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The Confusing Chronicles of Hugo

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by amac1985, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. amac1985

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    Hi all, I'm almac. I joined because I need advice, I am going INSANE. I'm sorry this is so long, there's a lot because it's not your usual story. It's just my luck, of course, that it's complicated as hell. But in a way, it makes for a good story.

    So there's this guy, we'll call him Hugo. Because that's his real name. I met him on his eighteenth birthday through a mutual friend. He told me he was "bi". His best friend is a girl called Kate, who was his first (and only) girlfriend. Kate was a stripper, who worked with my best friend Celine. Celine told me that Hugo is actually gay because Kate had told her so one night. In fact, months before when Hugo and Kate were still dating, Kate had come to work one night and told Celine that she thought her boyfriend Hugo was gay. When Celine inquired, Kate said that they hadn't had sex and that she was a virgin. Hugo wasn't ready, apparently. So a while later Kate and Hugo broke up because of it. This is what she said to Celine, before we got to become friends with Hugo.
    Because Kate is awesome, she tried to hook me up with Hugo after hanging out a few times. She said "he's too shy and confused to initiate, but you should definitely go for it!"
    Kate then left to go live in the UK, so Celine and I sort of adopted Hugo and quickly became close friends. Hugo is distractingly good-looking, in fact personally I think he's better than anyone I've ever seen. He is very shy and awkward and definitely has social anxiety. He insists he's bi, which none of us believed because Kate flat out said he was gay whenever Hugo wasn't around.
    Our first night of properly hanging with Hugo was a big eye opener. I guess because I initiated the invite, when he arrived he sat next to me, always looked at me with a big grin, and followed me like a puppy dog. I thought he liked me, and Celine did too. We went to a gay club towards the end of the night and he got super drunk. I told him I wouldn't let anyone take advantage, and he thanked me. Towards the end of the night he got crazy into it on the dance floor, and rejected a guy who pulled him in and tried to snog him. The guy came over to me and said "I get it", and I said "We're just friends" and he said "Suuure." Hugo and I eventually danced hand in hand, fingers intertwining. I was like "uh yep so this is happening". Eventually we went back to his to crash, all of us. We all stayed in a big room with giant double-mattress bunk beds, the two girls on top, and Hugo and me in the one below. I must have said something funny before we fell asleep, because he laughed and grabbed my waist in a very forward way, then backed off. Later on I was pretending I was asleep, when he put his hand on my shoulder (we were facing each other). If he'd been asleep it would have been a heavy slump movement, but it was very light, gentle, and clearly deliberate. I eventually put my hand on his waist and he moved his hand away immediately, but I stayed that way. In the morning I woke up and our foreheads were together.
    After that, nothing happened. We remained friends, and hung out virtually every week. There was this one creepo guy called Louie who wanted to get into Hugo's pants, so I was competition, but I ignored him.

    One time when Hugo's parents went away, he invited me to start off at his and go drinking in the city, and then I could crash at his. Louis eventually caught up with us so as predicted he came back too, and made things not as friendly/awkward. The next day after Louis left me and Hugo sat on the bottom bed and just hung out, and talked about stuff, and I asked why Kate and him had broken up (even though I knew). Hugo told me it was because he didn't want Kate going overseas and ****ing a bunch of guys. I had to laugh internally. He later told me that he had lost his virginity to Kate, and that there had been a pregnancy scare. I assume these are just lies to cover his tracks (Kate later kept quiet about further details when Celine asked her, suspicious behaviour indeed). None of my business I know, but still.

    Eventually I was driven insane, and during a heavy case of tonsillitis when I was paralysed by illness in bed, I wrote him a long message saying I didn't like Louis and that he was playing a game with me and he just wanted to get into his pants, and then I told Hugo that I had feelings for him.

    He replied a few days later saying he didn't think he was interested, but still enjoyed hanging out with me. So things soon went back to the way they were. I was fine with that.
    I then messaged Kate and told her "Omg! I went on a date with a guy and it's gone really good!" She was excited. Two minutes, I kid you not two tiny minutes later, Hugo messaged me saying "I heard you're seeing someone?" Okay, innocence friendly enquiry. Right? I said "Yeah it's early days so we'll see. How about you, anything going on in your love life?"
    He said: "Not really. Oh there's this girl called Alyssa from Hawaii, we Skype a lot, and she asked me to take my shirt off. Which I didn't. Other than that nothing really." I was a bit upset by this, clearly. Either it was a genuinely innocent comment to a "friend", or he'd said it to get back at me or to get a rise out of me for seeing a guy. Either way he knew I liked him so he shouldn't have said it.

