Having been with just one person for so long, I think I took it for granted that a partner or potential partner would always be honest and genuine with me even at times when things aren't going so well. Good communication lets everyone know where they stand, when they're in the wrong and is key to any relationship, whether it's friendship or more than that. But my own experience recently and reading the posts on here is that so many people act oddly or become distant sometimes randomly with no explanation or something that's clearly a lie. There are so many posts about people getting confused about how others feel etc. This has really made the future seem quite daunting to me. Is there anyone out there who's capable of communicating properly and being honest? Or does everyone just play others to their own advantage? I think thisis even harder now we're older and everyone the same age has some baggage, temptations from ex'es etc. Or maybe I'm just too cynical.
A friend of mine said this to me not long ago when I asked her if I was just a stepping stone for people to move onto better things in their lives: "You are the fairytale ending for people who are able to let go of realities and be comfortable and honest with themselves. Most people cannot. I certainly couldn't. Everything you talk about, everything you promise, it's impossible with realities. Thats why you aren't a stepping stone. You are something and somewhere that most people realize that they can never be but dream of getting to." My girlfriend had broken up with me because she realized she wasn't ready for a relationship. That she had some things she needed to work on and figure out on her own. And this isn't the first time this has happened to me. I'm very happy with my life, even though there are a lot of negative things going on in it often. I'm a giving person, especially to my partner. I'm honest, and I'll be the first person to admit that I make mistakes. So, in answer to your questions: there are a lot of people in the world who are selfish and care only for themselves. But (in my opinion) they are that way because they are insecure. Once a person loves and accepts themselves, then it is no trouble to love and accept others. Does that make sense?
I like to think that I put other people's needs/wants before my own, so I've sacrificed a lot over the past several years. During those several years, I've always been honest to those about my feelings. If I haven't been honest with someone it's because I was lying to myself. And one of the hardest things I've noticed is being honest with yourself, because it's pretty scary I'll admit. I can also admit to being selfish at times only because I didn't want to deal with a lot of things that were occurring in my life. But I've never taken advantage of anyone, if I have then they have never told me. One thing I can say is that I've never been the type of person to try to bring someone down with me because I'm unhappy. I used to harvest a ton of anger, but not anymore. I think everything will eventually fall into place once you accept things that you cannot change.
I have found the bold to be very true. Finding your center gives you the freedom to accept others where they are. You can build strong honest relationship because you are confident and comfortable with your own skin.
I agree with this. But also, loving and accepting yourself does not mean that others will necessarily respect you also. Same as respecting others does not mean this will be returned. I guess I am being pessimistic right now. Maybe I need to learn to deal with these disappointments better, if/when they happen.
There seems to be this unspoken belief the people are, or are supposed to be, concrete, never-changing, always-self-aware entities. But we're not. We're dynamic and ever-changing. Sometimes we don't realize we're changing. Sometimes we don't know what we're changing into. Sometimes we're not even sure where we are. And when these changes take place, it's not that easy to alert your partner. You're wrapped up in your own stuff. And even if you do alert your partner, it's hard to elaborate what's going on, and where you'll end up, and how long it'll take. Lex
I was thinking more in terms of basic honesty. Such as letting someone know if you're not interested, or change your mind, rather than stringing them along and being really distant but blaming the other person. lol
Even something as basic as "am I interested" can be tough to answer, let alone quantify. Yeah, sometimes there's a lot of interest right away, and they let you know it. Other times, there's zero, and they make it clear. But what about everything in between? I'll use a platonic example. I met this guy Karl, as a friend of friends. My first time spending some time with him, I thought he was kind of odd, kind of funny, a bit annoying. The second time, we seemed to click better. Our conversations were quite a bit smoother, he seemed kinder, with just a bit of oddness. The third time, he seemed forcefully strange, and almost painfully UNfunny. After the first time with Karl, you might say there was a slight interest in friendship. I don't know if I would've tacked him down to hang out with me, but if I saw him at a party, I'd definitely go chat with him. After the second time, I might have actually invited him to hang out or something. But after the third time, and from then on, I didn't really want to talk to him even if he was at the same party as me. Should I have kept Karl in touch with how I was feeling after each step? Was I "stringing him along" by wanting to hang out with him at one point, but not afterwards? Lex
I see what you mean. Maybe I'm a lot simpler than most people. As soon as I realised there were problems in my last relationship, I told my bf. Both of us hate uncertainty and wanted to get things sorted one way or the other. Of course we are both free to change our minds at any point but we like to know where we stand. If I'm not sure, I'd just say that. Not in the timescale you speak of, but over, say, a few months or more.
They may not respect you but you accept yourself enough to let all of that roll away. Self acceptance does not make you a doormat either. It makes you a strong healthy human whatever the gender or orientation. You may be pessimistic but unless you show that you can never push it away and move beyond that block. Hugs honey.
My fiance told me "Most people are in your life for three reasons eiter a purpose, a season or a lifetime" and that makes sense to me. It all really depends on which one you need at that time. Lots of people don't like the whole lifetime thing anymore because I don't either just five year stretch here or ten years there thais it. A purpose could be to help you out in an emotional problem or a season for a shared parasie relationship or lifetime (rare) and not miserible is withsomeone you really "Love". So, all of the above is my approach with all relationships anymroe. I had a friend who I knew for eight years just throw me out cause of one mistake and then again I lost another cause of thier darn greed that they wouldn't lend me a tenth of what they had for burying my sister. So, you can never tell just take care of yourself and worry about others later.
