for a while now I've just had no motivation to anything at all, like honestly I don't even care about anything anymore. I've been depressed off and on for about a little more than four years, but there more like extreme mood swings, I also recently know have progsively been getting anxiety problems, and I think I have ADD. Anyways I really don't care about anything in my life anymore, like I'm failing 3 classes right now and I won't do anything to make them better, I never study, nor do I ever take notes, and people say how smart I am, but I'm smart with like philosophy and whatnot. I play guitar, and I sing, but I don't ever practice to get any better, though, I'm told I "have potential", I also right songs and lyrics, and I know they're good but I just don't really care right now to finish them, and I want to have a career in music, but I don't have any drive to, and I want to make a band, but no-one here likes the music I like (Gothic metal, Doom Metal, Folk Metal, Symphonic metal) so that will never happen. I don't really have any close friends, but the one I do have I'm loosing because I finally told her that I'm gay, and she's being stupid about that. I'm extremely insecure about my body and I want to lose about 8 pounds, though people say I'm already skinny and my BMI is 21.6, but I still want to lose weight, but I won't try though I say I will. I have no self-confidence or self-esteem as you can see. And I have extremely emotionally abusive parents who just yell at me for everything since as long as I can remember, and they always say how amazing my older brother (20) is and how amazing my younger sister (11) is. And I get about 5 hours of sleep usually, and I used to be bulimic just don't care what happens to my life now, like I don't even care If I die tomorrow or if I have a completely terrible life and I end up a failure; which I will
You do have so much potential. The only problem lies in that lack of motivation you say you have. The way to get that back is to, 1: seek a counsellor to talk about your problems and find where this lack of motivation is coming from, 2: set yourself goals for these tasks/hobbies that you can't be bothered with, real 'big' goals, long term and some short term, that will have a big impact in your life, such as making a band, this would give you something to focus on and work towards, thus creating motivation, apply this logic to other areas of your life and you should be just fine
I'm sorry that you have to experience these feelings so young. This past year has been incredibly difficult for me, and I can relate to many of the things you're going through. I'm going to try and briefly describe how I've been dealing with it. It's cool if it's TL;DR. I stopped pretending there was nothing wrong when I couldn't go to class without crying, for no reason, and I rarely cry. I found a counselor at my school and spent 5 1-hour sessions just sobbing in her office. That's not a lot of time for a counselor/therapist to get to know there patient enough to help them, but the fact that I was asking for help turned a little light on in my head. I refused the antidepressants that she insisted I take and thought about what changes I could make to get better. Since then, I've come out to my parents and my panic attacks are less frequent. For me, it has helped to be my own drill sergeant. Whenever I don't feel like doing something, I tell myself to stop being a baby and pick myself up. I think about how lucky I am, and how some people would kill to have my life. It's still hard, but it gets me to class and work on the days where I just want to die in bed. Each of us has to be our own best friend and worst enemy. You'll definitely fail if you keep telling yourself that you will. Cheer yourself on, man! Rise from the ashes! Message me if you ever want to talk. We're all here for you.
I know exactly where your coming from. I have ADD since i was 7, severe depression for two years so far, panic anxiety, and anger issues (but not lately). Last year I gave up at one point. I was done with everything and beat myself up until I had taught myself that I was nothing. I didn't want to get out of bed. Life didn't really mean anything to me. But then someone said something to me. They said, "Jade. You have a fucking life to live." i found that balance between not caring enough and caring too much. Sure I still back track and have my days and weeks but everyone has a purpose. Just don't let anyone stop you from being you. Find what's better for you.
