Its been way too long since I've last posted here on EC. And i feel that im not giving back to the community that has helped me so much in the past three months with my whole coming out process. So i believe, that the least i can do now, is post a kind of update of the sorts. And tell of what I've been going through ever since I've left behind the confines of the closet. Since i first came out, on November 29th officially to my parents, I've been getting more and more comfortable with my newfound self. I have been feeling this rising sence of pride in myself and who i am. NO longer am i afraid of what others think of me, no longer am i afraid of being judged. I have been out for three months now, and i have yet to be brought down by a single naysayer who tries to put me down. I realize that i have MUCH to learn and go through, and i am taking each day as another opportunity to learn something new. But in the past two months, when i have been without a boyfriend. And my last relationship with my ex girlfriend from when i was closeted has long since passed. I've been feeling my bones and heart ach for that someone who is there for me, the one who understands me. I have been feeling the cold of loneliness, causing aches across my body. And yet, i still have yet to locate a single other guy in my area who is like me. My mind is constantly on the lookout for that guy. But i have seen none. Being that i have been closeted for 13 years, im very good at hiding my emotions. Perhaps a little too good at it. As a result, this feeling, of being alone, cold, and aching for companionship has caused me to feel depressed. Yet nobody knows, all because i put up this front that fools most. Im still happy, go lucky me. But only as a mask covering my true feelings. Im not seeking help. Instead im putting out advice. Since the beginning of this month, I've started to take up my time with other things. Trying to bury my feelings of lonlieness. Bit instead of burying them and suppressing them. I've found myself feeling better. I don't quite know how to explain the feeling, but since I've been taking up my own time, doing things that make me feel accomplished and as though im helping someone or doing something worth my time, the feeling of lonlieness has been ebbing away. How does one 'Embrace' loneliness? Find what makes you happy. Something that makes you feel good. Something that makes a time in your life worth your time. Because sitting there, thinking about what you can do in order to escape this bubble of nobody, isn't going to help you escape. It will only cause you to become further enveloped in your world of loneliness. Continue on with your life, and although difficult at first, don't linger on the thought of being alone and how to escape its grasp. Move onto more positive thoughts and goals, and eventually you'll find yourself in a happier place than where you started. i might be wrong in some aspects of this, but it is only my own opinion and experience of the subject.
No, I think that this is right on for the most part. After being closeted for 20 years myself, I'm just starting the process (though I'm taking it REALLY slow...that might not be a good thing). Up until this point in my life, I've been doing exactly what you suggest in order to suppress my emotions and sense of self. Eventually, it's not enough to simply occupy yourself with other things. At some point (and for me, that point is now in regard to my sexuality) you have to deal with the underlying issues, or everything will come to a head. I agree that in the short term what you suggest can be helpful. But in the long run, it's actually destructive IMO.
I was lonely for about two years, starting near the tail end of high school. I had one relationship in that time, but it was entirely unfulfilling, so I don't count it. The point at which I embraced loneliness was some time into my second (current) relationship. I realized that at some points, being alone was much preferable to being in an undesirably close partnership with somebody. We are ALWAYS together, and I get sick of her almost once a day, and sometimes more. That's not to say I don't love my gf very much, but I am a solitary person by nature, and while loneliness aches and eats away at your self-worth occasionally, it doesn't bind you. At least when you're alone, your life is yours. That fact makes any temporary loneliness feel a lot better.
These past few weekends, I've 'embraced' loneliness to the point of getting stuck in my head. I'm an introvert, spend a lot of time alone, but there's a difference in spending time with myself and avoiding interaction.
