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Unsure whether to take that next step from bisexual to gay.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SmokeandMirrors, Jan 30, 2013.

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  1. SmokeandMirrors

    SmokeandMirrors
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    Hey so I came out as bisexual before xmas as mentioned in my CO thread, however I'm beginning to have doubts as to whether I stopped myself halfway to the finish line as it were.

    Now it wasn't for the fact that I didn't want to upset my ex anymore than I had already or that I'm confused and like both girls and guys but I think that my coming out as bisexual might have been factored by me still thinking that I am attracted to women. I don't know if it's because that's just who I used to be and the persona I had therefore I'm just having learned behavioural responses to seeing a women I find attractive.

    I look at some women and think they are beautiful, gorgeous, whatever and I know that is just a perfectly normal judgement to make. However, other women I seem to feel a bit of a different urge, not quite sexually but more of an attraction to them. I'm really not interested in having penetrative sex with women anymore, that died during the last year of my hetro relationship. Sometimes I might think about what it would be like to just kiss and canoodle with a particular woman and possible go as far as oral but thats all. I don't want a relationship with a woman again. It's completely messed up.

    It's the complete opposite with guys tho; I want to go all the way and can't wait for the opportunity to get out and meet some nice guys (just having a busy time settling in the new home atm). I look forward to having a relationship with a guy and everything that comes with it but seriously have no desire to have that connection with a woman.

    This seems like a stupid question as I would probably answer it in a jiffy for someone else: can I find women attractive and even have some kind of sexual impulse reaction but be gay or am I possibly stuck in a bit of limbo atm where I can't quite let go of the ex-hetro side of me???

    Would really appreciate knowing if anyone else has experienced something similar.
     
    #1 SmokeandMirrors, Jan 30, 2013
  2. Acobi

    Acobi Guest


    I think you answered your own question here my friend. Based on what I took away from you story is that you are just not into being in relationships both emotionally and sexually with women. It sounds like you have gone there, done that and you understand that you are just not attracted to them anymore.


    It also sounds like you are wanting to reach out and explore yourself in regards to relationships with men. To me, this does not sound like bisexuality. A wise, good friend of mine once told me that it is not the relationship that makes you straight/bisexual/gay/etc, it is your mind. Although you have voiced your preference or interest in men-what it comes down to is WHO do you want to be with and that will be your answer. It might be time to make the next step. Hope this helps a little bit. I personally am going through a very very similar transition as well. Best of luck! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Acobi, Jan 30, 2013
  3. Darkrai

    Darkrai Guest

    You know I think I have the same problem... I know that doesn't answer your question, sorry.

    But I really want to hear what others have to say.
     
    #3 Darkrai, Jan 30, 2013
  4. Shorka

    Shorka
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    Look into biromantic. I'm romantically attracted to men and women but only sexually to women. It's as confusing as you have described.
     
    #4 Shorka, Jan 30, 2013
  5. SmokeandMirrors

    SmokeandMirrors
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    I think you've hit the nail on the head there Acobi, thanks :slight_smile: I was having a similar conversation with a girlfriend of mine earlier but unfortunately we got cut short so I needed to get it out on here.

    But, yeah I definately want to be with guys and not gals so let's see where that takes me.
     
    #5 SmokeandMirrors, Jan 30, 2013
  6. Acobi

    Acobi Guest

    Awesome to hear man! I'm glad. I'm excited for you to see where you can go from here. Being open minded and going for it are the first steps! We can do this! :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Acobi, Jan 30, 2013
  7. SmokeandMirrors

    SmokeandMirrors
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    Just having to add on here that I'm about to take exit from the very final phase of my transition by telling my ex that, after time apart from her, I'm gay. Going to be a killer but I'm trying to stick to an honesty policy and hopefully she will be able to move on with her life instead of hanging on just because I whacked a bisexual label on myself (mainly out of feeling bad for her I realise). Spending a week with her after coming out as bi only caused me more confusion until I final moved out and had a week without and then saw her this eve. What a bitch life can be but there we go. *shrug*
     
    #7 SmokeandMirrors, Feb 1, 2013
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