    Then one day he caught a train down to Celine's house (she lives on her own in the country) to drink one night at hers. By the end of the night I was beyond drunk. We talked to him about this and that and I said "are you sure you're bi?".
    "Yeah, I'm..." he looked from side to side and then laughed quietly to himself, "Definitely bi."
    He told me he had never kissed a guy, and I said "how do you know you're bi then?" and he just shrugged.
    That night I had to share a bed with him again but I assumed it was all fine. I spooned him but it was just me as usual, although he let me stay there and even let me put my fingers in between his. I assumed he was "asleep" and didn't do any more because hugging him like that was enough of a creeper thing to do in my opinion.

    A few weeks later after numerous moments where he would just stare at me with this puppy dog joy, him and me were to hang out on a Friday night, but he said he didn't have any money, and his parents were away again so would I like to hang out at his and watch movies? Of course, I agreed. And it was a great night in, and I felt relaxed around him. We watched movies and talked a LOT, about him a lot, but by the end of the night he was obsessively talking about a book I'm writing. Just, endlessly, as if he couldn't get enough of it. Eventually I crashed on the couch in his room and nothing else special happened. But I felt a huge connection to him that night.

    Two days later he was to join me in the city for something. I was bringing a friend, and he was too. I found out at the door that his friend couldn't come, and honestly mine had bailed last minute too so it would only be him and me. He bailed, so instead of going in by myself I drove 45 minutes home (who wants to go to a VIP club by themselves?) I blurted out in a blunt message the next week that his ditching me had annoyed me, and I didn't think he was gay, that I was mad, etc. and that I had extremely large feelings for me. Stupid, I know. He didn't respond, and eventually after I asked him a few times what he thought of the message, he said "you were pretty mean. You assumed a lot". Which is fair, but still, so vague. He said "you can't just MAKE someone like you, you know!?" And so with that I realised, surely, that he truly didn't like me. So I sent him one last message saying "Hey it's best if I try to get over you so I don't think I can hang out with you". With that, he removed me off Facebook.
    A few days later, I had the sulkiest Christmas ever.
    New Years was approaching and knowing that he didn't have any friends really, I message him saying "Just in case you don't have any plans for new years, you are more than welcome to join us", and friend requested him. A day before New Years he added me back on FB. Then as I was driving to go to the New Years Eve part, at like 5pm, he messaged me saying "New Years, I'd love to". And so with that I got very drunk very quickly and by the time he came I was smashed. Apparently we talked a lot, but who knows what about because I legitimately don't remember 90% of the night.
    He sat next to me, and there were five of us. Celine and her bf, my work friend Alanna, and myself and Hugo. Alanna later told me that it was kind of like she was the only one not in a couple, even though me and Hugo weren't dating. He was always next to me, and we even shared a small meal at a Chinese restaurant. WE SHARED A MEAL, PEOPLE.

    So again, we were back to being friends. This is nearly over, I SWEAR. We're nearly up to real time.

    It was becoming increasingly obvious that he WAS in fact into me. But I had to pull a few stunts to figure it out. First I had mentioned during New Years that I had gone on a date with a guy called Cam. After that I didn't hear the end of it.
    Hugo: "Oh, how's it going with that guy... C... C..."
    Me: "Cam"
    Hugo: "Oh, how's it going with that Cliff guy?"
    Me: "Cam"
    Hugo: "Have you spoken to Chris... is it Chris?"
    Me: "CAM!!!"

    Then one Sunday night it became very obvious to EVERYONE (not just me) that he was interested, and most importantly, gay. Everybody said "Al, he's gay, there's no doubt". Despite him having a wallpaper of a "Call me 1300" looking big-busted blonde woman on his phone, he became my shadow again all night and sat next to me and talked to me. I showed a big of skin when revealing the sunburn on my chest, and even faked a called to Cam. He enquired again. Then at one club we all sat together, me and him in the corner of one, and by the end we had become increasingly close and almost... snuggly. He asked about Cam once more, and I said suddenly: "Yeah you know, he's cool but I don't think I'm really interested in him". And I also said: "How's that Alyssa girl from Hawaii?" and he said: "She's okay. We're just friends. There's nothing going on there." I wondered, why would he feel the need to tell me that? Interesting. At some point I was going to say something to him, to ask if I could ever kiss him, but I stopped myself. And he said: "What? No, tell me. It looked like you wanted to tell me something?" And it was very suggestive. So I wrote it down on my phone, but he refused to look. He said: "Is it going to embarrass me?" So I left it after that. But by the end of that night I was SURE there was some kind of interest there.

