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Coming Out Problems

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Doglover, Mar 3, 2008.

  1. Doglover

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    I really want to come out, I don't like to be bottled up with secrets.

    But, there are some major problems. It's not really a matter of whether or not my parents will be mad, they often tell me that they would "Accept a son even if he was gay" (which leads me to think that they're suspicious) But whether or not they'll say I'm too young to know. If they did, I wouldn't know what to tell them. Also, I get really, REALLY nervous a lot and I would have such a hard time to get it out of my mouth.

    Then there's the problems of coming out to my friends. I don't think THEY would accept me for who I am. They would believe me, since they're the same age, but everyone of my friends (as far as I know) is straight and often say things like "Ah, dude that's gay" or "Oh you 'fag'(I really don't like that word)."

    So I need some options, I've thought of some...
    1. Only tell my BEST friends who I know would accept and believe me.
    2. Tell my friends but don't tell my parents
    3. Find a gay friend to hang out with, and not let my parents know he's gay (that one might just be for me though =P)
    4. Don't tell anyone and wait till I'm older (like 15-16) (I don't think I could wait that long)

    So I really need help. Please help me EC!
     
  2. Wired106

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    Well, I'd personally start out by telling your parents because I highly doubt they would take it back and be mad at you. If you want to tell them really badly you can do two easy things besides telling them face to face. You can email them a letter and talk about everything you would of wanted to tell them, or you can write a letter and put it somewhere your mom or dad will find it. I'm pretty sure they will be ok with it because of what you said they said, and also, it is easier telling you're parents when you're younger though. That's what I think at least.

    But with your friends, I'm not sure if I would come out to all of them at once. Maybe you should start off by telling the hardest people like your parents, and then start from there. Try by telling your closest friends and make sure they won't spread rumors and tell people. But really, tell your parents. They would be really happy to find that out because imagine if you were a parent, and you weren't sure if your son was gay or not. I would really want to know and it would be great if they told me. They might be thinking that and if you don't think you can tell them face to face and talk about it, you should trying writing a letter. Good Luck though! :slight_smile:
     
  3. sdc91

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    Well your parents sound okay with it. Just let them know it's not a phase.

    As for friends, they might come around. It's just normal middle/high school pressure to fit in and shy away/disparage anything gay, but if they're good friends they'll come around and be your biggest supporters. It's your choice on that.

    Just as a side note, by coming out this young, you might be typecasted as the "gay guy". Then again, everyone is probably labeled in high school anyway, and waiting until college is just too much.
     
  4. iPieman

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    Kids (not meaning to be patronising)have been using 'Gay' as a negative since Jesus was alive.

    My favourite all time use of the word was when I was at school and someone said "This chair is gay."
    Now, I always overthink things so I turned around to him and said:
    "How do you know? Is it trying to penetrate you?"
    He had no response :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Most 13 year olds these days tend to go with the crowd and are, for the most part, unable to think for themselves. So you will get people who might not care about you coming out but will be afraid of appearing gay themselves and will act all macho and say what everyone else is saying.

    Being at such a delicate age I would advise you to not raise the issue with people at your school who you don't 100% trust.
    If you have a really (and I mean REALLY) close friend who you know will react positivley and not have an announcement made in the school paper I would speak to them.
    Alternativly, you could make an appointment with a school counselor?

    Those would be my suggestions to someone in your position.
     
  5. Gerry

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    It sounds as though it will be easier coming out to your parents rather than your friends. It's usually the other way around. Lol. But just tell your parents when you feel you're ready. Say it a few times over to yourself and get it out that way. As for your friends, you should tell them when you feel is best. If they cannot accept you for who you really are then they are not really your friends. I mean, your orientation has no impact on your friendship with them and things should go on as normal. That's the best advice I can give.
     
  6. Trumpetplyer23

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    Pieman, you remind me of my math teacher with your comeback. Story. So, its math class, one of the jocky guys says, 'this formula is gay!' and my math teacher looks at him straight-faced and says, 'what, its not gay, it isn't trying to have sex with other formulas. lol
     
  7. beckyg

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    It sounds to me like your parents already know. I'd start with them first. Then you can take it one day at a time with your friends and come out when and if you feel its the right time. Good luck!
     
  8. SamAlex728

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    hey jaden, i had 1 of those problems. when i came out to my mom, i coulnt say it. the words wouldnt come out. i finally just wrote down on a piece of paper "i'm gay"
    my mom was ok with it and she says shes known 4 longer than me. i dont know about ur parents, but my mom was definitely suspicious and sort of got that look on her face like "i knew it" when i told her.
     
  9. Wander

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    I think the others have given good advice on your parents, so in regards to your schoolmates...

    I would choose only the closest friends who you KNOW would be fine with it, and start with them. A large part of the middle/high school population just isn't old enough to say "Sure, I'm fine with it" and move on. If you suddenly come out to a large group of people, the news will probably spread and you'll be labeled by people who don't know you. Keep it among your close friends and first and branch out from there.