Gay Scared Welder.

Hard to say, but I'll try some suggestions.

There's nothing wrong with living closeted if that's what you gotta do to survive. But in situations like yours, it's tough to pay both sides of the street. When you come out to a few people, word gets out. In small communities, any gossip is juicy gossip, and it don't cone juicier than this. And ideally, the thing to do is to own it. No, not everyone will get it, but you're more likely to get more people accepting it if you stand your ground firmly. Hiding it suggests it's something worth hiding. Being up front about it suggests it's not something o be ashamed of.

I don't know much about Canada, welding, or your specific community. Maybe your situation is salvageable, maybe it isn't. But I would suggest two things. First, own your sexuality. There's rally no use in hiding it at this stage of the game. You don't have to introduce yourself to people as "the gay welder" but if it comes up, don't play coy with it. Secondly, tell your boyfriend. He deserves to know the situation, and what he might be getting into. It might be that having him there will ease the homophobia - they'll know you as "that couple" rather than as the gay guy who might be checking them out. Or it might get worse, due to the age difference. Tough to say. But I think your partner needs to know.

Lex

 

You ought to feel damn accomplished as a 26 year old, buying a house and starting a business. Good for you!

How being gay impacts your work. - that's tough. I can only say I hope the quality of your work and work ethic speaks for itself. Do you give out a resume or list of jobs you've done the last couple years up there? That might help.

And while it's a small community, go back to where you've done work in the past. It's all about networking

About your fiancé (and congrats there as well), for you two to have a lifelong partnership, there can't be secrets between the two of you. Youre going to have to share your worries and concerns with him, the sooner the better.

Sounds like you have a plan to stay up north just a few years. I would think as a gay man and with your fiancé as a gay couple life, not having other gay guys as friends could be lonely at times

Tough spot. Welcome to EC and keep posting

 

Start looking for another welding job, I know here in Alberta there is a HUGE demand for welders, maybe consider moving a province over? And yes, you must tell your partner, he has a right to know and he might be able to help. Pick yourself back up (maybe with the help of your partner) and get a weldin.

 

And this time keep whatever happens in your bedroom in your bedroom,...If you play it smart you can very easily dodge personal questions, after all it is non of their business anyways.(!)

 

This is a hard problem to solve. Before I became a housewife I started my life as a mechanic at a Buick dealership. Mechanics also tend to be a rough crowd like you are dealing with. Quite by accident I made the right friend. Then I realized the guys looked up to him and once he gave the green light I was accepted. Now I still got smacked on the ass, and asked for BJs all the time, but it was friendly, no longer mean. I used to roll with it rather than let it bother me. Maby if you find the right friend, you will be more accepted. If not it will just take time to work out if it will. You may just have to move and hope your reputation does not follow. I also feel you should tell your partner right away. He can at least help you emotionally through this and may have the right advise you need. Good luck! June

 

Perhaps you could use your welding skills to start a new business building high quality custom made dungeon furniture, sling supports, and fixtures etc. for the fetish scene.

 

welderboy, is making it through this, doing what June Cleaver posted a possibility? Joke about it... and laugh it off -- then buy a round of beer for the guys after work?

 

I say try your hand at the old job again and own it as Lex said. While your inthere try to do the thing June did as a mechanic. Maybe show your boss that your cool and it will flow to the little ants of society called your coworkers. It is unsafe to give so much of your personal life out to those who may not understand. I just started a new job and once I found a guy and girl to confide in then I was. Good to go. But the guy was gay and the girl was already cool with the gay guy so it was a sealed deal from there. I'm just making a sugguestion should u try your hand at another area or trade. If things seem to work outt at work then great, but if you don't see a change keep working with the goal to get out and go somewhere else. But keep that goal to yourself. ;-)

Congrats on all the fantastic things you have done by the way.

 

don't wear pink to the next job :icon_bigg

all the best...

 

Well, first of all: good to see you told your partner! It might not solve the underlying problem, but that's one less thing to fret about.

Like Lexington, I'm not from Canada, and not a worker. Though I do work with workers a lot (being an engineer in a chemical plant). One of them is even gay (straight acting and never brings it up, but everyone knows). My first reaction, like Lex's would be "if shit hits the fan, own your shit!"

By which I mean: they might talk tough when you're "that gay guy from out of town, doing some welding over there", but they might be more agreeable if they have to talk to you face-to-face.

