Should I just never come out to my parents?

u______u l'm sorry hon.

l think you're right about knowing that your mother will probably ave to be left behind. lf they can't accept it, then it means you're putting more into the relationship than they are.

My mother wouldn't reject me on a religious basis, she just wouldn't get it and l don't feel like explaining anything to her.

Basically l feel like if l can't be myself around someone, we have nothing left to talk about. like you said, you want to be yourself.

So l would go on with your life, maybe find someone to date. Later if your parents find out about that person somehow or if you do tell them, they may be more accepting than you think.

But l do think parents are more likely to reject kids coming out even more so when it's just at the "Hey, l'm gay" stage because they think there is more of a chance you're confused or will change.

l would be cordial to her but separate yourself so you can be your own gay person.

 

It isn't really of any importance to them until you find someone you love enough to marry, and by that time I doubt you'll care nearly as much about them rejecting you. So no, you don't ever really need to come out to them.

But if you feel the need to, and are prepared for the worst, then by all means and best wishes.

 

Well... I dont know if you can support yourself financially if you were to get kicked out or even how old you even are... But, I would suggest that if you are until to support yourself or have a risk of getting kicked out I would really suggest staying in the closet...

I can understand that coming out can really suck, but it makes sense for you. I mean, clearly you know who you are... you know what you like... you know how you feel... I mean I do wish you the best of luck.

 

I am sorry. Tell them to watch the movie "Prayers for Bobby" and/or "Fish out of Water". Both are good movies for this situation. Helps them understand it. Of course, they need to be at least a little bit open for the information to sink in... Parents usually, no matter what will want the best for their children. Show them something that means they don't have to be worried about you.

Or don't. Maybe they don't have to know. Its a horrible situation and unfortunately you are the only one that knows how best to proceed. You know them better than we do.

I'd look into "Prayers for Bobby" though...

 

I don't know how old you are, if you still live at home, if you're still dependant on your parents or not. As most pointed out above, there's no need to come out to your parents until you have the security and support you need to carry on with your life, and even then it's a choice whether to tell them or not.

If I was in your position, and to a certain degree I am, (I also have a super religious mother and a homophobic father), I'd plan and have things ready in the event that you have to come out. I know this might sound silly, but why not start on an information pack and a discussion plan that you could use in the event that you are found out or have to come out?

In this pack I'd have a few things ready:
A letter that explains yourself...

That you love them, always have, always will.
How important they are to you.
That you've knows that you've been different since you where X years old.
How you struggled with it, how you wish you had been able to talk to them about it but was scared that you'd be rejected.
How your orientation is not their fault, that its not something they did, but neither was it something that you chose.

After that you need to tackle the issues that each one of them have, in your moms case religion. In this portion you need to give your mom the information and the resources she needs to help deal with her religious issues. The way I would approach this portion is to actually point her back to the Bible and the fundamental message that where given to us, that we should love God with all our hearts and that we should love those around us as we love ourselves. That we're not supposed to judge others, that that is Gods job, that ours is to love, nothing more , nothing less. After that you can tackle each segment that's in the Bible that condemns homosexuality and point out where it's been taken out of context or got lost in translation. There's a few discussions on here with a lot of detail and information with links to websites and videos, all of which you could use, but more importantly point your mother towards to go do some research herself. I'd think this would be helpful for both your parents.

Finally, include a copy of "Prayers for Bobby" or at least a link to the YouTube upload of the movie. They can watch it and it would give them a little insight that I think every parent needs.

The idea for me with this package is that when we do or are forced to come out to our parents, that a lot of the things we know to be true will probably not be said in the heat of the moment. At least in a properly prepared letter you can make sure that everything is in it and your parents are more likely to read trough it a couple of times which would give them the time and space to properly digest the information.

On top of that, links and material that can help them on their journey is in the palm of their hands, at least that way you've done everything to point them in the right direction.

You have a better chance of survival with an emergency plan than without one, just my two cents worth of advice.

 

I'm been in a similar situation. My mother is devoutly religious, and my father, though also religious, is homophobic. They do not know that I am gay, but I was caught with some gay porn when I was (14?). They freaked out, and I was quick to say it was "a phase," but they still took me to a psychiatrist. Due to some issue with my insurance, or something of the sort, I only had one session. I was able to convince them that it was indeed a phase, and that I had turned to God, because it is what they wanted to hear. They have never spoken of it again, to this day.

With that being said, I can theorize that they know of my sexuality, and choose to simply ignore it and try to forget about it, as they are unable and/or unwilling to deal with it (And that may explain my mother's constant anti-gay outbursts.); but on the other hand, between their legitimate belief that "praying away the gay" works, and their profound degree of ignorance and misunderstanding of what homosexuality is all about, it may also be possible that they truly believed me.

For the record, I am not a fan of lying, but this is one of the rare cases in which I truly believe the lie to have been justified. I was not ready to deal with telling them the truth back then, and I'm sure most people here understand what I mean.

I wonder sometimes when/if I should come out to my parents, but I just don't see any good coming from doing so, until it becomes unreasonable to keep it hidden from them. To me, it is not moral to intentionally hurt others, and telling my parents would potentially do just that, since there is currently no reason for them to know. Though I am inching closer and closer to the day in which there will be a reason to tell them. I'll deal with that when I get there.

Anyways, something to keep in mind is that most religions teach people to love and tolerate their neighbors. I am assuming that your parents follow some variant of Christianity? If that is the case, if they are true followers of their religion, they will have to love and tolerate you. That may not be the case at first, but eventually they will have to. Be sure to remind them of the teachings of their religion, if/when you decide to come out to them.