    Then that Tuesday me, Celine and Hugo went to a club. Cheap drinks night. Celine and Hugo got SLOSHED. I mean, splatter against the wall sloshed. I didn't as much. So I remember lots. Hugo was very very cool all of a sudden, as he'd mentioned when he gets drunk he becomes less inhibited. I told him it was awesome, because it was. When I went to get a drink, Celine asked him if there was ANY part of him that likes me. Hugo apparently said yes, or shrugged or nodded or something. Celine immediately pressed him incredibly that he should kiss me. By this time I came back. As I was talking to Hugo, Celine pinched my back - she could barely contain her excitement. And she told me later when he went to the bathroom: "He wants to kiss you, but he said he's afraid to! But I said 'just do it!'" Eventually a girl started hitting on him, so I started kissing the girl's best friend (also a girl) and when I looked over, Hugo was following suit kissing the other girl. I did this to show him that it was no big deal - gay guys can easily kiss girls, so who was he fooling?
    Later on me and him sat down on are own and I asked him if I could kiss him. He said: "Yeah, but later, not here because it's in public" and I said I completely understood. I wouldn't have in public anyway.
    Ten minutes later he planted one on me in line for drinks. It was intentional and full on and full of tongue, and one thing I remember most was that he put his hand on my head in a caring sort of way. A while later I asked for another, and he kissed me on the cheek and sort of hugged me in a loving way. Then later on we did a simple lips kiss, and it then grew into another french kiss. Then we spent the rest of the night enjoying ourselves and dancing and what-not. We went back to his and the more he sobered up the most he backed away. I mentioned the kiss in a sarcastic way and he said: "DON'T!... be weird."
    He avoided me the next few days and when I rang him on Friday he said he wasn't coming over that night any more. When I pressed him about the kiss, he said: "I have been thinking about it... And you know, I think I was just bi-curious. Like, it didn't feel like I thought it would feel. I... Well, I don't REGRET it, because everybody's got to start somewhere, but I was REALLY drunk..." and then I was like: "Are you still gonna hang out with us? You were pretty cool on Tuesday night coz you were so drunk." And he said sort of half-heartedly: "Yeah... I've made some new friends, so I mean, there's this guy who is showing me around, he helped me hook up with this girl in a club a week ago for the first time, he said he was my wing-man. But yeah I was really open Tuesday night because I was really drunk, and the last year has been really hard and I used to be like that all the time before then."

    So heart-broken I continued living.

    Then we did the same thing the Tuesday after and at first Hugo decided he didn't want to come, but we twisted his arm and he came. I was glad that things weren't awkward. But then towards the end of the night, I drunker than the previous week, I came back from the bathrooms to find Celine and Hugo sitting on a couch talking. They saw me and Celine said: "Hugo and I were just talking about sexuality."
    And I'm like: "Hmmm, that's nice."
    Celine: "Hugo's just explained to me his sexuality, and I get it."
    Me: "Cool. Well Hugo I like you no matter what your preference."
    Celine: "But I guess the clincher is, do you get erections from men, or women?"
    Hugo: "Women."
    Eventually Hugo went to get a drink, and Celine leant into me and said: "Dude, he's straight."
    Me: "WHAT!?"
    Celine: "No seriously dude, he is. I understand now. He said: See this glass? I'm THIS much straight..." She suggested nearly the entire glass, and then made a tiny bit for the top: "And this much bi."
    Me: "You don't believe that do you? Nobody straight would go to the effort to say that."
    Celine had (and to this day still had) completely swapped her opinion, to the point where she is almost homophobically annoyed whenever I mentioned my belief that Hugo is gay. "You've just got to let it go dude, he's STRAIGHT. Oh my God, he's STRAIGHT. He said the reason he broke up with Kate is because she was going to the UK and he didn't want her sleeping with all these guys. He said it had been a hard year for him because he was still in love with her but she said she wasn't interested back. And when you guys crashed on that spare bed at mine one time, he said you cuddling him made him uncomfortable but he didn't want to make it awkward the next day."
    With this last news, I nearly fainted in horror. I was MORTIFIED. Either this was true which was awful, or he was just saying it to make me out to be bad. By the end I tried to apologise for it. I said he should have told me and I would have moved off him. We ended up yelling at each other, and I walked out of the club on my own. Two minutes later, drunk but thinking straight, I called up my mother (at 4am) and came out to my parents. Hugo messaged me with "Come back inside" but I couldn't, it was past the let in time. I messaged him saying: "If you're still straight in 5 years, come back to me and I'll apologise." He never replied.
    I went home and felt like shit. After everything had happened, I was feeling like a crazy person. Had all of that been in my head? Was he truly straight? Was I cursed with the worst luck EVER? A straight guy using me to kiss me? Why would he kiss me, when he knew I was mad about him? Something about it just didn't, and does not add up.

