Hi, I'll try and make this brief. I've known I'm gay since I was about 13 (I'm 18 now). I'm very shy and don't have many friends (two). I've always be taught by my family and my friends to be masculine but inside I feel feminine. My attempts to appear masculine usually fail, I end up being really awkward and feel like I'm putting on an act. I usually consciously keep my voice low(when really it's quite high). When ever I'm around people I feel really nervous and am scared they are judging me or they that can see though my "act". I feel very depressed at the moment I am into "masculine" activities like watching football, listening to heavy metal and doing weights yet I still feel the urge to act feminine. Next year I am going to university which I guess will give me a chance to be myself but I'm still not 100% sure what that is. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks for reading
Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. Just talking about this will help you to feel more comfortable about it. Being gay doesn't mean you can't lift weights or watch football. You can still do those things, even if you're gay, and even if your voice is naturally higher or you'd also like to learn how to arrange flowers or knit. There aren't any hard and fast rules around what you can and can not do when you're gay. We're all different. Yes - hopefully you'll feel better able to express yourself when you go to university next year. It can be a time of discovery for sure. Hang out here and keep talking about all this. The better you feel about yourself the more likely you'll be able to let more of the 'real' you out.
Well are you out to your family/friends? If you are then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't act like yourself. Don't speak low just to hide your voice, don't be masculine just beacuse that's what you THINK you should do. If it doesn't feel natural to you then don't do it.
I don't know why in my country, America, the media has to make it that all men are carbon copies or not men at all...they are "fruity girly boys". UGH! You know, I don't care how a guy dresses, as long as I don't see his ass sticking out. I don't care how a guy's voice is, but I prefer ASL! I don't care how he walks or moves or what his favorite color is...what the hell way is that to judge a person's character? Nah, character...I look for my friends by their ACTIONS AND DEEDS...if every 3rd word is a blasphemy, and they hate any groups, and they are arrogant and put others down...I don't care about anything else I won't be around them! But if they are funny, interesting to talk to, and I see them give their lunch to a girl who forgot her lunch money, that is attractive in anybody men or women and I will want to know THAT person. So be yourself, not a fake jerk, don't try to please others...and by that you will be so happy!
I'm sorry your so lost, just remember that you need to be open minded about everything. And don't ever buy into sterotypes-all humans are diffrent; diffrent hobbies, diffrent voices, diffrent interests, diffrent styles--gays are no exception. best of luck!!!