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Identity crisis ...sort of?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gmork12, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. Gmork12

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    Okay, erm...I'm a 23 year old female. I'm having a bit of an identity crisis that I want some help with. possibly. I guess I've always sort of taken it for granted that I was bisexual since I was about 12-ish. I was a bit of a tomboy...I always have noticed girls first, and my first real crush was on my childhood bestfriend. For the longest fucking time. She turned out to be this huge homophobe and child-me was utterly crushed. But it was always "normal" to like boys so I'm sure I remember having puppy crushes on boys too. I just can't recall any significant ones atm.

    My first real sexual experience was with a few girls in my class, but my first real girlfriend was at 16-17, and it really fucked me up in the head(she cheated a lot, I pretended not to notice a lot) soo since then I've dated a few girls ad fucked a few others but nothing serious. In my country it's really hard to be out and about with that sort of shit and the dating pool is really really REALLY limited and I'm picky as fuck and really shallow. So i don't date girls that have dated my friends...or my ex-es. So i've serial dated a lot more guys than girls....but what really haunts me and keeps me up at night is the fact that I can't form any real attachments to men, and I find heterosexual sex completely mind-numbingly boring. The only time i remember remotely enjoying it at all for a few seconds I was high off of my ass on weed. But i end up dating guys all of the time, even if I initially don't want to..I end up convincing myself that I just haven't met the right guys yet or something and if I just hold out longer mayyybe...just maaaaybe it'll work out. And two months into it the hype wears off I'm bored as I started out with and wishing he was a girl instead. Which is fucked. So I don't know if I'm actually just really a lesbian and I've beeen suppressing it cause my family is really tight-knit and homophobic and I'm trying really hard to be straight(it's been an uphill battle on that one to be honest :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) or I'm too chicken shit to just admit it...because honestly I don't want to be full on gay. I don't think I have the balls for it or thick enough skin. Or maybe I'm just not gay. I don't know. Gimme some feedback you guys, similar experiences? Words of wisdom, anything at all? :confused:
     
  2. OMGWTFBBQ

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    Yeah. lt's hard to tell when you're bi sometimes. l wonder if l am actually bi and just haven't found the one guy who could turn me on yet.

    But that says something, doesnt it? lf there is one (possible) lone, wondering man out there who could (maybe) do the job someday...it's clearly not my preference lol.

    So l assume it won't happen and if it does l'll just count myself blindsighted.

    And l left this post open for an hour and now don't remember what l was talking about and am pressing enter and wishing you the best, sorry lol.
     
  3. Gmork12

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    Thing is I know it's probably not my preference.It's just so hard to get out there and do something about it. I become a total fuckwit when I try to talk to girls I actually like. I keep having crushes on straight girls too.
     
  4. localfwbguy

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    Hey, I feel you on your "crisis" thing because I too am dealing with a "crisis" thing too. I am also 23 but I'm male. I've never had romantic feelings for a guy and yet I've had emotional bonds with other men it is either like a brotherly love, or like a father figure respect. I am very romantically into girls and I love experiencing an emotional attraction with a woman. I have an awesome gf of 2 years whom I love. So anyways.. I also have a sexual/ fetish or attraction to older men. It is only for men 50+ which does not make my situation feel any better. I have no clue how or why i ended up with this particular attraction. It is mostly a fantasy but it is very distressing. While I have enjoed heterosexual sex many times I have a great fear of being impotent with a girl I love and basically be fanned to a life alone because I Damn sure do not want to date 50 something year old men. I have acted on the fantasy...it wasn't pleasant. Im seeing a shrink now, trying to better deal with myself and just be ok. My gf has been awesome in all of this. For people that fall in the middle, this shit is way more confusing. Neither gay or straight just "stuck in the middle with you". Didn't mean to get all into my own shit, just wanted to say I get the crisis/WTF am I situation your dealing with. Good luck,.take care.
     
  5. Gmork12

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    Thanks for the support either way bro. I think the silverfox fetish thing isn't that uncommon really, but it's really cool of your girlfriend to be supportive of it. In your case I'm sure you'll be able to work it out in the end. Sounds kind of trite but, hang in there!
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to my world... I went through a major identity crisis not too long ago. It lasted a good couple of years though, since around age 16...

    At first I thought I was bisexual. Then more recently, thought I was completely gay (lesbian), only to realize I'm still attracted to guys and so I went back to identifying as bisexual. Then after I got a girlfriend (which was after a split-up with a guy), I realized a week into the relationship that I'm really not all that attracted to her. Shortly following that break-up I had sex with one of my male friends and enjoyed it immensely, which made me realize my attraction to women are more like an admiration, and more like a close emotional bond than actual attraction. So I now simply identify as a tomboy. I've always been one, since I can remember. I distinctly remember once telling our neighbour's kids, "I like wearing boy clothes and I'm going to cut my hair short" This must've been around the age of 12/13. I was always the one playing with bugs, worms and frogs, always the one who wanted to climb trees, get dirty and go wild. My sister was (and still is) the girly one. She doesn't quite "get" me.

    Well, I still find myself sometimes drawn to women, but like I said, it's more an admiration than actual attraction. So I identify as straight, but tomboyish.

    Having gone through all those crazy phases, some days I still feel a bit confused about my sexuality. But I know now that it's only phases, and will soon pass...

    Good luck with figuring out who you truly are. It can be emotionally draining