Trying to work up courage....

This might be the hardest post that I've seen on EC in my short stay here! There are literally almost like fifty questions tht I could ask you on this like history, religious or ethical foundations, education, and personality types of your parents that this is hard to answer for my mind to answer with any level of accuracy. I would personally conider tackling it like any other major life decision that you have approached with your parents or other family members in the past and down play the whole morality of it all. Then again, I'm like you not religious nor ever want to be a catholic anymore tat is just my view Rainbow.

Seeing how my biological mother died of T-Cell Lympomia at the age of nineteen years old and my dad unable to communicate cause o a stroke that my perseption is different than most on here. My family is not like yours at all like not as a religious as much at all. My sister isn't alive cause of dying of an overdose like three months ago and my brother hears voice you see? So, I'm not goingto be a mirror example of the advice you perhps need to get on sensitive matters in morality butt don't josh them or push it off just get it over with.

Finally, I believe that if somebody loves you that tey will accept you for being gay. My extended family did even though they are from Texas. Amazingly my hardest time of coming out has been with my current fiance and friends not my family at all. I'm in sort of unofficial slow transition from bisexual to gay right now, so its different there too. It won't be that bad putting it in terms that they can understand not belittling them just in ways they can accept. I wouldn't force your views of gay lifestyle till it has taken time to absorb in their minds cause it usually nver works out that way. Another thing it makes it easier whether they had an idea whether you were gay or not because in my case my sister knew that I was gay even before her death. I wish you all the luck and if I canhelp post on here or on my wall.


good luck,
Yoga

 

Hmmm that's a tough one. If you know your sister will be supportive, I think you should go to her first. Talk to her about how you're planning on coming out to your parents. Maybe she'll have a different opinion on how they might react, one that isn't influenced by fear of rejection. And if she does have the same concerns as you, at least you'll have someone on your side when you talk to your parents. I've never been in your position, my parents aren't very religious, but I imagine having someone to turn to if things go bad would be more helpful than not.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck (*hug*)

 

Take a deep breath.

You're 33... and as much as you'd like their approval and acceptance, consider that you telling them isn't about asking for their approval -- its more about you being honest with them so they can know you better and there aren't secrets between you all.

Give yourself this birthday present... to not have this secret between you and your family. Can't say what their reaction will be, but for you, in your heart, soul, mind, you'll know you've opened up and no longer have to carry the burden.

Peace

 

I'd consider coming out to your sister first, if you're confident she'll be supportive. It seems to make more sense to do it that way... to have someone there with you when you talk to your parents.

And if you can't manage to do it today, then don't worry about it. Take things at your own pace. Good luck! (*hug*)

 

Hi rainbowman

There seems some sense in breaking it to your sister first.. For a number of reasons ... but I do not know the details of your family relationship of course!!!!

But the timing needs management and one step at a time.. Do you have others around you as support network - other than therapist- should it not go smoothly?

You are brave and I am sure you'll do the right thing .. And very best of luck.
I did not tell my parents before they died and it haunts me. So I am envious of you...

 

I agree with Pete. It sounds like you want their acceptance. You are an adult man, do not do it for their acceptance, do it for yourself. It sounds strange right now, but you will find that even if they reject you, it's better to know what you did than to keep facing them with this baggage.

When homosexuality hits this close to home, you'll find most people become a lot more receptive to it. It may take them a few days, or sometimes years, but rarely do parents reject their children until they die.

 

It does sound like an acceptance issue with me too! It really wasn't that bad and in some cases even ultra religious people in my family said "We have another family member who is gay too!" YOu never know or they start making up exeptional rules for you like your not like most gays or whatever. Sometimes they could debate for you a while, and might not be immediately receptive towards it but later they will be.

 

I would suggest talking to your sister first being that you are positive she would support you. I think the older generations don't understand homosexuality because of their ignorance and closed mindedness to many new things. Especially the.more religous people in that generation. Your sister may be able to go to help you figure out a way to tackle this being that she knows you and your parents better than us here on EC.

Btw I couldn't be more empathetic on this topic being that both my parents are ministers even my step dad. But I am scared to come out to them. I have sisters I could bank on and that I'm sure would help me out. But I'm terrified of the arguement that would ensue from my parents. Ill keep u in my prayers as you figure it all out and I hope and pray that I muster up the courage u have to do the same one

 

I replied to your other post as well, but reading this one made me want to respond again. We're in such similar positions, and I completely understand where you're coming from.

I just went to dinner with one of the two friends I came out to this weekend (I needed a "debriefing" session) and we talked about this a bit. My parents are separated, and my father tends to be more liberal-minded and accepting catholic, so I'm not as worried about him. My mother is a different story. Strictly religious, and definitely not down with the "gay" thing. We've had conversations about gay marriage (back when I was still deeply in the closet), and her mind was pretty made up. But that's what you get growing up in a place that has isolated itself from that community. When you're only exposed to gays via coverage of the pride parades on the evening news, how can you be expected to think that they're about anything besides pink boas, leather, and promiscuous sex/STDs?

My friend reminded me that my mother loves her children more than anything, and although she may take issue with my "choice" at first, it's situations like this that change people's perspectives. Your parents may not be fully accepting of your situation tomorrow - but don't take that as the end-all-be-all. Their love for you--and the example you set in someday being in a loving, committed relationship--may be the thing that opens their eyes & changes their opinion. At least that's what I'm hoping for.