Well, hi. I'm a sophomore at a university. My roommate and I lived together last school year and again this school year. We've formed a friendship and we talk about life in general and also deep personal things (I told her when I lost my virginity, stuff like that.) She's also told me a lot about herself. Our spiritualities are similar, and I'm not really afraid to tell her anything, except, naturally, I am nervous about telling her that I'm bisexual. When I was questioning my sexuality last semester, I told her about it. Okay, I'll admit it, we were under the influence. But she was okay with it, she just didn't say much. She did mention that she has a relative who is bisexual. I know that she is accepting of the LGBT community. Since she didn't say much the first time I told her, I brought it up again and she was just worried that I had a crush on her. I strongly assured her that I didn't (I don't), and she assured me that she was okay with it. We talked about it a little bit, but we haven't really talked about it since; she's just mentioned that she doesn't mind changing in front of me quickly as long as I wasn't checking her out (she said this somewhat jokingly) and I told her that I wouldn't. I haven't but I'm afraid that I may have accidentally glanced at her once when I walked in (after leaving the room briefly to take out my trash) and she was changing, but I looked away quickly. Since then she's locked the room when changing if I was gone (she's done this before sometimes) but we haven't talked about this. Maybe it just wasn't a big deal to her, I don't know. But I'm still feeling embarrassed and idiotic about it :icon_redf I trust her and respect her a lot and vice versa, so I know that I want to come out to her. I'm thinking about bringing up my past questioning and tell her that I apologize if I ever made her feel uncomfortable about anything. This upcoming week we're able to move to another room/dorm if we need to and can't resolve an issue with a roommate, so I'm thinking this is one good reason to come out now (also I'm sick of this closet) just in case she'd want us to not live together anymore. I'm not really thinking that that would be the case, but I want to let her know that I would certainly understand if it was. I wouldn't mind either way, because I'm comfortable around her and I'm not attracted to her or anything. She's my friend and I just want to respect her and continue to keep a valuable friendship. So now that I've written more than I meant to...I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice? Or any similar stories/situations? Or just words of encouragement. Thanks for reading.
I just came out to my roommate this week. He was totally OK with it. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we roomed together last semester so he knows I'm not a creep. LOL. From what you've said, it sounds like your roommate is already pretty comfortable with you, so there's a good chance she won't have a problem with you coming out. You already told her about your questioning, so the only thing new would be that you are no longer questioning. Just maybe reiterate that you aren't attracted to her, that you just want to remain friends and that you are fine with keeping the same living arrangements if she's comfortable with it.
As Caleb said, you've basically already come out but for the final conformation. Again tell her what your honest feelings are for her (or lack of feelings). Tell her you don't want to lose her as a friend, but if she's uncomfortable then you understand if she doesn't want to share the same room. Give her the opportunity to ask questions and answer them 100% truthfully.
I came out to my roommate this week too. She was amazing about it and now it feels really good to have someone to talk to/someone that understands.
If you two are close and you already told her that you were questioning your sexuality, then you should tell her. She will probably be fine with it and you will feel better after you tell her. I know after I told my roommate I felt much better.
Thanks for the replies everyone! I think I will tell her today. I'm sure she will understand and be accepting. I'll just make it clear that I'm okay with whatever decision she makes regarding living together, after I make it clear that I'm not checking her out or crushing on her or anything. I'm just nervous to tell her. But I'm sure I will feel a lot better and relieved once I tell her. I'm glad that it went well for you guys. That makes me a little less nervous. I'll just try not to overthink it.
