So, i am confused at whether i am lesbian or not. I know that there are thousands of these threads out there, so thank you in advance for reading mine! So basically, ill start from the beginning. In year 11, i have a boyfriend. I was more of a convenience thing. His friend was dating mine, and to avoid 3 wheel situations, we went together everywhere with them. We had alot in common. Same taste in music, we food, hobbies and we both loved footy. It was a good fit, but when he tried to kiss me, well, i LITERALLY recoiled. I pushed away from him and wouldn't let him touch me much after that. I thought i would try to kiss him, so at his friends party, after a few drinks, we kissed, and it basically sucked. I thought it was inexperience, but the more i thought about it, we was my friend and nothing more. About 2 months after i broke it off, i met this girl in my science class. She was out and proud, and i was just fascinated by her. We started talking alot more, and i developed feelings for her. I remember one time in class, we were talking about our turn ons, and she said her was someone nibbling her ear, and i had to fight a mad urge to lean over and do just that in the middle of class! She suddenly dropped out of school and we still talked over messenger. We would talk about meeting up, but every time the day came, i would freak out and back out at the last minute. One night, she asked me why i didn't want to see her, and i told her that i was scared because i had feelings for her and i didnt know how to cope with them. She told me it was ok, and she felt the same. But we started to slow down with talking and eventually lost contact. I put all this behind me as some hormone thing and i met my current partner of 8 years. We have 3 beautiful children together and like any couple, have had our ups and downs. I do love him, but i find myself attracted to women. I have always felt out of place with my friends when they talk about men because i could never understand the draw to them. I find myself checking out women and catching myself before my partner sees it. I feel like men are more my brothers when i meet them. I have more in common with them, but im not atrracted to them. Females...when i get to know a women, i feel companionship. I feel close. To avoid those situations since ive been with my partner, i have slowly avoided my friends and i dont have many left. I bascially threw myself into being a wife amd mum. Recently, my partner told me something that had been bothering him for years, and while its not a big deal for most, it is a massive deal fro him, and for him to tell me i felt that i needed to tell him my big secret. After 3 nights of contstant open, honest conversations( a first) about how i picture women when he does...things, and other conversations , he felt that i needed to talk to someone and that he would support me while i figured out myself. He has been so supportive and i don't want to be the one who has wasted his life. He has told me that if i am gay, that i haven't wasted it. He has 3 kids and someone who will always be there for him out of the last 8 years. I do love him. I don't want to hurt him. But since the conversations, i feel more free, so to speak. I find myself coming out of my shell more, being more myself than i have been in 8 years. I feel more comfortable with myself now that my partner knows i may be gay. Basically, i feel like im not acting anymore. Trying to be someone else. I know i basically just delivered your answer on a platter, but i need to know people opinions. Thanks in advance!
