RIGHT girl will come into perspective.

 

I can understand the being alone, but I have never had a partner in my whole 25 years of life. I make up for it by surrounding myself with good friends and focusing on work\college. And having a girlfriend will not instantly solve problems.

I know and understand that it's hard not having a partner to share your life with. To watch the friends around you find a girlfriend while you are still alone. But there is someone for everyone. So until you find that person you need to just focus on yourself and keep growing into the person you want to be, take it a step at a time. And you may find love will come looking for you.