My friend is a closeted gay - came out to him, he didn't come out to me

Maybe he didn't want to risk a 'I'm gay' 'ME TOO!' 'Let's make out and be in love'

He might not want to tell you. It's really difficult coming out.
It's easier for some.

He might not 100% trust you with his secret.
And although you trusted him with yours, that doesn't mean he HAS to reciprocate that.

Maybe tell this girl friend of yours to discuss it with him.
Though to be fair, she's not a good friend for telling you his secret.

That was wrong on her behalf.

 

Who did he tell? Were they female or male?

I think that It would have been very difficult for me tell a gay guy right after I came out.
It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It's just different!

 

He may simply need time to both get used to the idea of his own sexuality and your own orientation. Based on what you have said, it's likely he's either now challenged to face a different sort of friendship with you, or he's faced with a dilemma about his own comfort in coming out.

I'd suggest giving him time. Don't think he's not trusting of you, he's likely just trying to decide whether you will be trusting of him. Try to be supportive and respect him if he decides not to come out. You are and have been a friend to him, just by being concerned about this. Be patient and understand he's likely going through something similar to wht you might have gone through to come out to him before you knew he was gay.

 

I completely agree with this. And also, he might have wanted to make you feel not like a freak by acting like it was no big deal, maybe that was his way of being supportive for you, as you are still coming out to people. For me it seems like he is not ready to come out to you (which shouldn't be forced,) also you were privy to knowledge he told his girl friend, and she shouldn't have told you, and he probably doesn't know she told you.

 

It's still possible he felt challenged. You may know he's gay (or at least told someone else he is gay), but you don't know his comfort level. Being that he came out around two days ago, he's likely still exploring the concept of coming out.

Keep in mind he doesn't know that you know he's come out already. He's still behind the 'cloud' of the closet, and he may simply need time to be comfortable with it- it's best just to be patient. Trust is likely a big issue with him, and often the people one trusts the most can be the most difficult to come out to.

---------- Post added 27th Jan 2013 at 12:36 PM ----------

You aren't a bad person for wanting someone to share your struggles with!

Just know that it may take some time.

 

Maybe he has his own suspicions. Maybe this is his way of handling it with you.

Don't feel bad. It is a bit hard when friends don't come out to you, but it's just part of the game.

 

Personally, I found coming out to a girl to be easier than coming out to a guy (I haven't even built the courage to do the second yet) so it could be that he just needed a confidant with whom he could be open with while he is going through the coming out process and though that a girl would be a better option. Don't take it personally, I came out to a friend a few months ago and even if several of my other friends came out I would still be hesitant to come out to them. He could still be reacting to your coming out to him and trying to decide whether or not to reciprocate it.

 

l was going to say l've done the same thing but it is a little weird that he would tell your mutual friend and not you.

For me, l just won't be out anyone within certain groups of people. A family member came out to me and l didn't do the same. She couldn't keep that secret, she's way too talkative.

But with that...l don't know. Maybe...her has a crush on you :eek:

 

maybeee was possibly terrified to if you weren't someone who showed any signs of being into men in his opinion.