I have this friend that is very accepting, both him and his wife. We've talked about me being gay a handful of times, the thing is.. Before I came out, I was very.. Masculine and I guess even though we hangout all the time.. I have yet to get to the point where I feel comfortable talking about a guy Im interested in or how attractive I think they are with him around. Is that normal around straight male friends for gay men?
Well I mean if you're used to joking around with him about women, and then all of a sudden he knows the truth, you'll probably find it awkward talking about guys that you're interested in.
Heya Thehat, my best friend is also very accepting. I think it was a couple weeks after I came out to him that I started talking about guys. I carry a lot of masculine traits, and that really doesn't matter when it comes to expressing my emotions and thoughts. I think people confuse masculinity with hiding emotions and feelings, and that is so far from the truth. I think you'll need some time before you realize the difference between labels and reality. Being honest, and upfront about with others about yourself isn't a masculine/feminine trait. It has a lot more to do with emotional intelligence, maturity, and honesty - okay, it has everything to do with those 3 things. Someone told me today that when people come out, it's a lot like having to go through puberty again, in the sense that we have a lot of growing up to do with the "new" self. It was hard for me to talk to my friend about guys, but I wanted that type of honesty, so I pushed for it. Yes, he gets a little quiet when I talk about this guy in my class, but he's also learning to adapt to the "new" me. Push yourself. If you're uncomfortable, GOOD! That means you're growing, keep pushing.
I don't have very many straight make friends butthe few that I do have are very accepting and when I talk about guys they don't mind at all.
I'm totally the same way! I feel awkward saying so-and-so looks hot/cute. Maybe part of it is just the fact that not everyone does know I'm gay...yet.
It just a phase I have a friends that straight and I told him I think I’m gay. He was accepting but he told me it was weird that talk about boys instead of girls. Few weeks later he started helping me look for guy which he not good at but he still my friend
I'm going through the same thing myself sort of. I think it's normal for there to be some awkwardness at first, but a true friend will get over it. I just told my best guy friend that I'm bi and he really didn't care and has still been talking to me like normal, with a few new added jokes thrown in. He said he didn't care what I am and that I've been there for him through so much he wouldn't dream of abandoning me. I feel so grateful because I'd be devastated to lose my best friend. I haven't gotten to the point where I'm out at a bar with him and I point out a guy I find attractive, but I'm sure I will eventually. (Mostly to make him uncomfortable lol) I think in these modern times most straight men don't care. If they are secure with themselves they would actually probably be curious and would enjoy having a gay/bi friend (particularly a more masculine one that is like a 'bro'). A gay guy can be a great wingman for a straight guy too...
I try not talking to guys too much because it just scares me that one day I will be attracted to one of them. I know that might be weird, but I mean its not. However, I try to set boundaries I guess. I mean I try not to get attracted to other men who are straight, because you are just gonna get crushed.
It takes a while to be totally comfortable being yourself around straight friends. It's just the same old vulnerability trap... being concerned you'll be judged, or make them uncomfortable, for what you say. But as others have said, I think many straight guys, particularly those who are comfortable with themselves, aren't offended, and many are totally comfortable, particularly, I've found, among people under 25 or 30. There's definitely a generational difference in comfort and acceptance of gay people.
My straight male friends are really cool. Particularly 1 of my bffs just gets me in the sense he knew I wasn't cool with it so he's helped me out. Like made me talk about it be it just a casual would you? Or even deep stuff (like no in an interrogation style). I actually haven't ever felt comfortable talking about being gay till I came out to them
MattGuy said it best. I was gonna post my feelings toward the question and he answered it completely. I've only been out since Jan 17th to my best friend (him and his girlfriend ONLY), and last week at work, we were looking up some actor on a website for trivia we had, and on the right of the screen was a link that said "Top Guys that make you smile" so, jokingly I clicked on it to see his reaction. We made it to the 3rd page with him disagreeing with almost everyone I thought was hot (although he did point out some that he said were "good looking" guys - he's totally straight), but he then said this is a little awkward, but he continued looking with me, to be supportive. Now that is a true friend!! (!) (&&&) I forgot to add, that he has always (even before I came out) pointed out hot girls to me on FB or the internet, etc. Since I came out, I noticed how often he shows me these pics. Guess I never really paid attention to the amount of times I heard this: Dude, check out this chick...oh my god, she is soooo hot! I said to him the other day, "what do you think you are gonna turn me straight?" Hahaha. We had a good laugh on that!
I guess to me it's weird, because all the people I've come out to thus far are female or gay men that I've been interested in. This is the first straight male, Ive come out to, and even though we talk about in passing, it's almost like I didn't come out. Perhaps it just takes time, we work in the same office and everyone we work with is really close friends so maybe I just have anxiety about being so open with someone who could potentially ramble my business.
I'm also only partially out. I don't talk openly about hot guys or anything that would give away my sexuality to those who don't know. A huge part of me wants to, but another part of me is concerned about how my coming out would affect other people. I think I've gotten past personal concern (for the most part), but I'm still discreet. Like you, with me, it is as if I never came out. I just know things will get better in due time. Patience...
I went/am going through the same thing with my brother. We still joke around and talk like we used to, its a bit awkward when I mention guys so I try to avoid it. Its a big change for him, I've had years to be comfortable with my sexuality, hes had 4 months. If I want to talk guys, I will talk with my female best friend/roommate.
