So I am gay and have known for a long time. I have came out to a ton of friends and people other then my family. The one thing about me would be that no one would suspect that I am gay unless I told them or they heard it from someone. My mom earlier today came into my room to tell me that she loved me and continued to mention that she saw one of my friend's back from when I was a kid and said how he has become gay, is wearing make up, and became very feminine. She then mentions how my friend's mother is probably devastated for having a gay son and tells me if I were ever gay (she doesn't suspect a thing) she would probably die. After having hearing that I felt very discouraged. I thought when I come out to my mom she would be shocked but learn to accept my sexuality, but it seems like if I were to ever tell her she would be very disappointed and most likely get depressed. My mom has gone through a hard time with an upcoming divorce and so many other struggles and I feel like the last thing she would want would be that her son (me) would be gay. I don't even know how to feel anymore.
I feel for you. I've never told anyone and my mom has said similar things to me. Maybe if you ever do come out to your mom or she finds out, you could assure her that you will never become feminine or wear makeup. And not every gay guy is like that. Maybe that is what she was focusing on when she said that.
Honestly, if your mom just came into your room to talk about this with you, apropos of nothing, then I would suspect one of two things - she already has a feeling you might be gay, or she has no idea and is just trying to establish that some things in her life will remain the same (due to the divorce undoubtedly upsetting a lot of her expectations for how things were going to go). Either way, I'm sorry you had to hear that. I'm sure it didn't make you feel too great about yourself. The one thing I would say is that you could try to at least take comfort in the fact that this probably has a lot to do with things that don't involve you - parents going through this process are dealing with a lot, and sometimes don't act the way you expect - or are used to - them acting. Has she given you any other indication about how she feels about gay people before this?
I think she might be more worried about you becoming overly feminine wearing makeup and women's clothing. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I could see where it could cause some issues. I would test the water, and ask her a bit about what she thinks of non-effeminate gays like Sir Ian McKellen.
