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Has anyone ever left a longterm hetero partner... and missed them?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kgirl, Jan 30, 2013.

  1. Kgirl

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    As the title says. Has anyone ever been in a long term hetero relationship, which wasn't right, but then finished with your partner and later missed them like crazy?

    I'd been with my bf over 7 years before slowly realising that the reason I felt he was more like a friend, is probably because I'm not that into men. I've never really been physically attracted to him, but I love him deeply.

    And now I miss him like crazy :frowning2: I know he would take me back in an instant, but I don't think that'd be the right thing to do... especially as I have strong feelings for a woman right now. But I don't think I could share what I had with him with anyone else... or maybe that's because we were together so long :S

    Everything I look at right now reminds me of some memory with him. None of them romantic etc but we were always so so close and I miss that. But he loved me in a complete way and I now feel bad for not being physically attracted to him, especially for liking women while being with him.
     
    #1 Kgirl, Jan 30, 2013
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  2. justinf

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    Yep. I can totally relate.

    I hadn't been with my girlfriend as long as you'd been with your boyfriend; we were together for a little over a year, but we've shared some difficult moments together and it felt like we'd known each other a lot longer. She actually broke up with me because she felt something was going on.

    I miss her like freaking crazy. I miss the conversations we had, the intimacy, being able to myself, and just having her around. I constantly wonder if breaking up was the right thing to do (when I think about it rationally, I know it definitely was).

    It sounds like you definitely did the right thing as well. It's only to be expected you'll miss someone after you've been with them for so long. That doesn't mean it has anything to do with romantic or sexual feelings, though, as you already pointed out yourself. You just miss something (someone) that has been part of your life for so long.

    You can't help who you're attracted to, so don't feel bad about that. At least you were honest with yourself and gave both of you the opportunity to find a relationship where both parties feel the exact same way about each other.
     
    #2 justinf, Jan 30, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2013
  3. FallenAngel

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    I know several people who have been in the same situation, and I am one of them. It is completely normal to miss someone (especially when you were with them for 7 years) As they say...time will heal. Just focus on the woman you have feelings for right now and whenever you do look back at what you had with the other person, just remember the good times and move on. If you are into women and he is a man, that's kind of an issue unless you are willing to put you true feelings aside. I know it is so hard to do so but you just have to keep moving forward and know that it is just for the best. It is completely normal though and you are not alone. Best wishes! Here if you need anything!
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Hey! I know exactly how you feel and while, it hurts now, it'll get easier with time. I had been dating the same man since I was 19. We had kids, but during all those years, I was denying my feelings for women. And I couldn't pretend anymore, it was killing me; he's been my biggest supporter through my struggle. I thought if I ignored my feelings, they would go away. However, they did not, so I've been dating women since. Now, I know what I've been missing all these years.

    It's still fresh, so it's not unusual for you to miss him. Just as long as you don't go back to him. I kept going back and forth, which confused me even more. I love him, but love isn't enough.
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Jan 30, 2013
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  5. curlycats

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    i agree that what you're feeling and going through is completely natural. even now, several years later and with a different partner, i still come across things that make me think of my ex, but it's no longer in a sad/i miss him kind of way. time really does help heal, so hang in there. (*hug*)
     
  6. Jeff

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    It is the same with just regular friends when it ends. I have lost friends whom no sex was ever a part of it. And I miss some of them.

    So when you are close no matter, it will often feel a real loss - which it is.
     
  7. Kgirl

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    Thanks everyone. I guess it is natural. It's just new and raw right now, I guess. I don't think I'll ever stop loving him emotionally though.
     
  8. Kgirl

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    I don't think I've ever felt like this from losing a friend, but I guess it could be similar if you're close enough.
     
  9. scouse

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    I was with my ex for 6 years and I can relate to what you're going through. I don't want to get back together, I know it wouldn't be right, but I still miss my best friend very much. You're going through a grieving process and as others have said it will take time to move on. I made a list of why I split up with the ex and I read it when I miss him - just to remind me that I've done the right thing. Maybe give that a go. Keep yourself busy, too. Who knows, maybe one day you can both be friends again.