So...today I came out to my counselor (who was awesome and didn't even bat an eyelash over it, just asked me questions about my orientation/who I've told) and she suggested it might be beneficial for me to connect with an older woman (who's gay or bi, I'm not entirely sure as my counselor didn't say). The reason she suggested this to me was so I could talk to someone who's gone through the whole five stages of grief, dealt with homophobia, has come out to lots of people, and so on. My counselor said she would contact this person and see if she was open to me contacting her and then leave the final decision up to me. I'm...not sure if I should, if everything works out, contact this person. I've honestly never thought about reaching out to an older lgbtq person, so I'm considering it at this point. My biggest worry is that she could try take advantage of me ( because she's older and this is someone that I would look up to as a role model) or something equally bad. So...my questions are these...If you have done something like this before, then did it turn out well for you/other person? Did they help you work through some issues around being a member of the lgbtq community (such as self acceptance, coming out, discrimination)? Thanks
My opinion... This sounds absurd. A coucelor instructing an emotionally vulnerable person to reach out to an unknown stranger with no care for the risk this may involve, or any knowledge of the long term therapeutic value of this third person? This does not sound like professional behaviour to me. May as well pick your councillor from strangers living under a bridge. Whole thing sounds odd. Stuck This sounds bizarre.
Well...from how she was talking about it, she's either counseled this person in the past, or they know each other through their personal lives. My counselor wouldn't have made this suggestion unless she believed I would likely get something positive out of it. So. If I did go and meet this person, it would be in a public place and I would tell someone where and when I was going. Also, she wasn't instructing me to do anything - she simply made the suggestion and told me she would call this person. If this person was comfortable with it, then my counselor would pass on her contact information to me and leave it up to me. Thanks for your thoughts
Honestly, this seems a little off to me, too. But perhaps this is only part of the story? Is it possible the person s/he has in mind is connected to an LGBT center or group, and that's what your counselor wants you to connect to? One of the first things my shrink suggested to me was joining an lgbt./gay support group of some kind. BEST THING EVER I've done. I'm with other folks who are also on their journey to accepting their sexuality, living it, coming out. I'm making friends ;-) That is SO important. And hanging with other LGBT people -- well, it feels good. And I'm beginning to walk in the path of living out. So -- from my post, you can tell what my recommendation would be. (and maybe that's not too different from what your counselor is recommending, but the way you describe it, that makes me uncomfortable). Peace
I'm no therapist, nor am I that "old", nor have I looked for support from someone who is older than I am, but here's what I think. I personally don't see anything wrong with it. If you're not comfortable with it, then by all means don't do it. All your counsellor is doing is setting up resources for you if you so choose. Though not governed by the same legalities your counselling sessions are, I'd treat any interactions with this woman the same way you would with her. Ensure that it's confidential and that you're just looking for support, nothing more. If you're uncomfortable with meeting with this person due to risk of being taken advantage of, perhaps you could ask to see if you could correspond over e-mail or something instead. Going that route, you can also cut off communication at any point you choose. In essence, that's very similar to what you'd be doing if you talked with an older lesbian here on EC, barring the fact we discourage any sort of romantic involvement. The stranger is unknown to the OP, but presumably not to the counsellor. It is likely the case that the counsellor only offered because they had thought through this idea and felt it would be beneficial. Again, if the OP isn't comfortable with it then don't do it. But if you're living by that standard, there really is nobody you can trust besides yourself, and that includes rather anonymous places like EC. Maybe the counsellor really is a slimeball or something, but the OP knows her counsellor better than any of us do. And if she feels that her counsellor has her best interest in mind, that's her decision. Without knowing the counsellor, I can't say I see anything in this situation that raises giant red flags for me, personally. Just take things at your own pace and comfort level.
I think we all take comfort in knowing someone who we can relate to in some way. If you don't know any other lesbian or bisexual women in real life, your counsellor is suggesting that it would be helpful for you if you did. To some extend that's what EC is about. Allowing people to connect with others who share similar life experiences. So there might be older / more experienced women here who would be willing to share their life experiences with you. While it is OK to be cautious, I don't think it's fair to assume that an older person is likely to try and take advantage of you. This person is likely to be a very well adjusted member of the community who your counsellor things would be a role model for you. They might have their own partner and be in a long term relationship - so show you what life can be like after coming out... This person would be a type of mentor. I don't see anything wrong with it at all in the right circumstances.
My counselor didn't mention any connection to an lgbtq group, just to this person. There is a local lgbtq group, but it's for teenagers - and since I'm over eighteen, it would feel a little uncomfortable for me to attend one of their meetings. I do know another lesbian/bisexual in real life (she's thirty two, and I've known her for about six months now) who told me that if I needed to talk to her about lgbtq stuff then I was welcome to do so. Yes, my counselor does know the person she's going to connect with - to what extent, I'm not entirely sure. But, I do trust my counselor and I believe she wouldn't suggest this if she didn't see it helping me in some way. I see your point about not assuming the older person is likely to try and take advantage of me, but it would be something I might be initially worried about, if I do decide to meet up with this person. It would be quite positive for me to see two normal, well adjusted, lesbian/bisexual women in a commited and loving relationship...so I might go for it. Thanks for all the input
I agree with you. I would be eager to find someone to help me come out of the closet, but I would want to learn about who the person is first. Hope you get what you want (lulz*)
