1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Re: i just dont know

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Meza2007, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. Meza2007

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2013
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Hello everyone, new to this forum, and let me tell everyone now that I mean no disrespect with this post if anything I say is offensive I am very sorry to you all. I am a 17 year old teenage guy, I play football am in choir and on the throws team. About 3-4 months ago I was at a football game at a local community college and then I saw a gay guy cheerleader and I pressumed he was gay, an I'm not sure if I thought he was good looking or something but then I asked myself what if I'm gay. And since that day the question has tormented me in saying "what if I'm gay" "do I like guys" "do I want to have sex with him" "do I think he's hot" "what if this guy kissed me would I like it". This also came up like 6-7 months ago, but I watched gay porn hated it and knew I wasn't gay. So this time around I watched gay porn and again didnt like it almost vomited (again mean no disrespect giving full story). But it didn't go away just stayed in my head. I went to a psychologist because this was all really bothering me. He said maybe I wasn't allowing myself to really enjoy it. So I tried to like it tried to get into it but if anything my penis got smaller. But the question remains. I have a girlfriend I love her, or believe I love her, I like kissing her touching her fucking her. I love eating her out and so much about her as well overall. She wAsnt the first girl I had sex with he is the 2nd. I really liked sex with the other girl an love having sex with my girl, I am fully attracted to her emotionally and physically. Before all this me and my friends would always act "gay" pretend to buttfuck each other, grope each others assess, slap each others asses, tell each other we ha nice asses, calling each other cuties, but I never worried about it because we were on the football team, had girls, never got hard when messing around. Even now, I feel so much more awkward because I fear what if I get a bonner what if I kiss m friends, but I literally had my friends head on my nuts and my penis shrunk again I believe (didnt check). And then in choir my teacher is gay and on my the guys in the higher choirs is gay as well. And then I randomly thought Matt is a cool guy I like him. Then I thought wait I like him wtf do I, and then the next day I realized I didn't it was just me messing with myself. I can admit a good looking guy because i became very close to my secuality because of football we would even say if a guy was sexy, never felt wrong, now it bothers me. I keep fearing the only way I will know Forsure is if I kiss a guy but when I think of kissing a guy I cringe, and don't like it at all the thought makes me shake. If anyone can help please it would mean a lot I have nothing against gays but I'm just lost and unsure about this and just nervous. I mean 17 years of straight thought never questioning letting this all be natural an then this, I feel like I'm forcing myself to have these thought. Please help