I met a woman online and we've been talking for months now. Started as friends, but then things got flirty etc. My feelings for her grew. I told her, and she said she felt the same but was worried because she's older than me. We also live in different countries. But the flirting continued until about new year. She was the one who made me realise I couldn't marry my boyfriend because something was clearly missing in the relationship. There are more sparks talking to her than there ever have been with my boyfriend, although he is a great guy. But recently she has been replying to my messages a lot less frequently (still about once per day though, but we used to have long conversations by facebook message). We once voice-skyped and at the time she said she wanted to do it again. But since things changed around new year's time, I have suggested skyping (voice or webcam) a number of times and she's sort of replied saying "yeah, sometime, that would be good", like she's putting it off. I asked her if she would prefer me to move on, and just talk as friends. She replied saying she wasn't sure of her feelings for me, both because of the age difference, living far apart etc. and that she still isn't over her ex properly. But she also said that the thought of me moving on scares her. And just a few days ago she's used phrases like "If we start dating..." etc. So I'm just really confused. When I ask her to tell me straight what she wants, she always manages to fob me off and make me feel better without answering the question, lol. The thing is, I've never felt like this towards anyone else before. But then I've never had a relationship with a girl before, either. We have so much in common, it's unreal. And she is completely stunning. I've tried registering for dating sites etc but have never found anyone on there who even remotely compares to her. It's like I don't have eyes for anyone else. I think I'm somewhat demisexual, which doesn't help in this situation. I'm not sure if I'm clinging onto her so much because I'm scared that I'll never find someone else so 'perfect'. And by perfect, I mean perfect for me. I realise that no one is perfect. The age and distance really doesn't bother me at all. I could afford to get a flight to see her on a fairly regular basis.
THIS IS SO MY EX. she use to do this shit all the fucking time and she did before she left... she was like "i still have feelings for you but i mean we don't work ...i mean im more of a physical person and you get angry , i want to experiment " and i'm sitting here like "really? what do you want?" and i'd ask straight up what she wants , she would always say "i want what you want" god. sorry if im not helping. just saying that sounded just like scarlett , oh god.
Wow, I've clearly touched a nerve there with you, lol. It's just so frustrating. Until new year she was never this confusing. She was messaging me over new year a lot while I was away, saying she missed our conversations and she wishes I was there, etc. She always used to be the one initiating our conversations. Now I get short replies and only rarely do they end with a question i.e. as if she wants me to reply. But if I ask her to talk to me about something, e.g. if I need advice with something, she will always have a fairly long conversation with me then, without question. And give me helpful advice. Even now, still. :S
scarlett would never help me out if had a problem....really...i mean she'd be like "i'm sorry" and im just "i bet you are. she never knew how to deal with any problem i had because one she probably didn't care and two she wasn't in my shoes. she's was a little rich girl ...what do you expect but actually its quite the opposite here.....she gives you advice and scarlett never did she replies short length and scarlett replied long length.... me and scarlett would always talk at night and when we could. she was my little secret actually....haha...but i remember ...she just never had any questions for me and it blew my mind that she didn't but now that i look at it , she didn't a shit about me so .....she may have ...but i doubt.... she posts these love poems on her blog and they kill me every time but i never know if she means it so... but know i went through a similar experience too haha
I'm sorry you have to go through that! What is sounds like is that your relationship-or whatever your considering it- started out as a friendship. try just talking as friends about this, maybe its new territory for both of you. Maybe you two are going through the same exact thing and the best thing you can do is be there for each other. Make sure your there for her, and if she really is "perfect for you," then the rest will follow.
Hmm...I only ask this because I'm concerned, how do you know this "woman" is who she says she is? She's starting with the lame excuses not to Skype, which is a red flag. There's this show on MTV called Catfish, it's been all over my local news about "catfish" people who pretend to be someone else. With the advances in social media, there should be no excuses coming from her. And age is only a number, it just seems strange IMO. I think you should try dating someone irl, I know it's scary, but have no fear. I could be very wrong about her, but I think you should expand your options.
Thanks both of you. On facebook she has lots of pics of herself etc, there is nothing to suggest it isn't her. And she has some videos on facebook, where she is talking as well. When I spoke to her on the phone, the voice was just the same. I know she has put on weight recently and actually has only shown me one pic of herself since the weight gain. She says she doesn't want to skype until she has lost weight, but I've tried to make it clear that it doesn't make a difference to me. Of course the whole Catfish thing has crossed my mind, but I don't see how it could be the case when she has like 250 facebook friends or whatever, you know? Maybe I'm just naive, idk. And I would love to date someone in real life, but I guess I'm not letting myself move on while there could be a chance. If she said absolutely just friends, I'd manage somehow. But as I said, no one on dating sites etc even catches my eye atm, lol.
speaking of catfish. my sister kept mocking me how scarlett wasn't real but little did she know she was , i skyped with her and like you....her Facebook pics matched what she looks on skype and her voice was the same oh god her voice.....so cute and innocent....i am such a sucker. haha
First of all, I am very sorry that you are going through this. I understand how frustrating this must be. I think you should stop initiating conversations with her. The fact that she said she is unsure of her feelings for you is, in my opinion, enough "proof" that anything more than being just friends is not wise. She also said that she isn't over her ex properly. If she truly wanted to be with you, then she would know. Distance and age shouldn't matter when you truly have feelings for someone. I'm wondering if maybe she seemed so into you because, at that moment, she felt lonely. I could be very wrong, but I think it's a bit odd for her to seem as if she had strong feelings for you, and then be unsure.
