My girlfriend recently broke up with me. We had dated for 10 months and things were up and down for different reason, all mostly because of her. She is in a sorority at the college and none of those friends know about her being with a girl. I wont call her gay b/c she has been with guys before. She was in a relationship with her best friend in highschool who was a girl and when word of that got out she lost her friends and her parents, mainly her mom, flipped out and took away her phone, comp, made her switch classes, and even go to counseling. So the GF at the time and her decided she would get a cover up boyfriend. But all the while she still kept contact with the GF and yet feelings for the boy developed. She was young and it's easy to develop feelings when attention is given. Things were good with them but when he moved to college he cheated on her and that ended that. And she told me that she always knew she would really choose the girl. So she moved to college and they, her and the girl stayed in touch and were committed long distance for about 4.5 years. It ended about the time last year. Then her and I met and things were amazing. I fell completely in love and so did she, or I thought. We would fight b/c she had sorority obligations and felt like she couldn't come out to them b/c they would reject her and kick her out. she never had a lot of friends in highschool and was happy she had close friend in college. Except if they don't accept you completely...they aren't true friends, right??? Anyways, her parents also still don't know about her being with a girl. Not now and not the past 4.5 years. She was constantly having to go home and do stuff or do sorority things and I wasn't invited b/c ppl couldn't know about us. Still, we worked through it and I was trying to be patient. Her friends will be moving back home in May, so we had planned to move in together in May. thats over a year together and longer than most lesbian couples make it without moving in together. lol But this last week it's like something just flipped. We have been fighting about stuff and I know she wants to go out and have fun with the friends b/c it is the last time she'll really see them for a while, and I don't think she has or ever would really cheat on me, so that's not the issue. I know its hard to come out especially to people you feel wont accept it. We work together, which makes the situation harder, although our schedules differ a bit. Everyone at work knows about us and is cool with it. She is open about it there. She told her sister about it and she is cool. We have stayed with her a couple times and She (the now ex) said she liked going up there b/c she could be around family and be who she was. Anyways, she broke it off with me this week yet still wants to text and talk and skype and be touchy at work. Like..I don't know what to do. I love her dearly and we had talked about a future together. She was always the one who would mention having babies and marriage. And to me that's not something you say unless you know what you want. We were texting last night and she said she just hated it all. And I said she just hates that she can't tell ppl...she hates that she can't be free. and she agreed. she feels she can't tell pll. On skype she was blowing me kisses and I try not to return them. She is confused right now and seems she would want to stay away from what confuses her. She says she isn't sure she can be with a girl. I think it is the societal and family pressure. I don't think she wants a guy, although she has been with guys before. She always told me that our intimacy was so much better than that. She never complained. But she said she sometimes thinks of the american dream of ya know man and kids and white fence I guess.....but I told her that the american dream has definitely changed and we could have all that. She said she wants to work out her and get herself in order. Her health is bad...we recently found out she has a cyst on her brain and migraines are awful. her parents are dealing with a divorce since the summer and come to find out....her dad is gay. Is now living with a man. And have told her...if you deny your hearts desire, and force yourself to be with man, there is a very good chance you will end up like your dad after 20 years of marriage. Of course, I want her back. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But most of all I want to be able to help her get through this hard time and find the right thing to say. Should I back off? Should I keep trying? What is the right thing to say to someone dealing with all of this? I want to be able to help her even if she doesn't come back to me. I love her so much and her happiness is important to me. Everyone deserves to be happy, regardless of who they are with. Sorry it was such a long post. Guess I need to talk. Any advice is very much appreciated.
