Sorry for the long read... I'm 17 and finishing my final year in high school. I knew I was gay since I was 14 but I went through a denial stage and then after that I went through a big depression. Since then, I came out to one of my sisters and her husband and then later on, my parents. Both my sister and her husband have been supportive and my parents claim to that things won't change and that they still love me but I feel as though I failed them somehow. I always wanted to be the good son they always wanted but I just feel like being gay ruins all of that. Also, I haven't come out to my other sister who is also gay because she tells my cousin EVERYTHING who will in turn tell everyone else in my family and I am not ready for that. I think the reason I am scared to come out is because I seen how the public reacted to my sister holding hands with her girlfriend... I remember everyone pointing, staring and some laughing. Also since I was 14 I haven't been the same. I am never happy and don't really find much interesting anymore. I'm so tired of this anxiety and being scare of what people are going to think of me coming out. Sometimes I imagine myself with a guy and I am happy but then that feeling quickly leaves and I feel empty again. I plan on coming out when I am done high school and I would like to find someone but I don't even know where I can find people. I'm just scared that I am going to stay like this anxious depressed alone person for the rest of my life... what do I do?
Well, the first thing you need to do is stop worrying what other people think of you! Honestly, it doesn't help you at all. I've been there, done that. I spent a lot of time in high school wondering what I can do to make people think I'm normal? How can I make people stop picking on me? All that nonsense. In my grade twelve year, I became completely honest with myself, my friends, and every other person in the school. I'm gay, and that's that. From that point on, all of the bullying and harassment I already took became something that made me stronger. I took the hurtful comments like "dyke" and turned them into fuel for my confidence. It'd hurt for a second, and then I'd remember that I love who I am, and their words were just insecure shields. Granted, none of them ever got to see me with my partner (long distance), but what did it matter? My grade 13 year was my best yet. I was completely out at school (my parents are now the only ones I've never told), I had a bunch of great friends, I was doing what I loved, and being who I wanted to be. Gradually, the comments died down as my confidence grew. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be confident in who you are. There is always going to be people out there who disagree with you on something or another. It might hurt for a while, but you'll get through it. Try getting the opinions of some people close to you, ask them what they think. I hope I've helped some. Everything will feel so different if you're honest.
