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why do we feel the need?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sam, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. Sam

    Sam
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    now I'm not saying that this is true for all of us but for the most part why do we feel the need to come out to everyone I mean people don't just come up to me and tell me they are straight its an assumption that people are straight until they say otherwise right? is that right to immediately assume they are straight no but people do I just wish that I could introduce a girl as my girlfriend without having to come out to someone first and if I didn't come out to that person before hand I wish that it would still get a positive reaction without them being shocked. I guess I just have a problem with coming out I know I'm not the only one but still I hate it i really hate it when I have to come out to a friend or family member or someone close to me. I have to worry how I'm gonna say it, wonder what their reaction going to be, will they accept me or not, if they will stopping being a friend or in a family case disown me and I'm still deciding on how I'm going to tell my dad I thought I would be relieved after I told my mom but that only lasted a few months and now I feel the need to tell my dad I mean of all the people I "have" to tell my dad should be one of them along with my mom which is taken care of because how am I supposed to be in any real relationship with a girl if he doesnt know I cant avoid him forever anyway the point is that I hate feeling like I need to come out to certain people and I hate having to come out in general sorry for the long post Im just ranting thank you if you actually read all of this:confused:
     
  2. GuitarGirl1350

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    I think, at least in my case, we feel the need because people assume everyone is straight. And personally, I find it really, really aggravating when people assume that I lust for that" hot emo boy in the corner." I don't like men, I don't think people should have to assume that I do. And, it also poses the questino for later in your life. Do you want to have secret relationships all your life? Would you really be happy when you find that special someone and you have to keep it hush, you can't tell anyone because you don't want to be bothered by coming out?

    I'll admit there's certain people who I'm none too fond of coming out to, but is it going to stop me? Probobly not. Your real friends won't care. Some might, but if they really care about you and love you for you they won't. I can go on about fake friends, but lets face it- it hurts like hell when a friend leaves you over something stupid. Oh well. I think it's better to not have them than to have a fairweather friend.

    It's understandable that you dislike coming out to people but- and this is ONLY my opinion- it's nessacary. Unless, as i said, you'd like to live your life in secrecy. Maybe now is not the right time, but down the line it will be. Some times- especially in the begining- coming out is not an easy thing to do. The first time I did I was shaking horribly and felt as if I'd be sick. But it gets easier, and as you realize that people don't usually give two fiddlesticks one way or the other, you'll be happier. You'll also be more accepted and you won't have the feeling of "oh-no, what if he/she KNOWS?"

    You also probobly won't have a good relationship if it's kept under wraps. It won't be able to be nurtured outside your home, or wherever you're alone with the girl nurturing it. If the girl is anything like me, she'll hate being kept a secret as well.

    I hope I helped, best wishes.
     
  3. tired_of_lying411

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    you're right.. is IS necessary.

    You are a lesbian because its who you are. You are attracted to women... and the title of lesbian shouldn't have to mean that you live life keeping secrets. so it sucks, its hard, but we HAVE to tell many people... Like our parents and close friends, relatives even.

    Its just hard to make it happen sometimes... even when we KNOW it has to be done.
     
  4. Sam

    Sam
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    yeah I know I just hate it but see the only person who is left out of the people I want to know is my dad everybody I have told I have gotten a positive reaction to so I'm hoping it will be the same with my dad I guess we'll see
     
  5. Proud1p4

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    We feel the need because, unfortuneately....or at least in most cases....there IS a need to come out. Because society has this bullshit standard of heterosexuality (amongst many other bullshit standards). This is the world we live in as of today, maybe tomorrow (not literally) things will change...but until then, it is somewhat of a necessity to come out before hand to avoid unwanted shock (which probably will be the case anyway). Maybe you don't agree but i think that because of unjust standards, i think that we feel the need because the need is there...until we force a change upon the world.
     
  6. step49x

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    I'm pretty sure I've also ranted about this at one point or another. The whole 'coming out' can be so nerve wracking; why must we go through with it?

    I agree with everyone so far that has mentioned it is because of the standards. That's the main reason I started coming out a few months ago. It was to my parents, and I didn't want them to start setting any of the traditional college straight-guy collage standards for me. I don't want anyone to try and hook me up with any girls. I've had a girlfriend, and it was just frustrating.