Stressing big time about college

Hey there, and welcome to EC.

First thing I'm gonna suggest is that you slow down and take a breath. Good? Good.

University has certainly been a ride for me. I've grown a lot as a person - when I first left home, I wasn't even sure if I was gay or not, and I STILL had nearly all of the same questions you had. Now, nearly two years later, I figured out that I am in fact gay, and am basically out to everyone.

Coming out is a process. It's not something that you have to do in a day, a week, a month... or any time, really. It's something you do at your own speed, at your own comfort level. There's no need to rush it.

College/uni is generally a much more accepting environment than in high school. The people there are older, more educated, and that usually means they're more open-minded too. At the very least, in most schools people are so wrapped up with their own social circle and academic lives they really won't care about what you're doing. And if they're close to you, they probably won't care if you're gay anyways, right?

As for your roommate, I'd try to not stress about it too much. I had the same worries you did, so I posted them here... and that's basically the advice I received. This roommate is still a stranger to you. First impressions go a long way - if you lead with you're gay, you might make it out to be something more significant than it needs to be (again, that's all up to your personal comfort level though and what you want). Just be yourself, and bring the subject up whenever it's appropriate. For example, at my school, everyone had to fill out "roommate agreements" shortly after move-in - basically a set of guidelines that both roommates came up with that they agreed to follow.

And, if you go with the flow and it turns out your roommate is extremely homophobic or something, you can probably get in contact with the housing services for your school and they can make arrangements.

Have you considered looking at your school to see if they have an LGBT center/group that you could get in contact with? It might be reassuring for you to know there are resources where you're going. Additionally, they can probably give you more school-specific advice for some of the concerns you have. And of course, if your LGBT group has a sort of social space, that's probably a good place to meet other gay guys.

All that said, PM me if you'd like to talk about anything else - i.e. I'd recount my whole university life story here, but it'd be boring for most people. Otherwise, keep posting and I'm sure you'll get more help.

 

Relax. (*hug*)

There isnt any amount of worrying that will change the possible circumstances that you might experience in August. You may have the perfect roommate and make tons of friends immediately, or you could be set of with a homophobe and begin with a rough start. I'm not going to say it will go perfectly, and you shouldnt be worried about it not doing so.

The important part is that you know that even if you get set up with an asshole, you are still awesome and that is his problem. Apply to get a new roommate and move with your college career. The important part is that you remember that there are many stunning, single gay men and even if something doesnt happen for in the begining it doesnt mean that there isnt and wont be plenty of guys that would love to be with.

And I'm not even being optimistic. If I were in that situations, I wouldnt be confident in the hopes that everything will go smoothly. I would be confident in the fact that even if everything doesnt go well, I know I wouldnt allow a string of bad luck to hang a cloud over my college life.

 

I should note: despite all my worrying, I never ended up coming out to my roommate. For the relationship we had - which was hardly seeing each other - it wasn't important information. We got along fine, and still see each other occasionally around campus... but it just isn't something he needs to know about.

Now, if I was bringing guys home on a regular basis... then I'd have to tell him. :lol:

 

congratulations on getting in college!

I supposed you're finishing your senior year right now haha.

Right now, I would worry more about keeping up grades, and preparing the transition. When you first start college, you probably want to worry more about figuring out what works for you and how to balance study and free time and maybe even dating time haha, and then you have things like, looking for internship, building resume, etc.

 

I'm in my second year of college right now. So here's what I can say -

I don't live on campus, but my opinion is that if you go to the right place (so, not a private, conservative campus, or any conservative campus for that matter) people will be open. College kids aren't as worried about that stuff.

Also, you're going to be really busy with schoolwork and just staying with it.

Please, take my advice - for your first semester, take it easy. Don't go overboard. Don't take like, super hard science classes or something. Get accustomed to college life. I took too many hard courses my first semester and it was a train wreck.

 

Concerning your roommate, I would avoid coming out to him at first. Play it cool for at least a couple months, and then think about telling him. If you tell him right away, he's more likely to freak out and make premature judgements about you. If you first prove to him that he doesn't have anything to be afraid of, then he's more likely to take it well. I just came out to my roommate without any issues, and I credit the fact that I waited until my second semester with him. He specifically told me he was OK with it because he's know me for a while already and knows I'm not going to try to hit on him or anything.

And I would also agree with everyone who said take it easy your first semester. There's no reason to overwhelm yourself with too much work or too many activities. Just take it as it comes. You'll enjoy yourself a lot more and the transition will be a lot easier.

 

Like others have said I would just avoid coming out right away. No reason to do that seeing as it could make your room mate super uncomfortable and what not. Just be you and you guys may end up becoming good friends and you could possibly let him know or you guys may not even barely speak like Budder said and you def wouldn't need to worry about telling him.

 

I was going to post a more in-depth input, but I wouldn't be able to say it better than Budder. But my quick story: I'm a freshman and on my third roommate. (Please don't judge.. as an athlete it is hard to live with just anyone.) My roommate now is on the team with me an we're really close. I came out to her because we feel comfortable around each other. I didn't come out to either of my other roommates. They didn't ask, and I didn't tell. Anyway, don't stress too much. I would honestly play it by ear. If you do end up coming out, I would not make a big deal of it - that way they can see you for you, as a person, and not just as being LGBT.

 

oh and also, most freshmen in college needs a bit of time for maturity... even the wiser and smarter still need some maturity to kick in (like me)

so being out too fast should not be your first priority anyways haha.
unless like, your roommate says he's gay or something... idk lol.
and plus, there's other things your roommate can do that can annoy you.
things like sleep habit, pet peeves, home habits etc. that transfers to uni.

 

Okay, first, breathe. Relax. I'm in my second semester of my freshman year, and I remember having those exact same fears. And actually, I was afraid I would be the only gay guy on campus... :rolle: You don't have to come out to anyone right away. Your roommate least of all. Talk about it if it comes up. Like, if he asks about any girlfriends, respond with boyfriend instead. I've found being casual about it can help a lot. It makes coming out a natural thing instead of this big, dramatic event.

Don't worry if you'll find a guy on campus. You're still young. Best advice for dating: Take. It. Slow. Don't rush into things just looking for love. It's hard to find it that way. Become friends with other gay guys first, and let those relationships take their own courses. I know you're worried and stressed about what college will give you, but if you got in, you will do fantastic there. The people in college are open-minded, so try not to stress about making friends. And if you need it, build a support group there. It's helped me a lot the past semester. And if you feel comfortable enough, talk to your friends back home. But only if you feel comfortable enough.

 

I gotta agree with everybody else, I think you should just play it by ear. I'm a huge worrier as well, so I know these words may not help much. We would probably worry if we didn't have anything to worry about!

But anyway, I think if LGBT related topics come up in your conversations you could mention you're gay. I've had previous roommates, I live with roommates now and I haven't told them I'm gay, not because I'm trying to hide it but just because I don't really feel like it's any of their business, unless they specifically asked me I don't feel the need to say anything because we aren't that close.