Okay, a few days a go I posted a thread about receiving my first kiss on friday. It occurred at a dance at my college and involved a drunk guy who's seen me around, in Improv theater shows, etc. He approached me and we ended up making out a lot on the dance floor and after. I really enjoyed it and I believe he did to. During the night he said several times that he didnt want to push my boundaries etc. He was really respectful etc. I felt safe and comfortable. I'm interested to see where things could go. We ended up trading numbers etc. The next day I decided to text him at around noon. We didn't talk much, but he was really really hungover. That night I went to the dining commons for dinner and sometime during the meal, he walked in with a friend and sat down at the table directly behind my friends and I. I didn't make it obvious that I'd seen him though I tried to get his attention subtly (ie: walking to get stuff and trying to make eye contact as I walked back, or walking out when he did so I could bump into him.). He didn't respond any of the times, in fact as far as I knew he kind of pretended I didn't exist. Part of me was guessing it was from the alcohol. Anyway, later that night I was practicing lines with a friend and I get a text from him agreeing to my previous text of meeting up sometime and chatting etc. it also apologized for not saying hi at dinner. As I had expected, he was still really hungover and probably out of it. I guess he did notice me lol. Now is where I'm getting confused and need advice on. I decided not to text him at all the next day just to see if he would. It was also to kinda give ourselves time to sort stuff out. I had just turned in for the night (at 12:30) and I got a text from him asking about this forum post I had done about him. (My college has this anonymously run website where people can post anonymous messages about people they see (Its advertised as missed connections). Privacy is huge on the site and each post is proof read before its allowed to be put up on the site. its a pretty big thing at my school. its monitored/proofread by an anonymous student of the school.). That being said, I had posted a post about being kissed for the first time and how he was a good kisser. I also stated that I wanted to see where it might lead in time. So, the guy texted asking me about it, wondering what I had wrote since he doesn't look at it often. So I told him and admitted that I was a tad embarrassed, which he said it was "cute or somthin" and told me to not be embarrassed. We exchanged a couple more texts before he asked if I wanted to meet up. Being 1am and in bed, I declined but requested that we meet the next day sometime to which he replied he wasn't sure of when since he had a ton of crap he had to get done. I left it up in the air and simply said he could text whenever then next day we could see about things then. i didn't get a response, although it was kind of a wrap up text. So (today), I've been waiting and not expecting much. I just came back from dinner and once again I ran into him there. He's a third year so he's rarely in the dining commons. I was seated in a position where I could see a lot from my peripheral vision but could get away with not having to directly looking at someone. I noticed he was around since he walked by like a million times, but didn't go out of my way to approach him. At one point when I went to get water I almost ran into him and a friend when turning a corner. He didn't really openly acknowledge me. hmm. Then I went to get something else later for a friend and I saw him leaving slowly. He was by himself so I approached the 10 ft or so and greeted him to which he responded. I joked about whether or not he was sober or not and he simply said for now. I wanted to talk for just a bit more, but ppl came up from behind him and he hey guys and hastily said bye to me. I kinda walked off pretty confused. He's out as far as I know and pretty interested in at least something with me. Im sorry for posting such a long thread, but i needed to explain the back story. I wanna see where things could go with this guy. I'm getting the feeling that he's either super shy or just looking for a hookup when it's convenient for him. On another note, if we do meet another time, I want it to be when he's sober. I got the drift when he asked me to meet him the other night that he had been drinking a bit. Should I just give up on him until he approaches me again? Any advice would be awesome. I was thinking about shooting him a message asking for his opinion of what happened the other night when we made out, but i'm not sure. Not sure if I should send the message at all or how I should word it, or what i should even ask lol. Thanks for all your help!
Well, I guess he can be shy. In general, when a guy txt's you asking if you want to come over at 1 a.m. it normally isn't so you can just talk... if you get what I mean. Maybe he is an exception? Just doubt it.
OK, let me suggest something that I think will aid you in your march through life. These are called "games". And it's very tempting to play them as much as possible. Because it both puts you in a position of "power" over the other person, as well as protecting you from putting yourself into a fragile position. But the problem with "games" is that other people tend to respond to games with other games...which is why you're stuck posting a "what does this mean?" on a messageboard. Do your utmost to keep the games to a minimum. When he sat down behind you, you could've just turned to him and said "Hey", and then when he (presumably) just said hello back without seeming to want to engage you in conversation, you could turn back around and continue eating. And if you want to text him, do. Yes, don't go full-on obsessive or stalker on him - that's only common sense. But there's nothing wrong with making the first move. You've both vaguely agreed to meet up sometime, and he suggested sometime later. You might give him a specific day next week, especially if there's something on campus to link it to. "Would you be interested in seeing that band that's coming through campus a week from Friday?" Or perhaps give him a broader time frame. "How about we grab dinner together sometime next week?" If he turns your invitation down because he's busy or what have you, put it in his hands. "That's cool. Why don't you hit me up later on when you're not so busy, and maybe we can get together then?" At that point, consider the ball in his court. He knows you're interested, and it'll be up to him to do something about it if he likes. Lex
Do you know if he's openly gay? To me, it sounds like he wants to be friends-with-benefits, and I wouldn't suggest entertaining that idea. Tell him what you want out of your relation to him, and what you DON'T want. Such as, not wanting him to ignore you while his friends are around. That's rude. I don't care how hungover he was, if he didn't acknowledge you, it's because he has unresolved personal issues. Tell him to grow up if he wants anything more than just being friends. In the meantime, find someone new.
Heya Andmow, I've definitely taken on your logic for the most part. He's completely out of the closet. I met up with him the other night and we talked for a bit about what we were looking for etc. He's definitely more interested in a hookup while I'm teetering on wanting an ltr kind of a thing and wanting to experiment a bit in the meantime. That "experimenting" would be straight forward making out, not sex. Since it would just be that, I doubt it would last long lol. That night I wasn't totally sure(I just came up with these conclusions recently), and told him upfront that i was sorting everything out. Next time I meet him, I'll tell him what I've thought about and what i'm looking for. If he can't deal with it, then he's gone from my life. I see no problem with just having a guy to make out with occasionally. He might not be cool with it, but heck, that would be his can of worms to open. I've already proven to him that I dont just roll with the punches and go with the flow if I feel uncomfortable or if things are going too fast. I've got plenty of self restraint. What I'm coming to terms with is that a lot of the gay guys that I know in my college are just really looking to hookup. Obviously not all, but quite a few from what I can tell. The only challenge is finding guys who want more than that, which is pretty difficult in this college so far. I think its a mixture of insecurities about homosexual dating, personal identities, etc. Those are broad categories, but I feel like they encompass a lot of what happens in college. My college is one of the most liberal out there. The school itself is like one giant GSA. On another point, its located next to a huge GLBTQ area (historically speaking). On a final note, the guy I made out with was pretty respectful with me. When we were talking, he made it clear that he didn't want to push my boundaries. He talked about his first experience when he went to college and how he felt about it all etc, and what he thinks of it now. In truth, I probably wouldn't mind dating him if he was ever open to the idea, but it certainly wouldn't consume me. Even when we were making out there was quite a bit of communication. I guess the next stage I'm going into is whether or not hes open to plain old experimenting. Sorry this kinda turned into a ramble. Lex- Thanks for breaking down that term. So often has it plagued me lol. What interests me is how, once again, a lot of gay/bi guys I know like to play them. Apparently I do to. It brings up the whole fear of public interaction with others guys of interest, acknowledgement, no commitment, and a host more.
