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I came out and feel more confused and depressed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ria, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. ria

    ria
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    I came out to my best friend three days ago and I am more depressed now than ever before. I decided to come out to her because I am starting therapy next week and felt she should be the first person I tell face to face. She wasn't upset and didn't judge me, but she is still tried to convince me that it's "just a phase" and I am making it up in my head. After I expressed to her that this is who I am and showed her boys I was interested in, she is trying to accept it.

    I feel as if I should have never told anyone. Now, I feel confused and I am more antisocial than before. All I do is think about this now and I struggle more with my identity than when I was in the closet. My friend also hasn't been as supportive as I expected. We talk and see each other everyday, but our friendship has changed. She doesn't spend as much time talking to me and is already hanging out with other friends more than ever. I want to tell another friend who I think would be more supportive, but after it not going well with someone who I was so close to I'm not sure what to do.
     
  2. Just Jess

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    If anyone has any just good generic advice on how to deal with the exhausting just a phase, you'll get over it, what about this time when you said/did this, I don't think this is real... I'm gonna work myself up just thinking about it. I mean it gets in your head and messes it up. You've been you forever and have thought or tried everything you're gonna hear a million times already. But that doesn't stop people!

    Sorry all I can give you is sympathy, I have similar problems. I'm guessing there aren't easy answers though :frowning2: I almost made this thread today.

    ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2013 at 07:09 PM ----------

    About finding another friend to come out to though, I came out as trans to two friends and only one really understood and was supportive the way I needed. It's always a gamble with everyone. Unfortunately I think most people go through life thinking it's not gonna happen to them, none of their friends will come out. I think that's why people react like your friend. But I can say having someone to talk to is a really really good thing. If you have someone else in mind it might be worth it.
     
  3. HadesReborn

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    When i told someone at first i was pissed and angry. Now i consider them to be one of my closet friends, at the time, because i was so blase about it she told me it could be a phase. Its not. Obviously. And she knows it.

    So, things will look up my friend. They always do. Unfortunately the only thing you can really do in this situation is wait it out until they accept that it isn't a phase. You can't exactly prove it to them... so relax. Take that weight off your mind. It isn't on you if they think its a phase that is on them :slight_smile: take courage and strength in knowing who you are as a person, even if others don't.
     
  4. ria

    ria
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    Yeah I'm trying to be patient, but she is the only person I can talk to about this. She literally just told me I don't even like boys that much
     
  5. HadesReborn

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    Then give her time. She needs to process the information as well. Time is your enemy on something like this, but trust your friend to get over her original thoughts/feelings :slight_smile: be yourself around her. Try not to be depressed, she knows now. You can't change that... but you can realize that there is now one person in the world that knows you more than anyone else, regardless of her reaction, that should be a freeing sensation :slight_smile:
     
  6. poppyFUFU

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    You can't let people judge you for who you are because you are normal no matter what people say. Life is full of suprises so explore and be yourself and ignore everyone else trying to change you.

    ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2013 at 11:26 PM ----------

    You can't let people judge you for who you are because your normal no matter what people say.life is full of pleasent surprises so explore them and be yourself without worrying about what others think.
     
  7. bballfan

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    I am in a similar situation as you. I decided to tell a friend for the first time on Wednesday. She was pretty accepting but she also still seemed a little upset and awkward. She told me that she was there for me and that I will be okay. For some reason, that made me feel worse. I think it just made me feel like a freak. I woke up the next day with a heavy feeling of regret that I told her. It's scary that one person knows you more than anyone else does.