Hello everybody, new person here. The GLBT National Help Center's chat support is always busy, so I Googled around for other support places and here I am. I'm in my twenties and living at home with my parents, who are very religious in that fundamentalist sense. I go to a local university and I'm out to only a couple people on campus. It is a small city, and I have a lot of relatives in the area - some of whom are pretty involved in local religious groups, activities, etc. I tend to run into people pretty often that happen to know relatives of mine. Well, that happened today between classes. Someone overheard my last name, and asked if I was related to so and so. Long story short, this guy knows a whole ton of my religious relatives. Later in the day I was walking to my car with one of my close friends that I'm out to, and she made a joking comment about my crush on Miyavi and we were having a fun teasing conversation. Well, when I turn around to say bye to her when we get to my car, I see the guy from before. He just kept on walking, didn't say anything. I don't know if he heard our conversation or not. But what if he did, and what if he mentions it to one of my relatives? My dad's opinion is that "homosexuals deserve the death penalty." He said that, word for word. I'm just afraid that if this guy did hear us and says something to someone, I don't know what my dad or other relatives will do. Thanks for listening.
You shouldn't try to worry too much. It would seem extremely intrusive for this guy to just go around telling all of your relatives he knows - especially since I assume you guys have only ever had that brief conversation? But if you really do fear the worst.. maybe you should think of a plan to get away from your family.. I mean if things do get extremely negative or dangerous to you? Just as backup, to be safe. Or you could always try and pass the whole conversation with your friend off as a joke.
With the attitude you attribute to your parents, I'd say it's a good idea to always have a back up place to stay, just in case. Establish a strong friend/support base, and that'll help very much. I remember when I was closeted, every little thing would frighten me and I would try to come up with a story to tell just in case my parents found out. If you're afraid, come up with a story. It might weigh on your conscience that it's a lie, but that's what a back-up place to stay is for. Also, try to remember that this isn't all SET to happen-- that man might not have heard you; he may have heard you but will respect your privacy; he'll tell your parents and they'll accept and love you. You never know... It's good to be safe though. Good luck!
THIS IS EXACLTY my situation but in high school where all of my relatives are almost borderline extremist which is why i want to move away! but i don't think you're family would believe this guy over you unless u have a bad relationship with them (like i do with mines) and if they do you can play it off until you're ready to come out and have enough support.
People who are closeted always have extreme fears about other people finding out, and even more so with parents who are -- no offense intended -- batshit crazy in their beliefs about gay people. I think the chances of the guy hearing, giving enough of a crap to do something, and making the effort to out you are probably pretty close to zero. Although, I agree with the previous poster that having some sort of backup plan -- a friend's couch or something -- is always a good idea in circumstances like you're describing.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't really know how my dad would react. His temper is hard to predict. Some things will upset him in a millisecond, others put him a depressive mode. Its the backup place to stay that I'm concerned about. The vehicle I drive is owned by my dad, I live almost an hour out of the city. My friend who I mentioned lives even further away from me, and she and her girlfriend have a tiny little apartment. I wouldn't want to be a burden to them by asking them if I could stay there if things go south. I don't really have any one else in town that I'm close with now that my brother moved out of state. And maybe nothing will happen, like you all said. But its kind of like flying in an airplane: the odds may be against something bad happening, but if it did the consequences could be horrible. I just don't want to come home one day and he's found out and is in a rage.
Bless you, Kucial. Your parents sound very similar, if not identical, to mine. I know it's very hard. Try talking to your friend in the meantime. If she's a lesbian, she may be a lot more understanding and accommodating than you would expect. It can be very scary...I've been through the same thing. One of my frienemies and then my aunt tried to out me last year and it was extremely stressful because my parents are the same as yours. My Dad has severe anger and mental issues. I ended up having to cover up and deny the entire thing. I hated it. But I stand here today, looking back at that horrible time in my life, and things have gotten better. I'll be moving out very soon. One day you'll be able to look back with confidence and peace of mind because you'll be free from that fear. I promise. Hugs and all the best to you!
