Greetings all. This is still a little new to me, so go gentle, 'k? I'm cisgender F, but currently dress androgynous most days. I'm what some might term generously built, so men's shirts fit better, as do jackets and pants and...well, you get my meaning. My current partner (Cisgender M and straight-curious) is helping me to dress and pass as a guy. It's not exactly being a drag king, more like me feeling 'myself' again. The big question for me is how I can do this at work without questions being asked, or if I should just keep it toned down at work. I am a librarian (for my sins) and so conservative workwear isn't a problem. I'll normally wear black pants, a shirt and either a vest or sweater vest. I'm planning to wear a suit to work in the summer, but my most recent lust has been for a tie and cufflinks. Question is, do I give in to what I'd like to do and wear a tie to work (given I haven't before) or do I just keep that for my male persona outside work? What might be the reaction? Any help gratefully appreciated on this one. -ML
You are who you are. If you use the excuse of "I've never done it before", then you'll NEVER do ANYTHING new ever again. If you're nervous, you could always try to do it in a low key way. ie a shirt, tie and jumper. So it's mostly hidden. Or you could try with a feminine looking tie first.
Honestly, if you want to wear a tie then I think you should wear a tie. In my faculty there are more than a few individuals of both genders who wear ties and no one bats an eyelid. If people do ask questions I'd imagine a simple "because I like how I look in them" would suffice, and if not then people are being far too nosey. If wearing a tie to work is a bit too much all at once, then just wear the tie outside of work until you are comfortable enough in it to just stroll in with your tie like it's the most normal thing in the world. Which it is.
Wear a tie, if you feel like it. If you go in there confident and have an attitude that no one should question it, they won't. It might seem odd, but a lot of it is in how you carry yourself. I wore a tie and the whole get-up for a presentation in school, and the only thing people told me was that I looked really professional.
If you want to wear something, wear it. But you must be confident. If you aren't confident, you won't pull it off, and you will be confronted. If you are confident, you won't have a problem. You might have people probe your confidence (why are you wearing that?), but if you are confident, you son't have a problem, and they will accept your answer.
