Hi everyone. I don't know how to start this so I'll just dive right in and write most of what has happened thus far in my first year of college. After reading it all, I'd appreciate any advice about what to do with the guy that I mention below who was the first crush that I came out to and told them that I liked them. So it all began last September, when I began my first semester of college. I'd basically accepted the fact that I am gay but was not feeling ready to share it with my new friends. During the first weekend, I met this guy, let's call him Sam, and we seemed to hit it off. Initially we bumped into each other and had small talk. He told me which dorm and floor he lived in so I could drop by. I added him on Facebook and after going to see him twice, in both instances he was not in his room, he gave me his number and asked for mine so that I could text him to see if he was in his room. The first time we hung out, we went to a pregame for a soccer game, not the party-type ones though as it was outside by the soccer field in the middle of the day. We didn't talk as much and after it I felt like we wouldn't stay in touch. About 2 weeks later though, he asked if I could look over a Spanish paper (I had previously offered to help) and so we met up in the library. After looking over the paper, we sat there for a while talking first about Disney movies and how sad the stories were, and then he began to tell me about his personal life and some things that had happened to him, difficulties that I will not go into detail about in here because it's for me to share. From then on, I'd text him asking if he'd want to grab a bite. The first few times he'd bring his roommate to eat with us. Once, he did not have time to eat dinner so he proposed we have breakfast instead. When they came, it looked like he had made his roommate, who looked tired, to come with him. He also admitted that he never had had dinner that early before. By this time I had come out to a guy that I knew was openly gay and had moved on to tell a few other friends. I was beginning to feel comfortable about telling people, and I felt like I should tell Sam too but every time we got together to eat, there were others around. Finally, one day he came alone to eat with me and once we left the dining hall, I caught up to him as he was heading into a building and I nervously told him that I was gay. He said he was surprised and would never have expected it, but that it was cool and that I was not like the gays that he'd met on one of his jobs where they just compared asses and such and he just wanted to kick their asses. So I then had the courage to tell him that I liked him and he said that it was alright and not to be rude but he had to get going to the meeting with his dean and that he'd see me around and maybe have lunch the next day. The next day at lunch he came alone again and he didn't act any differently. As we sat there talking, he brought up thanksgiving and how his mom had told him that any of his friends who could not go home for thanksgiving were welcome to join them so he asked me if I'd like to go. I did not say yes right away and he asked again another day and I accepted. I also asked if his roommate or anyone else was invited but he said it was just me. I also got nervous when I asked who was going to be there and he said it was just going to be his parents and sisters. Not long after, he mentioned a screening of a film in Russian, because I'd told him that I loved Russian (and btw this plays a role with the guy that I like now), and that we should go sometime. He also mentioned that his roommate had a game system and that i could stop by sometime and play with them. I also invited him to a dinner event and he accepted. That night when we left the dinner, I was going to ask him to go see a movie but I got cold feet but he understood and said that we should go see a movie sometime. In two occasions, I did manage to find the courage to ask him if he was straight because his actions seemed to be saying otherwise but he said that he was, that he liked girls. By this time I would send him a lot of invites to events that I was invited to on Facebook but i stopped after my friends said I shouldn't do that because it could seem clingy. But then in October, I invited him to a party. He came hours later (around 1 AM) with some guy and most people had left except for a few of us who were sitting around talking. I told him he could come in because it was cold and he could join us but he declined 3 times and so I shut the door, partly because there was a girl who was shouting for them to either come in or to go because it was really cold with the door open. But I also closed it partly because I was a bit jealous that he was with some guy. I know that I should have stepped out and spoken to him instead of closing the door but I tend to be a hot head and do things on impulse. I did text him a few hours later to check if he was alright but he did not respond. The following day I asked a friend who lives on his building and his floor, if he wanted to work together. I ended up waiting for my friend in Sam's common room, and Sam came in at one point but I had my headphone on and did not hear him. I saw him leave abruptly. When my friend was ready, ended up working outside the patio of his building from where Sam's window was visible and could have probably seen us. I then received a text from Sam while sitting outside saying he had come back okay and to not worry that he was fine. After that, I texted him to invite him for dinner but he said he was busy. This happened for the following two weeks and then on Halloween week, we ended up in the same group trick or treating group (I know we're old for it but there were supposed to be special treats being given out). My friend that was with me told me how obvious it seemed that Sam was trying to avoid me as much as possible. Thanksgiving was nearing so I finally had the courage to go up to him when I had an opportunity and ask him if he could send me the travel details to go with him for thanksgiving and he said he didn't know yet and he'd let me know when he did. After trick or treating, we ended up eating together, he and his roommate and my and my 2 friends and another guy. It looked like it was his roommate who pushed him to eat with us and he joined us and he spoke to me a bit but not much. I ended up on a play just to try it out and went to a party that they had. It was for theater kids and he was one of them so he showed up for the party. That night, while we were standing outside, I was leaning against the railing and he came up behind me and stood there for a bit. I did not know what to do but by the end of the night he ended up hooking up with some girl. They started dancing at first and then began to kiss. I was dancing nearby and while he was kissing her, he looked over at me for reasons that I don't know but can guess. A week before thanksgiving, I ended up calling him because he had not contacted me about the details for Thanksgivings and he said that Hurricane Sandy had affected his aunt's home, and that I should make other plans. That was basically it. I'd told myself that after that I'd stop being always the first one to text him and invite him eat or just see how he was doing. Some friends from back home were nearby and I spent thanksgiving with them, where I basically cleared my mind and basically got over Sam. On my way back I knew he was someone whose words could not be trusted until he had proof. I had also met someone back in September who I had tried not to think about since I already liked Sam and wanted to focus on one person, but this guy kept intruding my mind. I'll get to him in another post. Anyways, I still felt like Sam and I could stay friends so after Thanksgiving, I texted him and, like usual, invited him to eat but he declined again so I stopped texting him. About two weeks later, he texted me asking how I was and what i was up to. This was the first time he'd ever texted me first. Most likely though, he texted me because I'd posted on Facebook asking to borrow a hat for a themed party. I told him I was deciding whether or not to go to a party and he responded by saying we should get together and go. Unfortunately it was a birthday party and it was invite only. Sam had a group with him and I told him I could only take one at most and he said he couldn't leave them so that was it. I felted used, so it wasn't too hard to not contact him for the remainder of the semester. I did text him right before winter break, but because he likes to dress up and my secret santa person did as well. He responded. Aside from that, I did not text him for anything else and he did not text me either. I was surprised however, when he texted me on Christmas day to wish me a Merry Christmas. I did not know whether to respond, and eventually replied saying thanks and Merry Christmas to you too! I then felt that I should wish him a happy near year so i texted him on January 1st but he never responded. Since then we haven't spoken. I see him around from time to time but we haven't really said hi to each other. It kind of sucks how things turned out but at the same time I know he doesn't care about whether we're friends or not since he has not bothered to contact me since December 25th. :icon_sad: What do you guys think? Did I perhaps rush things and push him away? Could he have been interested or is he straight and he was just being nice with me? Should I wait and see if we end up talking again or should I take an initiative? At this point, I'm basically over him but wouldn't mind being friends. I had met another guy around the same time as I met Sam, and I feel more attracted to him than I did to Sam, who I liked the moment I saw him. :help:
