So, this is a topic that may have been beaten to death, but here I am. I'm an adult male (in my 40s) with a wife and kids. I'm straight but happen to enjoys aspects of gay sex. I really like watching gay porn and get turned-on by good looking guys with nice bodies (and particular parts of nice bodies). I've "played around" with other guys but found those experiences to be not entirely satisfying. I don't have any interest/experience with anal sex, nor am I really interested in kissing a guy. Oral sex (receiving) and masturbation are pretty much where my interests stop. My wife recently found the gay porn on my computer and my experimentation with other guys and then confronted me about this. She is convinced that I'm gay and that if she "lets me go" then I can find some guy to be happy with. I'm fairly confident that's not the case. Has anybody here been in a similar situation? Anyone here have suggestions about how to do a better job articulating this? I pretty much hate labels, but sometimes they're useful and there doesn't seem to be one for this. Thanks for reading.
You're in a big mess. I'm not usually the "go to the doctor" type, at least as far as sexuality is concerned, but I really think that you need some kind of counselling, both individually and as a couple. You need some kind of a trusted 3rd party, both to figure out your own sexuality and as a trusted source of information and advice for your wife, to keep your marriage intact (if you aren't gay, that is) or end it gracefully (if you are.) Frankly, a few things you said sound like you're more gay than you might think. You apparently enjoy looking at "particular parts," you enjoyed writing that sentence, and then quickly added qualifiers that sex acts that bring you in intimate contact that part or kissing a guy are of "no interest" to you. It's a very typical pattern of coping with repressed desires: to satisfy them just a little tiny bit, a bit that "wouldn't really count as <undesirable label>." ADD: And you didn't actually say anything about sex with and attraction to women, only a bald declaration of "being straight" and wish to keep your family intact. It may be something else, but that's a distinct possibility.
Thanks for the reply. I guess I should clear up the being straight part. I have had, and enjoyed, sex with women since I was a teenager. I still find women to be attractive and sexy, but increasingly there has been this other attraction to guys as well. I agree that I'm in a big mess and I am currently seeing a psychologist for mental health reasons having been diagnosed as bipolar a number of years ago. He is aware of what happened this week, and clearly, we'll be exploring this going forward. I'm still interested in hearing about others who may have had similar experiences. Doing an internet search comes up with lots of situations that aren't really the same, but maybe mine truly is strange.
I'm gay (for the most part) but I don't want to have anal sex really. You're honestly the only one who knows what you truly are; even if someone's situation is completely analogous to yours, it doesn't mean anything. Each person is different and has a unique situation. Take a long time to think about it, put your guard down, and don't repress yourself. You may come to a decision or you may not. You don't even need to give yourself a label, just let your mind wander; if you like a guy, ok. If you like a girl, that's ok too.
