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i don't get it.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nintenfreak92, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. Today my mom found one of my notes that I was going to give a friend( it involved me coming out). Well she confronted me about it and asked why I would be so stupid as to tell someone else about me(I have only told her that I am out to 1 person at school.) I wasn't happy. She said that her friend who is gay waited till he was out of college to come out and that I should do that. I don't understand she should be happy for me, but she is mad that I told someone else. I dont know how to react. I am mad that she is not proud that i am happy with myself and that I trust my friends, i don't get it. :help:
     
  2. SkyTears

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    Boy that really sucks. Maybe she still has hopes that it is a "phase"?
     
  3. She was supportive when I told my First friend and then she found out I told someone else and got really mad.
     
  4. iPieman

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    I guess she thinks if people find out that you're gay at school and it gets spread around that some of the 'haters' would get wind of it and cause trouble for you.
    I can see where she's trying to protect you but she reacted the wrong way about it.
     
  5. She asked me why I needed to tell anyone else, why couldn't it just be my secret.
     
  6. iPieman

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    I'm sorry, that doesn't sound very supportive to me.
    You said in your original post that you told her a while ago but I don't understand why she would want you to keep it a secret.

    Perhaps Becky would be able to shed some light and offer a suggestion or two on why a parent would do this?
     
  7. Martin

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    Although it wont seem like it, she will just be trying to protect you. Being gay in high school is really not the safest and comforting environment, and as a mother she will feel it's her duty to protect you from that. She isn't trying to push out the fact you're gay, she does not want people making you feel bad for who you are. Sadly she expresses this in a way that looks completely the opposite to her true intentions.

    If you want to tell your friends then feel free. Just remember that your mum is only trying to look out for you and make sure your time in high school is enjoyable. She probably wouldn't forgive herself if she let you do it and the whole school found out and you got ridiculed for it. In her eyes she is protecting you, and this is one of the ways she is doing so. She does not know your friends like she does. You're telling somebody you know you can trust, but from her perspective you're telling somebody who could not be mature enough to handle it and will go and gossip and use you as a bullying target.

    You need to talk to her and tell her that you trust your friends. It's your life and who you choose to tell is your choice.
     
  8. Louise

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    Martin probably has a point but it sounds to me that you mum is still in some form of denial. She has accepted what you have told her but now it must remain a dirty little secret that only the family can know about!

    You need to help your mum come to terms with your homosexuality, maybe get her some resources. I am sure if you PM Becky she will be more than happy to send you through some stuff.

    Part of a mum's job is protecting her babies, I am sure your mum wants to protect you from the big wide world but the way she is going about it is possibly not the best. Try talking to her without things turning into a shouting match or a confrontation.

    We mum's don't always get it right so go easy on her, I am sure she is doing her best, or what she feels is her best.
     
  9. beckyg

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    What your mom probably doesn't realize is that kids are coming out earlier these days. That is a good thing! Although, yes there may be more bullying and harrassment than if you waited until college. The point is she should trust you to make those decisions for yourself.

    I would be happy to send PFLAG stuff for her, just PM me with your address.
     
  10. Thnx everyone, I think she is trying to protect me an I understand but I just want to be me and I trust my friends and I know who to tell and who to not tell.
     
  11. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    My parents are similar. They seem to not want me to tell too many people in case I get bullied. I can understand their point of view, but ultimately, I know best the climate at my school and it is our choice. :slight_smile:
     
  12. Nicvcer

    Nicvcer Guest

    That sucks man, don't let her stop you from coming out. and tell her to stop reading your damn mail?!
     
  13. acorn7

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    Parents are like that... but if you're confident coming out will do more good than bad (seems like that's the case), totally go for it.
     
  14. wherewulfe

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    she's worried for you, being in high school and gay is like going through hell, only rarely will it work out nicely
     
  15. Andrew1403

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    you should tell her that you cant just keep going around living a secret for your whole life..tell her to wake up and smell the coffee. No offense,but that comment sounds kinda arrogant IMO.
     
  16. Charlie

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    Your mom was growing up in a time when gays were beat up or killed. Oops I almost forgot it really has not changed much and that is why she wants you to wait. I'm sure you heard about the eighth grade boy that gave a valentine to a boy that was straight and the boy came back with a gun and killed him at school. Times have not changed as much as we would like to think they have and so she loves you so much she is afraid something bad could happen to you.
    Second, As a parent myself don't think for a moment she is not proud of how well adjusted you are but growing up is difficult to begin with without adding such a burden if you live in a place that will be difficult to be who you are as a gay man.
     
  17. NathanHaleFan

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    She probably means well, but I think she's misguided (although I think Charlie has a point). Don't let her ruin your coming out-- continue exactly as you would have before she found out.