Really, my mom specifically but I'd prefer to focus on them as a unit. Basically, I'm in the strange state of my mom knowing I'm gay while I'm not "out." I'm growing tired of this situation and just want to be honest and open. During our conversations (three so far) on my being gay have we have never used the word "gay." But we have made some progress. I think she's not quite as scared about my spending time with an LGBT social group (mostly because I'm more concerned with friendship right now, and nothing more) and a slight recognition that she should be less overbearing (her words, not mine). One of her concerns was her not having someone to talk to, especially about how her expectations of my future have changed (no meeting a girls, no getting married to said girl, no kids etc). I don't really know how to answer that question or help her with er disappointment. My concern is her not having a good understanding of LGBT people. I thought about PFLAG and mentioned it. She however is afraid she'll get "sucked in." I don't think I'm going to find neutral arbiters of sexuality to help her. I myself am not so sure about the support group aspect of PFLAG, feeling that if there's something to address we should just address it ourselves instead of talking indirectly to each other at a meeting. Yet it seems like it would result in some positive progress. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
You def have the right idea of trying to get your mom the support that you need. Just like we have to get used to this whole idea and we need to talk to people about it, parents also need the same thing. It sounds like PFLAG might not be your mom's thing (took a year for my mom to finally go to one meeting), but they are honestly so helpful if she does go. Its sort of like EC, but for parents who are going through the same thing. You have parents who are just getting used to the idea and parents who are pros at this. They all just share their stories and give each other advice or support on what to do. If that doesn't sound like a good deal, then maybe an LGBT friendly therapist might be a good idea. I know it helped my mom tremendously and it sort of was the slap that she needed to wake up. If that doesn't work then your next option are books and videos. There are tons of things out there, but these pamphlets done by PFLAG are reallly good at introducing the subject to parents. Yes, they aren't perfect and they could use some updates, but they do their job nicely enough. For books, I have only read the two that I bough for my mom, but here is a list that PFLAG recommends. I haven't read any of them so, again, I can't vouch for them, but I'm just in love with PFLAG so I'll trust their judgement. And if books aren't your thing, then there are also videos on youtube from mom's talking and giving advice. I don't have links to any particular one, but if you have trouble finding one then let me know. Also, help yourself and read the same things your give your parents. It will make this whole process a tons easier if you know exactly what your parents are going through. That way you can kind of see the reactions coming before they hit you.