What you (IMO) need to do here is not withdraw, but get out more.
If you have a free moment (and regulations allow it), hop by in the worker rec room. Try to join into a discussion.
If they joke about you being gay, own it and laugh it away. If they say "ooh, it's the gay welder! cover your asses, guys!", you reply with "don't get too excited. Looking around here, I was just thinking of converting back to being straight!" (in a jocular tone, obviously). The point is showing that you can take it and still dish it out.
Be honest, but refuse to make it a big deal in any way.

That generally goes for small communities, by the way. Even if you''re feeling like staying at home, you might be better served by finding out the most popular bar in town and spending one or two nights a week hanging out there. It's going to be a boring few nights at first, but once people see you around a lot, they might open up.

The foreman... is kind of weak for giving in to his workers so quickly. Then again, being a foreman is a careful balancing act. However: he might not be willing to make a stand, but he is, or so it sounds, fundamentally well-meaning.
Maybe you need to throw your cards on the table here, if you lose the job. Have a talk with the guy. Mention that you know and respect his tenuous position in this. But that, if he can in any way recommend you to a superior or anyone else in his professional circle, you would be very much obliged.


I know this is probably very much what you're not wanting to do here. If people give you shit, the last you want to do is offer the other cheek and an outstretched hand and try to become friends. But it is, in my limited experience, the best way to get on people's right sides. You can cry all the way to the bank later


Last, but very much not least: I do applaud you for starting your own business and moving to make it work. That takes serious balls and I am kind of in awe.

 

Hi there, and welcome to EC.

This really sucks. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. We sometimes forget, living in a major metropolitan area, that attitudes like those you're experiencing still exist in more remote places.

Not much to add to what has already been said. In talking to the forman, I'd ask in a fairly non-threatening way if your orientation is causing any tension on the worksite - and ask him if he thinks there's anything you could be doing differently to put people at ease. You shouldn't need to - but it wouldn't hurt to ask. That at least starts the conversation.

Ideally this could be a learning / teaching opportunity for these people. There's nothing for them to feel uncomfortable about, yet they do. But the more it's talked about, the more common place and 'normal' this might become for them.

I've never worked with welders... and I didn't come out until I was in a fairly senior position, which meant my peers were well educated and the less educated were my employees - so even if they'd wanted to give me a hard time about it they didn't. But again - living in Toronto helps.

 

Hi,

You made the "big city" mistake in a small community.

How does that old saying go " Fools rush in where angels dare not tread".

I am not saying you are a fool, simply expecting big city mentality in the trundle brush is naive.

Small communities are tight knit. Gossip moves faster than a tissue in a tornado.

Small communities tend to be conservative too. When resources are limited you have to be conservative to simply get by and this translates to social morays as well.

You have transgressed small community rules. Not saying these rules are good or correct, simply you transgressed small community culture. Here on in you are in their limelight and your partner arriving and your marriage will only hit their high beams. The age difference... Gosh the implications to small community culture will make your head reel.

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with small town culture. You were simply naive to it.

Unsure how you leave the limelight but assume everybody knows, nobody understands and they will be cautious.

Stuck

 

Definitely give it another try. Feel free to tell the foreman about your partner. "You know, I DO have a partner, and he'll be moving up here soon." People might feel "safer" around you knowing that you're "off the market", if that makes any sense. And feel free to let everybody onsite know. "I may be gay, but I'm also a damn good welder. And I'm here to weld, damnit."

Lex

 

I've been looking into trades and other careers in close knit communities, and things like what is happening to you is what holds me back. I give you major kudos for actually sticking with it and following through with what you want to do. Even if you're getting some shit about it, I'm sure you can pull through and it will end up working out. Its pretty cool to know there's some guys out there in these kinds of jobs, one is better than none man lol.

The only thing I really can do is just reiterate what quite a few people have already said and at this point just own it. If the foreman wants to give you another chance, that at least means something that he does acknowledge that your a good worker and worth keeping around. Good luck with everything!

 

First off, huge congrats at doing so well at such a young age.

I'd have thought that your foreman would have the balls to stick up for his workforce equally, regardless of what they do outside of work.
When work colleagues try to prize info from people who don't say much about their personal life, I think that's completely wrong. Also, it would be difficult to simply say "hey, it's none of your business", if you want a good working friendly environment.

I'm not sure what to suggest, but at the very least you have someone there to support and to help you through it; that means a lot.

Take care