Whew! Okay, good...just wanted to make sure. I've gained 10 lbs in the past 3 months, so I can understand where she's coming from :icon_redf What's the likelihood of you meeting her irl? I know that dating sites aren't the best option either, what about a gay bar/club?
I think that sometimes your "first" - the first same-sex person you fall for, and especially if that person is the one who made you realize you were attracted to the same sex - seems especially intense, even if that person isn't the right one for you. That was the case for me, even though I knew objectively she was truly a nasty person and would only hurt me. I think if she's unsure that might be a sign to move on, but a friendship may be worth keeping. There will be others for you, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
Thanks both of you. I could (fairly) easily meet her irl, if she agreed to it. At one time she looked up flight prices etc but I was still with my bf at the time so didn't pursue it. But now, she doesn't really mention it. I haven't explicitly said that I want to go and see her though, tbf. Not recently. Maybe she thinks it's more difficult than it really is. And I am aware that could be the case, that because she's my first, maybe it seems more intense than it reallt is. But I don't want to throw it away if there's a chance, you know. I
Hi, Perfect? You have NEVER met this person and they are perfect? You appear to be in love with your imaginings. What if you meet her and she meets every of your criteria of hideous. Why not ground yourself with real people you can meet and where face to face contact is possible? My opinion is you are playing it so safe you are fooling yourself. Stuck
Oh dear. Honestly my perspective on the information provided is that she does have feelings for you, but she's also dealing with residual feelings for her ex. The positive side of me wants to believe that she just wants you to settle into knowing what you want and that this isn't just something you'd be entering into because it's new and exciting, and for her to know definitely that she's ready to move on, and she hopes that by the time that rolls around you'll be available. If you two had a cool down period (I think you did, did you not, when she became frustrated with the previous situation? Am I imagining things) then her current behaviour could be cautionary. She may well be influenced by her weight gain gain and how that causes her to perceive herself, I find it very difficult to talk to someone I'm fond of when I feel vulnerable and less than attractive, especially if we'e never met and are essentially in the early stages. Unfortunately until she gives you a straight answer, even if it's as simple as "I want to be with you, but I'm not ready" you won't know. Perhaps you should say you're interested in flying over for a visit, and maybe you two could meet up as friends and she could play tour guide for a day. You could always tell her that the sooner you do it the sooner she'll know, and you'll know, how well you connect outside of voice calls and Facebook. Obviously if she refuses there's not much you can do other than keep on living, especially if she's insecure about how she looks due to the weight gain (I have refused to meet people for the same reason) but really it's better to try and initiate a meeting as soon as feasibly possible. It's very easy to get caught up in feelings without remembering that how you interact over the internet (even Skype) may not reflect how you interact in person. As for whether you're clinging on out of fear... you won't know the answer to that until you meet her and spend some time with her. Or until you meet someone else, or the sparks fade. It's something you won't know until you've had the chance to see how far this could actually go.
Hey FruitFly! Yeah, we stopped talking for a bit before I cancelled the wedding. But she said she wasn't angry or anything afterwards, and she gave me support throughout the whole thing, especially when it came to telling both my bf and my family, etc. Well last night I messaged her asking where I stand, and she replied basically saying everything is fine, she is busy, it is nothing personal and not to worry about it. I replied saying thanks etc but that doesn't answer my question. We'll see what she says now! But I made it clear I'm not angry or anythinh, I just want to know. I think you're right that I need to say we should meet, whether it's on skype with video or in person. Stuck mistake, I don't think she's perfect, but perfect for me. We have so much in common and our conversations just flow so naturally (well, they did lol). I'm not fooling myself, I am aware of why I might be feeling like I do. But still, I don't want to give up unnecessarily.
What I didn't add is that her ex made contact with her again, which really upset her at first and gave her mixed messages, which made her realise she wasn't over her. She still keeps texting and calling her and clearly (imo) wants her back. But they have argued a number of times already about the things they broke up over, since getting back in contact. They were going to meet up (her ex's choice) but later decided not to, and just to try and be friends. idk what I think of all this but she's never hidden it from me.
I know exactly what you're going through, at least in regards to your crush being unsure about their feelings. My last crush and me get along really well, there's the same chemistry you describe. Essentially, my feelings for him feel more real than I've ever felt before. Anyways, a month or so ago, I ended up telling him, and he said that he really liked me as a friend, any maybe he could feel like something more, but that he didn't at the time (he was really kind and understanding, so it didn't hurt me). What I've done is backed off on the flirting, giving him space. We're still great friends, and I'd still love to be more than that, since I do honestly love him. However, I had to accept that his feelings are out of my control (nor would I want to change him), and accept that we're friends. He may change his mind, and if I'm single, I'm certain I'd welcome being closer to him, but we'll definetly always be friends ^_^. I suggest that you give her space. Continue being her friend, but you've got to accept that the only thing you're in control of is what you do, not how she reacts. Focus on enjoying the the things you always have, like good music, hobbies, etc. Spend time with other friends. All you can do at this point is just be a good friend, it's up to her whether her feelings will change.
Being in touch with her ex who wants her ack isn't the best thing, maybe that's why she cooled off. If you're keen on her though then why not ask her to meet you? In terms of online relationships I tend to think the sooner you meet the better. Connecting with someone online is a good sign but you really won't know if you both click until you've met in person. In my experience, anyway.
Thanks guys. We are going to meet on Skype, at least. She has agreed to that So we'll see how it goes. And I'd never pressure her into being more than friends, I just wanted to know what she was thinking. 4AllEternity thanks for sharing, I hope it works out for you, whether you can be good friends or something more.
