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A guy I care about-HELP!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by aLANAN, Jan 30, 2013.

  1. aLANAN

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    A guy I'm very attracted to physically and emotionally moved to China for work a few weeks ago before we could figure out anything. We still keep in contact but just yesterday he received a job opening in Russia, his home country, at the end of the year. He told me he cares for me but it'd be best if we both moved on due to our situations (his dad has terminal cancer, his family's in Russia and he's still discovering his sexuality, I'm still a student, was hospitalized recently because of an anxiety attack, and currently recovering). I know I should respect his wishes and let him move on but guys like him don't come around too often. Our personalities work well together. There's something special about him I love. He makes me feel comfortable and protected. He's sweet and my anxiety fades when I'm near or talk to him. How can I let someone I care for so much slip away? Idk what to do..I want to hold onto the hope that one day we'll find a way to be together but we're basically in different worlds now.
     
  2. shovelman

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    Have a talk with him and tell him those exact things that you wrote down because if he truly does make you happy then try to hang on to him, if it doesn't work out you will at least know that you tried and that could help you move on because you won't have to wonder what you could have done but instead know that you tried but it just wasn't meant to be. I wish you the best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. TwoMethod

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    Shovelman is right. You need to talk with him.

    If I was in your situation, I would be worried that the other person won't feel as strongly or in the same way as I do. I used to fear the embarrassment of rejection.

    But trust me: the feeling that you could have said something and made it work and didn't is much, much worse than the embarrassment of him not reciprocating your feelings. You do not want to live with that.

    You have to bite the bullet and tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe he might think you would think he was too clingy and serious if he rejected these job offers just because he wanted to stay with you. Maybe you mean a lot to him, but he thinks that he doesn't mean a lot to you? And maybe you don't mean as much to him as he means to you, but that could be simply because he doesn't realise how much you care for him.

    Either way, I don't know about the "respecting his wishes" concept. It is a tricky situation with this father being terminally ill, though.
     
  4. aLANAN

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    Thanks for the advice guys. Sadly, he's firm on us moving forward with our lives and not looking back. He intends to get married and have kids when he moves back. Honestly, even though I should be happy for him, it hurts. I don't want to think about someone else loving and caring for him. I am very certain though that he's still in denial about his sexuality (we have been intimate and he is definitely attracted to me, he also told me he is not attracted to the female anatomy) He tends to have late realizations with his true feelings and desires, as he likes to think objectively. I just don't him to be dishonest with himself and whoever he marries. Exaggerated rant but it fucking sucks I can't give him what he wants (a family and a "normal" lifestyle) and traditional culture values suck. ): But it's his life, so I'll just deal with it. ):