I need advice, I am in a committed heterosexual relationship with one son although not married. I have had homosexual thoughts since I was in my teens but never acted upon them except once in college when I felt very ashamed afterwards and never mentioned it to anyone. I find that as I have gotten older my attraction to men has become more intense, I love my girlfriend very much and don't want to hurt her, or jeopardize my family for my son's sake but feel like I am not being true to myself. I am a pretty masculine guy and I don't think my friends and family would have any clue that I an secretly suppressing these feelings. Not sure what to do, or if I should really do anything!
Wow well I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get better! Admitting everything is the first step so congrats! I would take it a person at a time. It's obvious that it wasn't just a "phase" and that you probably are gay. Do you have a close family member to talk to? Do you trust your girlfriend enough to talk about it? Maybe a counselor? I started with a counselor, then moved on to my kids' father, then spread out. It does get better though! Here for you!! (*hug*)
You could be Bi, that is if you are attracted to both women and men. Did you get into the relationship with your girlfriend because you tried to become straight or to hide your sexuality, or did you get involved with her because you where attracted to her both sexually and emotionally? If you did because you tried to become straight or because you wanted to hide your true attraction to guys, then you might very well be gay. On the other hand, if you where physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to her then you could be Bi. If you are Bi you have to decide whether you are monogamous or not... Being Bi does not mean you have to have both sexes in your life to be satisfied, it simply means that you could be attracted and fall in love with either sex. Once you have found the one you love, that's it, that's your soul mate and the person to grow old with. If you where straight, would you cheat on your partner to feel whole? If you where gay would you cheat on your partner to feel whole? If you are Bi, do you have to cheat on your partner to feel whole? Don't let the fact that you also find guys attractive confuse you as to what a relationship is. Is it monogamous, is it exclusive or open? I would think that straight guys who are married would still find that they are attracted to other women... Doesn't mean they act out on it or question their relationship. Likewise I would imagine that gay guys in monogamous relationships still find other guys sexually attractive, doesn't mean they act on it either. Likewise, if you are Bi and in a relationship, you can still find guys and girls attractive, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Don't know if any of this makes sense to you...
Thank you for the replies. Fist let me just say that It felt awesome admitting my feelings to anyone (even just online) I feel really relieved! I guess I would say that my girlfriend and I were always really good friends and that is mostly the attraction to her. Physically I am attracted to men, and am slowly coming to terms with that. I have thought about going to a counselor, it would be way out of character for me to go, so I would have to find some excuse but it may be worth it. I am not ready to have any kind of conversation with my girlfriend, I don't really want her to see me differently or hate me for leading her on. Her family has been really good to me through the years and I would hate to let them down
The thing is, if you are gay, trying to live a straight life is bound to backfire somewhere down the line. You'll find many guys on here that has gone trough just that and they'll all advise you to deal with it now and not 10 years down the line. No doubt it will be tough on everyone, but if there's one thing that I've learned it is that time heals. Go see that councillor or a therapist, it's the biggest gift you could give yourself and the people that are close to you.
The important thing is that you're open about this, at least here anyway. You love your girlfriend and your son, but you feel an attraction to men. Although this sounds like the hardest thing to do, I think the best thing you could do is talk with your girlfriend about it. I understand that a counselor is also a good first step, but relationships are all about honesty and are built on trust. It would be hard for both of you to hear the truth out loud, between you, but suppressing these feelings won't make the situation any better (I've learned painfully from experience). Whatever you decide to do, honesty is always key. Honesty with yourself has to come first, and the rest should follow pretty easily. Good luck to you and whatever you decide to do!
