So I currently have absolutely no attraction to girls, whatsoever. I do like guys and I think it's been like that my whole life. But my parents and our counsellor have said that it is very common for people my age to question their orientation and go through phases of same-sex attraction. My parents have continuously warned me that if I come out now, my hormones might all calm down by 18 or 19 and then I'm stuck with the label of gay. So how do I know if it's a phase? And how long can they last? All advice appreciated :icon_bigg
I wish I could help but I'm exactly in the same place. My mom tells my I'm closing my chances to find a nice guy, she also says that when I get older I might not like girls anymore. I don't know if that's true, but in the meanwhile I'm enjoying every single piece of my "supposed" homosexuality, letting it flow.
I actually did believe my same sex attraction was a phase, like your parents and counselor said. When I was your age, my same sex attraction was fairly new. I did grow up having intense crushes on girls, thought of them in "that way" around puberty, but then switched completely to guys. It puzzled me and still puzzles me today. I was used to people telling me that gay people always knew they were gay (e.g. age 5). At age 5, I had a major crush on my girl neighbor, never another guy. I'm 22 today and I just don't feel my same sex attraction is a phase anymore. I can't think of girls in "that way," and am constantly horny for guys lol. My advice is to not label yourself anything. Just go with the flow. I believe 14 is way too young to give a label to one's sexuality.
But then, not accepting it and presuming it's a phase means living a lie and not being able to experience a happy teenage life
I think there is a lot that defines your sexuality and going through your teenage years is confusing even for straight, heterosexual people. There are so many things changing in your life-it will be hard to discern what is just a 'phase' and what is who you really are. My best advice is to be true to yourself and how you feel each day. If you feel attracted to guys for the next 3 years but then find yourself in a different situation later-enjoy the 3 years of being into other men. Same thing with whatever you may go through. Just enjoy it. Everything will sort itself out. It is a dynamic time in your life, it is best to just be yourself through all of it.
If you are unsure if its your genuine orientation or maybe a phase, I would go with the label of "questioning" or "unsure." You may in the next year (or few years) develop attraction towards girls, but of course there's no guarantee. That's not unusual if that happens. I know in life we prefer certainty over ambiguity, but life itself is very ambiguous. You can accept that you are gay and that it may be a phase. At least if you accept the gay part internally and find it's not a phase, you won't be shocked later on.
it is tough. Saying a 14 year old kid or someone even younger can't know if they're gay isn't true, but hormones can play a factor. l will say once a person does have legitimate same sex attractions, l don't think they're going to go away. IME a person with same sex attractions that are really based on sexuality and aren't emotional will always have them. Whether or not opposite sex attractions develop later is up for debate. l've seen that happen too. l guess l'm kind of inclined to think that whichever happens first is your ''primary'' attraction, and if you should become attracted tom girls later than you would in fact be bi. but first being attracted to men may signal a greater likelihood of just being gay (IMO). But l still wouldn't rush to label, you don't need to.
If your parents know, and you're only 14, those are the only people that need to know! We hear all the time of people going through gay phases AFTER they've (thought) they were straight their whole life. But NEVER have I heard of anyone who went through a gay phase, that is simply a thing adults try to say when they feel don't want to explicitly support or deal with teenagers realizing their homosexuality. If you are feeling real, legitimate same-sex attraction then it will not go away. But I would agree to wait, because in high school, it's not really anyone's business besides your parents close friends (ONLY IF you are comfortable with sharing it with them). Once you get to college you will find a lot more acceptance, other people that are out, and you'll have an actual reason to be out (dating, yay!).
Thank you all, I'll try reply to each individually: @Acobi : I know a lot is changing, although it's not changing as rapidly as I feared. Being true to myself would mean coming out, or at least expressing my interest in guys. That's when the labeling would happen and if this is a phase, I'm left with a title @cm81990 : I don't think telling people I'm "questioning" would satisfy their need for a definite answer of gay or straight. Even though it's really none of their business, it would cause people to constantly hound me with the question.. @OMGWTFBBQ : For what I can remember, I've always had these same-sex attractions. But I did also have what I thought were serious "crushes" on girls which causes more doubting. @KTWK : I'm out to my parents, around 6 friends and a cousin. I'm asked at least once a day if I'm gay so most people have guessed by this stage anyway. In my area, the main thing teens discuss and centre their lives around are sexual interactions. Every day the conversation of hul( hu u lovin', translates to : Who are you loving ) comes up. Each day I lie to people, pretend I don't like anyone. I hang with my friends and am constantly unable to contribute to the chats involving attraction, because I don't like girls and can't voice my opinion about guys. It's not that I want people to know, I just want to people to not care. Also, dating started around a year ago for my peers and it has begun getting serious the past few months. ( just pointless info but whatevs :icon_bigg )
