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Uncertain

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hkraised, Jan 26, 2013.

  1. hkraised

    hkraised Guest

    Im not sure if I should come out to some people closer to me. Basically I never really thought about being straight/ gay or whatever. I am 17 and have been thinking about it recently and I understand I am definitely not 100% straight. I am uncomfortable calling myself 100% gay because I have found some men to be very attractive. Right now I am more comfortable with saying I lean more towards girls but not exclusively. Considering how recently this revelation has come, should I wait before I come out to anyone?

    The only two people I would consider coming out to would be my teacher or one of my best friends. This teacher has helped me with a lot of stuff and knows me really well. From what he has said in the past, he knew before I did that I am not straight. Would it be awkward to come out to him before any of my friends?

    The best friend I am a little worried about. She seems pretty liberal about these kind of things. However, her house has always been where I crash, especially if I need to get out of my house for a couple of days. I am worried that she won’t be comfortable with us hanging out/ sleeping in the same room if she knows that I find girls attractive.

    What should I do? What are the reasons for coming out to people? And any tips on how to come out would be greatly appreciated.

    ---------- Post added 27th Jan 2013 at 01:12 PM ----------

    Sorry if this is a lot of information. New to EC and just starting to really open up to the idea!
     
  2. Calico

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    If you are comfortable with that being who you are, then I think it's definitely not too early to come out. I would suggest coming out to your teacher first as he sounds like he will be very supportive, and really that's all you need in a person, especially if it's the first one you're coming out to. I don't think it would be awkward at all if you came out to him first.
    As for your best friend, it's a pretty common misconception that gay people like all the people of the same gender. When you come out to her you may need to explain that even though you like girls, you're the same in that you don't like all girls anymore than she likes every guy she sees, and that you wouldn't risk losing her friendship by trying to make a move on her if you ever did like her, which you don't.
     
  3. TroubledRyan

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    I just want to start out by saying that you do not have to come until you are ready to. It isn't a race, and there is no gold metal at the finish line. If you feel it is right, or you are starting to hurt due to the secret, then you tell people. It is all about you!

    Now I'd say telling your teacher would be a nice first step. As you said, he has already hinted about your sexuality, and he still clearly likes you. So there would be no harm to confide in him. It is amazing how great a teacher could be as a life line if you are ever going through stuff.

    A lot of the times people base their opinions on things from what they hear, and not their own experinces. You two seem like great friends, and chances are her opinions on gay/bi people would change after you told her - in time of course. She would realize that you are the same best friend she had before you told her your secret. However, she can react the opposite and freak out.. I just find that unlikely.