So i'm 17 and openly gay but there are a few family members don't know yet for various reasons. Anyways the person of interest for me right now is my 10 year old brother. I'll be leaving home soon and going out to live my life and learn who I am and all that good stuff and my brother and I won't be around each other at all. I really just want to know what an appropriate age to tell him is, I don't want to visit home one day with a boyfriend and blow his little mind. So what do you guys think? when should I tell him, he's gonna have to know eventually.
That's a tough one. I too have a little brother who is a bit younger than yours but still I think it all depends how mature his mind is to understand what's going on because by that age I didn't even really know what "gay" even meant.
I have the same question. My little stepbrother is also 10. My sexuality was vaguely brought up during dinner tonight. Luckily he was getting in trouble at the same time so he didn't have the chance to ask any questions.
I have the same question, too. Well, kinda. My cousin is 10 and he's practically my little brother, but I wish I could be honest with him. I guess you could be subtle or maybe play a game such as, "Guess what I like." "What?" "Guess." And he could guess until he gives up, and you tell him.... that's what I was thinking of doing with my cousin. I don't know.
Same here. My sister is nine, and the only reason I haven't told her is because I don't think she understands homosexuality. I'll tell her when she gets older.
I understand why some people are saying that you should wait, if they dont understand homosexuality or whatever. But to be honest, I think it is a good idea to introduce him to the idea now unless he would tell someone who you dont want to be out to. When I was a little kid I was often around gay guy couples as they were friends of my mom. Maybe at first it seemed out of the ordinary but just explain that people love who they love. I think it is great to introduce it to him now and hopefully that will help with people who maybe try to influence him negatively against the idea of homosexuality. I hope that makes sense...... Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I'd base it on his maturity I told my younger brother just awhile back bad he's 16 he lost it and things are still really hard between us.
There really isn't a "right" age to tell someone. The main reason why people sort of freak out about telling younger kids about homosexuality is because they think they are going to have to explain sex to little kids, which is not the case since being gay is not just about sex. All that younger kids care about is to get some sort of answer. All your brother needs to know now is that instead of you falling in love with other women, you fall in love with men, and then leave the door open in case he has any questions. I'm not as expert on the issue by far, but that's at least how it has been in my experience and with friends that I have talked to. I have a little cousin who is only 4 and she has met both my partner and her sister's partner, and she doesn't really care since she doesn't have the stigma attached to homosexuality like adults do. She knows we are a couple and that's that. She doesn't care why we are gay, what that means, why so different from everyone else or any of the none sense that adults would care about. Here is an old video which I always thought was pretty cute: [YOUTUBE]Fz7_J2D3uw4[/YOUTUBE]
I feel like my biggest fear is making him feel uncomfortable around me, and what if he starts questioning his own sexuality? I don't want him to go through that at such a young age, plus my parents told me that if he ended up being gay they'd blame me for it (which is completely ridiculous and unfair)
I think the best time would be when your parents find out (if you think they're accepting and understanding) they can help you explain what that means. Parents are just naturally good at explaining things to their kids. Conversely, how do you come out to an older brother who has homophobic tendencies? My brother seems really uncomfortable with the whole gay thing. He's two years older and I don't know how to approach him with the idea. Sorry if this is too far off this question, I just thought it was relevant.
I have gotten that from my dad too. Acording to him I can't be "gay" around him because that could fill his head with "ideas" and he might turn out gay too because of me. My dad is a smart man but damn he can be so ignorant at times :/
Pretty much this ^ At a young age, children don't really have the negative stigma that most adults contribute to homosexuality. All that the child would really need to know is that you like boys instead of girls, or girls instead of boys. That's it. To a child that young, relationships are just between people who like each other. Honestly, I don't think telling a young child should be all that difficult.
I have a similar experience, my sister's 11 and my other sister's 4. I really want to tell her (the older one), but I don't want to tell her about sex, shes almost in junior high, I'll tell her then. I also have an older brother (20), but he's very homophobic, so I don't plan to tell him; he can just figure out
Ah, the parent part is way more complicated since, you are right, they are being completely unfair to you. Think about it like this. Lets pretend that your brother will at one point question his sexuality. Do you want him to go through it alone or for him to know that his own brother can possibly help him out? Your brother won't question his own sexuality just because you are gay. Yeah, they may ask questions of how do you know, but it doesn't mean that they will try to copy you or something of that sort. They will just know that they have a gay brother who they still love. There is a possibility that by now he has encountered some homophobia by his age, but you should be able to clear any misconception that he has.
If your parents already know, then I don't see a problem telling him in an age-appropriate manner (which your parents can help you with if they're comfortable and open about it themselves) If your parents don't know, I'd advise waiting - not because he wouldn't be able to handle the information, but because it's not fair to a child that young to ask him to keep a long term important secret from his parents.
I disagree that there is an "inappropriate" age to tell a child about homosexuality. You don't have to have a discussion about sex at all. You could simply say, "Some people are attracted to the opposite gender and some people are attracted to the same gender. I happen to be attracted to the same gender". To me, if you say a certain age is inappropriate, you're, in a sense, saying that homosexuality is wrong and is something needs to be sheilded and censored out childrens minds. How can we ever raise an accepting generation if we're sheilding children from same gender love and affection? We don't sheild them from knowing about heterosexual couples. Also, gay couples adopt children--those children see their gay parents right from the beginning; and if I am not mistaken, studies have shown it did not influence the sexual orientation of the children being raised by gay couples.
I agree with some former posters. Children are really usually a lot easier to deal with than adults, and you don`t have to focus on the sexual part. It is about love. Some daddies love daddies, some daddies love mums, some daddies doesn`t know if he wants to marry a mum or a dad. That`s how I explained it to my 8 year old sister. Only she is a bit too mature for me to use mums and dads, so I simply said that Some girls love and want to marry boys, some girls love and want to marry other girls. I like girls better than boys, and I want a girlfriend. Not a boyfriend. She only said oh, and frowned. It wasn`t a big deal, it rarely is. Stigma and homophobic tendencies are taught, not in the DNA. Children can be very accepting, if we let them be. For a ten year old, I would keep it simple, just tell him that you want him to know, that if you find someone you love, and you want him to meet your family, it will be a guy. That you are going to fall in love with a guy one day, not a girl, and that you want to tell him so that he won`t get to surprised. And that he can ask you questions about it whenever he likes. 10 years is not inappropriate, in my opinion. Kids see love from they are small, they also know that there is different forms of love. A consept like big brother crushes on boys instead of girls, is not something a child has a problem with. The only thing I had to explain to my sister, since she was only 8, was that since I told her a girl could marry a girl, she asked if that meant that she and I could get married. So I had to explain that part, about how you cannot marry people who are in your family, and who you are related to, and it does not matter then if they are boys or girls. I explained it simple, and she got it right away, and then ran off to play. Your brother is 10, so you`ll probably not have to explain that bit, lol.
The discussion about sex won't hurt a child, either. The younger they are when they learn about sex, the easier it is for them. Sex is not wrong, and doesn't have to be censored. The same goes for telling younger siblings/cousins about sexual orientation. The younger, the better.
