So, I will probably do a more in depth thread about my actual feelings for this girl at a later point. However, I don't have the time at the moment but I want to get this out. I'll go into detail later, but she's my best friend and I can tell her anything. I love her so much, and I'm so glad I have her. However, sometimes I wonder if we could be something more. It's not exactly a rare dilemma, so I'm sure you all know of the feelings. It's never awkward between us, she's absolutely beautiful (not friend goggles, she's genuinely really hot and loads of guys I know fancy her), she's funny, she gets me, we have so much in common etc etc etc. But she just... She effectively treats me as a gay best friend, I suppose. Today she kept asking me if she could paint my nails, do my makeup, pluck my eyebrows etc. I pretended to just be fake angry in a jokey way and refused, but inside it KILLED me. Obviously there's no way she could ever see me in that way if she asks stuff like this. And like, she really likes this other guy, who isn't just a crush but a really good friend of hers. He's also a really good friend of mine, so I try not to feel jealous, because he's a great guy. But seriously, what does she see in him that she doesn't see in me? It's not like she can play the "oh we're too close for me to imagine you in that way" card with me because she's really close with him too! It's just lead to me doubting my appearance, my demeanour, my confidence, the way other people see me etc. I've had quite a hit to my self esteem, and I keep thinking maybe I'm just one of those guys who girls love to have as friends but would never dream of dating. I'm not being irrational, whenever my female friends tell me about other guys, the hot ones are really different to me, and the ones they dislike often have similar traits to me :/ I have kissed girls at parties (and had sex with one before) but I've never had a proper relationship, again leading me to think I'm just no good and I don't know how to gain self confidence (that would also lead to girls liking me in a non friend way). Now, my best friend, I wouldn't say I'm in love with her. I get jealous when she talks about other guys, and I can certainly imagine being with her. But she's like my sister and the idea of losing her would just be horrible for me. I don't even wanna think about that. Also, she's very jealous and kind of controlling with boyfriends and I wouldn't want that. I don't know, I just always seem to get myself into complex situations. And it's not like I know all girls in my year think of me as the type of guy just to be a friend with, it's just something I suspect. It doesn't help that half of them seem to think I'm gay or think I'm bi but don't understand bisexuality or wouldn't date a bi guy. The thing is I think I'm straight now, so the fact that boys seem to take an interest in me doesn't help, especially because I don't like letting people down.
This may not be the best advice but, what if you talked to her about it, but instead of saying its her you have feelings for use another girls name. If you sense that she may have feelings back after that talk, then tell her it was her all along. I guess it would open up a dialogue about this specific topic. You could ask her "What would you do if a friend developed feelings for you in a romantic way? maybe twist it a little and say you are asking because you want to get a girls opinion because your nervous about talking to the girl you say you liked. I could be a complete idiot and giving you a bad idea, Its just a way that you can at least open dialogue about it. :/ Hope everything works out for you Keep us posted.
I think you should be more assertive with your friend/crush. If she jokes around with you the way she did tell her straight up that you're not interested in doing her nails or whatever else she mentions. If she talks about guys then maybe talk about girls so she can remember that you like women too. You could tell her you have feelings for her. Based on what you said I'm not sure if she would reciprocate but it might help you move on. I once saw this really interesting video about the friendzone. I don't know if it works but I thought it was a pretty good idea. They said the only way to get out of the friendzone is distance. Basically if you''re always there for her, try to make yourself unavailable every now and then. And finally let everyone know that right now you're interested in dating women . Make sure they all get that through their heads so they can see you as a potential bf Well I hope that was somehow helpful. Good luck!