    A few weeks passed and then I messaged him on FB saying: "I know things aren't great but my b'day party in the city is this Saturday. It would mean a lot to me if you came."
    The next day I had been removed from Facebook again. I messaged him a big long letter, apologising for apparently being too full on and accusing him of being gay. Which was the fair part. I asked him why he deleted me off Facebook. He said:
    He answered tonight (in different posts, thus the spacing- all of the below is him):

    "Happy birthday"
    "I just remembered"
    "When I was in a club"
    "I was being kind of"
    "down"
    "and I thought"
    "why"
    "and I thought part of it was because"
    "of when we were at the club"
    "and I was trying to just tell you I wasn't interested and stuff"
    "and we should just have a good time or whatever"
    "and I tried but"
    "it seemed like you wouldn't let it go"

    After that I said I was sorry and I knew he didn't like me and that his friendship was much more important and that I would never press him about it again, and that I'd like to be his friend again if he'd let me. He hasn't replied so far.

    So he removed me because two weeks after the fact, he was depressed in a club and was THINKING ABOUT ME? So to fix that problem, he REMOVED ME OFF FACEBOOK??? That's such a drastic action in my opinion.

    Now I don't have anyone to talk to about this because Celine is practically attacking me every time I bring it up, because "HE'S STRAIGHT! I ALWAYS BELIEVED HE WAS!", and my theories that he might like me but be deathly afraid of it are apparently worse accusations than saying that the Holocaust was fake.

    Alanna, my friend from work who joined us on new years, told me to give him time. I said: "Do you think he's gay?" and she said: "Hugo? Oh yeah, definitely. No straight guy kisses a gay guy like that."

    So...

    What do you guys think? Sorry it's about 6 pages long.
     
  2. Ianthe

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    It doesn't matter if he's gay. If he's gay, he's totally not ready to deal, and there is no guarantee that he will be. EVER.

    So for your purposes, he is straight, unless and until he decides otherwise and comes to grips with it.
     
  3. KTWK

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    It sounds like he legitimately is straight, and if he isn't, then he just doesn't like you back. It sounds like he wants to like you for your sake, but think of one of your friends that are the opposite of your type. You still like them as a friend, but you can't ever think of kissing them.

    Either way, I suggest you move on. How much or how little you press him will make no difference in him liking you, if he did or ever will. The best way to get over something like this is to find new love, and that is what I suggest you do.
     
  4. amac1985

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    OK. Thanks for your "help".
     
  5. KTWK

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    Are you unsatisfied with our feedback? All you asked for was what we thought, and that's what we told you. We could give you more help if you told us what you wanted help on.
     
  6. amac1985

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    Not at all. A bit authoritarian of an attitude though, and you're only 16 so you'll excuse me if I don't follow your advice like a love guru. Was just hoping for a few more people's insights.
     
  7. amac1985

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    Me and Hugo have had the WORST fights over the past week.
    He gave me an ultimatum. "Stop liking me so we can just be friends. Easy!"
    I said: "No, sorry, so if that's your ultimatum, I think that's it then, so seeya."
    And he wrote back: "Okayseeya"
    followed twenty minutes later with: "Sorry you feel that way, best of luck to you in the future, hope all goes well with your work."

    The next day he pokes me on Facebook. I enquire. He goes: "I did that last night by accident."
    :bang:
    Then at 1am in the morning he sends me a message: "Fuck you."
    He apologises very half-assed the next day and I tell him: "Look you obviously have an issue with me so if you don't like me back then leave me alone."
    And he replies: "Yeah likewise."

    After that we went into an all out argument of Facebook about what I'm doing wrong, what he wants. He says he just wants to hang out without any dramas, just 100% free, no me liking him, and how it's MY problem and not his. He says he doesn't fight with friends so this is pissing him off. And I go on about what I want, what he's said to me, how he's accused me, etc. and after I finally retaliate very strongly he goes: "Alright alright it's awful going away from FB during an argument. So I'm sorry. And I hope you have a good time." (on holidays)

    But as per the general opinion on here, I messaged him yesterday saying I don't want to stop liking him, so unless he ever liked me back, we can't be friends. And that's it. I'm as happy as I can be in this situation with me FINALLY putting my foot down. It hurts, but still...

    Thoughts?

    ---------- Post added 16th Feb 2013 at 09:41 PM ----------

    By the way, we had phone arguments as well and they were long and heated. I don't argue like that with anyone except for my best friend and my parents. Because they're THAT close to me. He seemed very taken aback and distant when I originally suggested that maybe it WAS best if we not be friends. So after all this arguing, I wonder if maybe I DO mean more to him than he lets on. Or else, if he were straight, he'd just drop me like that. Right? I mean who argues that much unless the other person is important to them?