I'm not sure this is the best title I could come up with, but here it goes. I've had sex with women and enjoyed it and the thought of having sex with a woman again excites me. The thought of a relationship with a woman excites me. However, I am not typically all that visually attracted to women I see (once in a blue moon I am). For example, a Victoria's Secret commercial does essentially nothing for me. I'm not attracted much to the sight of boobs and very rarely attracted to anything else on a woman. Although sometimes I am, most often if I already know the woman. A real flesh and blood woman I find attractive as a whole. For example, sometimes a female coworker will catch my attention and I can't stop admiring her and wondering what it would be like to put my hands on her. When I was with women, exploring their body and turning them on was a major turn on for me. I am however much more often visually attracted to men and find it easier to fantasize about them. My sexual draw towards men is stronger. I have been with a guy once and it certainly didn't live up to my fantasies, but it wasn't horrible either and I was turned on the whole time. I would certainly try it again so I would be less nervous. I've never been in a relationship with another man, but I can't imagine it would be all that bad either. My question is, is what I described above possible? I think my attraction to anyone in general is a lot more emotionally based than physical. Is there anyone out there that can relate to what I'm saying? Currently labeling myself as bi and trying to just keep an open mind and do whatever seems right at the time. I'm just mostly afraid of hurting other people in the process...
What you have described is certainly possible! I think what it really comes down to is who do you see yourself with and where do you see yourself going. To me, you sound more hetero-romantic, as in the relationship with the women is the primary interest and maybe your sexual desires with women stem from that emotion connect? I'm just guessing from your narrative. You described not being interested in strangers (women) so it seems to be that you do not really have a lust for women. With that being said, it sounds more like you have a lust for men-you fantasize about them etc. Perhaps having more experiences with a relationship with men will help you figure out where you want to be. Of course, bisexuality is a real and if you find yourself identifying as a bisexual that is excellent! I can definitely relate to you. I have had strong relationships with past girls before. I never had sex with them-but we definitely went far. And I see myself as gay now. However, I believe it was my strong emotional connection to them that made me desire them. I do not have any lust for women I see out at bars or during my everyday life. I believe that with some more exploring you will find yourself though Keep an open mind and be honest with people if you feel as though you will hurt anyone.
There's a pretty huge split with that for most of us. Even those who aren't bi. so yes. l was going to say maybe it was more like emotional attraction with women for you but it still sounds at least somewhat sexual. l have emotional attraction to men, in an "l want to be your best friend" kind of way.
Thanks for the responses! It is all very confusing so it helps to put things into words and get some response back. I think I've been frustrated with this for a long time without really realizing it. I never explored the option that I may be bisexual because I don't have that constant 'lust' towards women that other guys seem to have. Usually it's the guys that catch my eye in a lustful way. :icon_wink At the same time I had a wonderful relationship with a girl many years ago and always wanted to fool around with her and have sex. I've also had a very intense draw towards certain women I've gotten to know a bit first. It's like the sexual attraction comes after the emotional. (Not to say I wouldn't be sexually attracted to a woman if we both just went into it for the sex. I've never tried a one night stand with a women though. Not really my thing.) With women it seems the emotional attraction comes first, then the sexual. With men I have more of a sexual attraction...will the emotional come after? Remains to be discovered and I need to find that out so I know what is the most fulfilling for me overall. Knowing that it is possible to be bisexual but have different levels/types of attractions to each sex really makes me feel more at ease and less conflicted. I always excluded the possibility of being bisexual because I didn't have 'equal' attractions. Viewing sexuality as a spectrum will hopefully help me be more at ease.
What you described at the end of the first post kind of makes you sound like my friend who is demisexual. It's a version of sexuality where you don't necesarly get way attracted to people you see every day on the street or in the media etc... but instead only become attracted once you start to develop a strong emotional connection. ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2013 at 09:23 PM ---------- my friend doesn't only get attracted to other women she gets emotionaly attached to but she feels she gets randomly attracted little enough that she likes the term/identity of demisexual.
This is interesting to me because although I wouldn't say I feel like you, I am definately of a similar nature. I'm not very visual when it comes to women at all, I consider myself gay. Sometimes I do find their personalities attractive, I just don't desire sex with them at all. I mean I'm not an idiot, obviously I can appreciate a woman's beauty but sex never did anything for me, I was bored after 2 minutes. Now in general I'm just realizing the entire thing is uncomfortable and sometimes disgusting. But I have been able to connect on an emotional level in the few female relationships I've been in. I think it would be much more difficult to do so now though. I thinks friends are best.
That's really interesting. See, if I were to have sex with a woman I would never get bored. In fact I'd enjoy it - I have enjoyed it in the past. I'm just not attracted to women all the time and never have the desire to seek out a woman for sex. I know when woman are attractive or not, but don't get that feeling from just seeing one.
