I don't mean to sound needy or anything like that, I just feel so alone right now... Sort of like no one truly understands me and that no one really will. I was taken in by a guy who turned out to be fake back in August (I didn't know it at the time) and I put in four months of my life. Constantly talking, and he seemed to really understand me. Well, I got rid of him about a month ago now (after I found out he wasn't real), and I guess it's all starting to settle in now. I'm alone. We were totally online and over the phone, but right now I miss and need a physical relationship with someone. Not sex, just someone I can cuddle with on these cold nights. Someone I can be with and someone who truly understands me. I came out to my parents and they were upset I didn't tell them sooner about the struggle I went through. But the thing is, they could NEVER understand. No matter how much I could try to explain or how much they could empathize, they will never truly know. And they feel like they DO understand. I'm calling bull:***: on that one. They will never know the feeling of coming to terms with being gay. Never know what it feels like if someone outs them. Never know what a release it is to tell someone you trust about this part of you. Never understand the struggle of being a Christian and gay. Never know the range of emotions I went through. Emotions that I have no real name for. No matter what I do or say, they will NEVER get it. IF and only IF they had gone through this process, they will never totally get it. Okay, I'm starting to get a little angry now... I just want to find someone who will understand. Someone who can hug me and tell me things will be all right. Yes, I know it will, but I need someone to be there for me... But it takes a lot for someone to get to know me well enough for what I need... And I'm a shy person, so it's tough for me to actually START talking to someone. Yes, I plan to get to GSA meetings and start talking to others, but I don't know. I don't know how comfortable I'll be there or how long this lonely feeling will last and if I'll be able to handle it for very long... I don't know what I was hoping to do writing this... sorry it's a little long...
We area a whole lot alike. I posted something similar to this last week. I feel alone, too. The cold, hard truth is that a lot of us are alone in the world of being gay. I have wonderful friends and a fabulous family. I'm glad your family still loves you! But it doesn't change what I feel. I've described it as living in a lovely house during a dinner party. There's people there, it's going great....and all is well. But once I go to bed (my gay side) it's all over. I've done plenty of stuff online. It's all I had. I've had like, 3 encounters with a male. I'm a virgin and have never kissed a guy. What's hard for people to understand is that we have no person to tell us "this community loves you." We don't have gay friends. EC is nice but it's not the same. My only advice is.... Try your best to move on. Get a hobby, volunteer..anything. I've spent so much precious time worrying why I'm without a guy, when I just need to live life. Post on my wall or add me. I'm always here. I get what you're going through!
Well, at least the fake guy you talked to on the internet didn't waste any face-to-face time. I'm actually feeling pretty alone right now too. Coming out has been great, and I feel free to express myself with friends about my frustrations. I've never been in a real relationship with anyone (real relationships to me equal one that includes sexual and emotional intimacy), and I've tried meeting people online. The thing about online dating is, it's a great way to MEET people, but a horrible way to start a relationship. Everyone who signs up to a dating site, or whatever, has to articulate their personality in some way to give others an idea of who they are. Everyone has a persona they fulfill online. It takes little courage to talk to someone online because the risk of a painful rejection is completely digital. Trying to have a relationship for 4 months online/on-phone simply won't work, imo. It probably has worked for tons of people, but I don't believe in it. I think once you meet someone online, there is a timeframe when you need to meet in person, and once that timeframe's expired, the chance of a relationship declines. There's a guy in one of my classes that fits my ideal partner in terms of height, attractiveness, intelligence, and personality. It is intimidating as hell to approach him. He's openly gay, looks to be confident in himself and has pride for who he is. I want to introduce myself to him, but haven't afforded myself the opportunity yet. Tonight, I am completely alone, working on homework and thinking about things I want to be doing with my time right now, rather than enjoying the moment. I don't drink whatsoever, but I want to go to a gay bar to be social and network. That's frightening. I have no one to go with, I wouldn't know what to do once I got there, and the uncertainty drowns my courage. I'm rambling. You're not alone in the isolation. It's only temporary as long as you keep making the next step. My next step is introducing myself to the guy in my class, and seeing where it leads. I took myself off the dating site after setting up a date with a guy, he wanted me to come over the day we started talking.. after midnight.. Obviously, he wanted some physical interaction, and promiscuity is a huge turn-off for me. Not everyone online is like that. I was on there and didn't want rando sexual encounters, so I know there are others out there. Yeah, the loneliness sucks. For me, I'm introverted and can spend countless hours alone and be fine. Lately, I've realized I want someone to share my time with. You can be lonely and be in a relationship, so don't think relationships will fix emptiness. Figure out what it is you're searching for. A person won't make you whole, and you won't make another person whole. That's a gift you give yourself, and it's an incredible journey learning to be whole.
