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New here........So I'm a Questioning Girl?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LeannaReece, Feb 5, 2013.

  1. LeannaReece

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    Hello guys!
    First time being here, and I'm SO glad I found this site!
    So, basically, I think I like this girl, and I'm freaking out. :help:
    She's straight (has a boyfriend, too), and I don't even really know her all that well (just had 1 class with her), but whenever I would see her or someone would bring her up in conversation, I would panic because I was afraid someone would notice.
    She's so talented, and beautiful, and smart, and I don't know what the hell is going on.
    I should mention that I've had a history of semi-crush-things on girls, but I never really liked any girl as much as I like her.
    My best friend is very homophobic, so I can't tell him and I have no one else to turn to.
    At first, I thought I was going through a phase, because of a traumatic experience I had with a girl when I was 12, but now I'm 20 and it's not going away.....?
    Can someone help me out here? Am I becoming a lesbian or am I something else?

    -Leanna
     
  2. Phoenix

    Phoenix Guest

    Well, you can't "become" a lesbian. You either are and just haven't realized it yet or you're not. I mean your history of sort of having a crush on girls seems to indicate that you're attracted to them at least in some fashion. Maybe this girl is the first to hit all of the compatibility requirements for you. As for your question-do you like guys at all? Are you attracted to them, fantasize being with them etc?
     
  3. Tiny Catastrophe

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    First, welcome to EC. Second, that sounds quite a bit like how things were with me in the beginning except I was younger. And like I always tell people who are questioning, no one can tell you what you are. You have to take some time to think about and explore your feelings (not going out and hooking up with people. That's a bad idea). You have to ask yourself how do you feel when you think about being with girls and how you feel when you think about being with guys.
     
  4. LeannaReece

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    Yes, I do like guys, but I seem to like girls too.
    I kind of have a 'problem' with dividing how I feel about people sexually/emotionally.
    It sounds really stupid saying it, but like, I'm emotionally attracted to men, but I find it really hard to find them sexually appealing. Whereas with girls, I'm not as emotionally attracted to them, but I find them way more sexually appealing. Does that make sense?
    Even though this isn't 'new' to me, per say, it still feels very new.
     
  5. Tiny Catastrophe

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    It does make sense. See for me it was kind of the opposite when I first started questioning. Like I was attracted to girls but I could not imagine doing anything sexual with them. I kind of thought it was just too weird or whatever but I didn't have a problem doing things with guys. In hindsight I think it was because I was just used to being with guys so I was more comfortable with it (I certainly didn't enjoy it tho and I didn't even like kissing guys) but once some time passed and I started dating girls and doing more things I became more comfortable with things with girls and realized I actually liked it and well I'm clearly a lesbian so I got over that lol. If that makes sense
     
  6. Niko

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    It's possible that you're bi. But you could also be a mix. A mix between a heteroromantic which is like what you said not being able to like guys sexually, but maybe romantically; and with being a homosexual which obviously means you like the same sex sexually.

    In the end they're just labels right? You are who you are, and who ever you're attracted to is your business. :slight_smile:
     
  7. some nights

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    I'm still transitioning somewhat from questioning to complete acceptance that I'm a lesbian. I have accepted it for the most part, but some days I feel like there are some grey areas, but usually I know I like girls.

    At first I found I had no emotional attraction to boys and no sexual attraction to girls, kinda the opposite of you. But the sexual attraction evolved as I explored my feelings more. I don't think I ever "became" gay, I think I just realized it like the above people have said.

    I was the same way though with my crush, worrying people might notice, especially her. And she didn't have a boyfriend (then) and still to this day puzzles me.

    Good luck on your self-quest!! Try not to let labels get in the way too much as you try to figure things out!
     
  8. LeannaReece

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    Thanks guys. I finally feel like less of a freak!
    I think part of why I'm not as romantically/emotionally "into" girls is because I grew up being taught that "gay" was "bad". I feel guilty for liking this girl, because I know my family/friends would freak out if they knew. I come from a small town that's VERY religious (my family isn't really religious, though, but still homophobic), and there is no one like me where I live.