I've been out to myself and about a dozen other people over the course of about a year or so. It's been quite difficult, as is true for most of us. Someone mentioned the "mask" that they have worn in another thread that I read tonight. So I want to try to identify the masks that I have worn for years. The biggest has probably been humor - the sort of almost sarcastic or repetetive remarks that people with whom I work have heard me say numerously. I'm slowly becoming aware that they sense that something's going on beneath it. It is slowly beginning to wane, though, as I'm working on acceptance of being a gay man. But it has been a mechanism to eclipse my limited, true self for years. I think that what I might be coming to see is that, as our true sexual nature is claimed, we become naturally more limited into a more authentic self (a finite human being) as we emerge into the world. I offer quiet prayers to the universe that this will continue to be tempered in me as I emerge from the closet. Other masks to come. ...I just wanted to put that out there tonight...
I think a lot of people wear masks. It's part of human nature to hide who you really and truly are except for a small, undisclosed — almost-null — set of people. It's a great feeling when you realise that maybe you don't have to wear a mask all the time; becoming more "authentic" is uplifting.
Another mask that I have worn as a defense against ratifying my sexual orientation is that of a Mr. Nice Guy. Healthy anger has been something that I have struggled deftly with to manage. It was always easier to be a peace-maker or to want to exercise passive behaviors in the place of allowing healthy anger to be expressed. I would never allow myself to be a human being with healthy limitations. ...I just thought I'd put that one out there tonight...