The funny thing is, I'm 100% introvert. At least, according to the personality test I took. But I don't doubt that at all. But here's the full story of that fake I met online: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/81786-its-been-long-road.html Good luck with the guy in your class. I couldn't do any purely sexual relationships either. I want a real relationship that starts from friendship and works up to dating.
Oh my god.. Yeah.. Let me reiterate what I said before: The thing about online dating is, it's a great way to MEET people, but a horrible way to start a relationship. Everyone who signs up to a dating site, or whatever, has to articulate their personality in some way to give others an idea of who they are. Everyone has a persona they fulfill online. It takes little courage to talk to someone online because the risk of a painful rejection is completely digital. Trying to have a relationship for 4 months online/on-phone simply won't work, imo. It probably has worked for tons of people, but I don't believe in it. I think once you meet someone online, there is a timeframe when you need to meet in person, and once that timeframe's expired, the chance of a relationship declines. It sounds like you just wanted to believe him... those are some outrageous stories he told... If I were you, I would have to pass any future dating prospects by a trusted friend to make sure you don't get yourself into another similar situation. That's.. just crazy as hell. ---------- Post added 26th Jan 2013 at 08:52 PM ---------- Please, please never talk to that person again. I don't see how you could think there's even a possibility of him being real, and if he was (WHICH HE'S NOT), he's a poisonous, disastrous person that you must avoid.
Wow, I read your "Long Road" post, that is absolutely crazy. I'm so sorry it turned out the way it did, I can't even imagine. Oh, and you have no idea, I feel alone as well. It sucks, but I agree with Photoguy, we just have to try finding other stuff besides a relationship to make us happy, since true relationships are so freakin rare. But, oh boy it sure would be nice just to do something as simple as hold hands (that sounds cheesy but oh well) or cuddling with the guy I love. I've never had any sort of intimate relationship anyone, and no one knows I'm gay so that is virtually impossible anyways. At least your parents are trying to understand though >.>
I can empathize with you, I used to be you. Never again date someone virtually. Internet is all fun but you'll never get to know a person whether he is what he is, unless you arranged to meet in real life. Just keep holding on okay? You're 18, still young, don't need to worry about that, go out and live your life. I am sure you'll find someone one day. As for your introvert issue, try to change yourself. When someone asked you out to a party of whatsoever, say yes and go with the flow, if you only keep it to yourself, you won't meet someone. If you ever feel despair, remember this, Somewhere, someone, is looking for me. Keep your chin up, buddy!
NEVER again. I can swear on that one. And I can't really "fix" being an introvert. I get shy constantly. If I'm in a group, I let others talk while I listen. Sure, I try to put in a comment here and there, but I don't have much to add to what the group is talking about. I was invited to a party last night, but I didn't go. According to one of the girls, guys weren't allowed. But I'm trying to be more social.
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Susan Cain: The power of introverts - YouTube Also, from the tone in your first post it sounds like you are getting defensive and are driving a wedge between yourself and your family, and you probably have a right to; However, from experience I know that such an attitude gets you nowhere. I realize that you feel very hurt and betrayed, but as a human being you are stronger than this, do not let the actions of other rule your feelings, do not let other people control you. This is a trying time, but you will overcome it and you can learn from it. But, just because one guy betrayed your trust, do not think that everyone looking for love on the internet is like that. Just look at EC, this place is full of genuine people, this site is proof that not everyone on the internet is a jerk. The internet is a great way for us introverts to meet other people, don't give up on it so easily. That is not to say, don't be careful, but don't just wright something off because of one incident, don't let what someone else has don't ruin something for you. However, ultimately what you chose to take from this is up to you, do what you find comfortable when it comes to dating, I just hope that you don't this incident rule your decision making process. I wish you well in your further endeavors.
What I really learned from Charley was to not trust people on the internet so easily. And yes, I realize that EC is a great site with great people. But before I met him, I promised myself not to do any online dating. I'm just going back to that. I'm not trying to put a wedge between me and my family. I know they're trying their best to understand me, but there's always that underlying tone of "please turn straight, please turn straight, please turn straight, please turn straight, please turn straight, please turn straight... please find 'the right girl' " and I think that's what hurts the most. I will admit, there have been SO many times when I wished I was straight. But I know that won't happen. Hell, even now I wish I wasn't gay. I've had to deal with so much over the past year... Stress and drama and crushes and being crushed, it's just getting to me. But I know you guys have a better understanding than most about what I was going through. I try to do things to get my mind off this stuff, like hanging out with friends, writing, watching TV, playing video games, but as soon as I'm not doing any of that, I get sad and depressed. And above all, lonely.
