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His personality is undesirable, but he's extremely attractive.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Robin, Feb 3, 2013.

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  1. Robin

    Robin
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    There's a guy at my school that I really really like because he really turns me on. I fantasize about being with him all the time and I am extremely attracted to him, but I don't think I could ever deal with his personality if I were to be in a relationship with him.

    This is killing me because he's a nice guy, he has a lot of the same interests as me, but the way he talks about things and jokes around bothers me. He's the type of person who's really into internet memes, so if you need an example of his humor, that's it.

    Now I've never seen him outside of school, and whenever we talk he seems to change a bit and he seems more tolerable. This is really confusing me. I really have a crush on this guy for some reason even though he bothers me.

    The biggest thing that bothers me about him is that I would be embarrassed to date him. He's kind of chubby...fine, really chubby, and his personality, as I've mentioned before, is less than desirable, but when I first saw him, like, the very first time, it was like a Romeo and Juliet moment. Although love at first sight isn't exactly what happened, it was more like a feeling of "I need to date that guy" at first sight.

    Which is weird, because I don't even know if he's gay...there's another problem, but I've already sort of accepted the fact that he might not be. Put the cart before the horse just this once and think of him as if he were actually gay. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    So does anyone have any advice about dealing with this? Has anyone ever gone through it, and how did you deal with it? I'm at a dead end as far as figuring this out goes.
     
    #1 Robin, Feb 3, 2013
  2. niallhoran

    niallhoran
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    I'm currently going through this, and what I can say is that remember that there are negative aspects to every personality. That said, if you really don't think you can handle his personality, don't date him. There's this one girl at my school who used to be my best friend, and she was sooooo hot. I had the biggest crush on her. Then I realized what a bitch she was. How I dealt with it I pictured scenes where her negative traits came out, and no matter how hot she was, I realized there was no way I could date her. I still have fantasies of her, but only fleeting ones.

    Then I found my current crush/best friend. She's admittedly not the prettiest girl on the planet, but her personality is so amazing that it made her about twenty times more attractive than she is. Personality matters.

    Hope that helps :slight_smile:^
     
    #2 niallhoran, Feb 3, 2013
  3. Rebellion

    Rebellion
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    I don't think I could date either with someone whose personality doesn't fit me a little, I tend to like guys that have a nice personality though they're not very hot. If you don't like how he behaves, just imagine if he had confidence in you...
     
    #3 Rebellion, Feb 3, 2013
  4. Gen

    Gen
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    I'd have to agree with the previous posters. I recently went through that in the a few months ago. He was fairly attractive and at the time I think that I felt more attracted to him because I wanted to be with someone at the time.

    5 Months later.....

    He annoys the shit out of me! The more I get to know him, the more completely done I am with all of it. Now that I can look at the situation closely, he really isnt even all that special appearance wise. I know many other much better looking men, but in the heat of the moment, I wanted the idea of him much more than I wanted the reality of him. So I wouldnt do it.

    And I know exactly the type of personality you are talking about. There is this guy that has been showing interest in me, but I really couldnt deal with his goofy personality all day.(I'm not attracted to him physically though either. Which is why I kind of feel bad for softly pushing him away.)
     
    #4 Gen, Feb 3, 2013
  5. Robin

    Robin
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    Well, I've had this crush for 2 and a half years, actually, so I don't think he's going to be annoying me completely any time soon, and I have a feeling that deep down, I like his personality. It's just the fear that he'll embarrass me that's stopping me. I feel like I'm holding myself back or something, and I'm giving in to what others want of me. I have to sit next to this guy in class every day, and every day I feel like I'm gonna lose it. XD
     
    #5 Robin, Feb 3, 2013
  6. Rebellion

    Rebellion
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    Sorry, but I can't agree with you, how can you like his personality if you fear he'll embarrass you someday, if he embarrass you then something is going wrong, his behaviour that comes directly from his personality, and his fears. However, if you're really for him, then, go for it, I don't think that being so young you should be that extra careful as I am for example (something I must solve), at least, you'll experience new things, or, if he doesn't feel the same for you, at least you will have tried it, and gathering experience is really worth it for the future, good luck making your choice!
     
    #6 Rebellion, Feb 3, 2013
  7. GoWithTheFlow

    GoWithTheFlow Guest

    why are you even going to these places in your head? he probably isn't gay so you can feel free to fantasize about him all you want, but you don't even need to think about the point of dating. The chances he's gay are slim, so just focus on that and find someone who is gay that you are really attracted to and and has a good personality.
     
    #7 GoWithTheFlow, Feb 3, 2013
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