1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

People with therapists, please read :)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Akatosh, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. Akatosh

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    0
    I got a new therapist this week, and I see him tomorrow. I'm really excited because I want to change in a healthier, more efficient way than I have been. I found a therapist who works with anxiety, depression, and most importantly, sexuality issues. We had a brief consultation on the phone, and I told him I want to work with gay issues and all the anxiety, depression that manifests from it. This is the first time ever that I've told a therapist my orientation, and I feel great for getting that out.

    I'm wondering who else has gone through therapy for sexuality issues, or is going through therapy, and what the experience has been like for you.

    1) What changed about your outlook on life?
    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?


    I understand that you get in what you put in, and I'm ready to give everything. I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life, that's fosho. I know it's a lot of questions, just answer ones that hit home with you the most. Feel free to elaborate, or answer questions I didn't list. Thanks all :icon_bigg
     
  2. prism

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2012
    Messages:
    749
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    1) What changed about your outlook on life?

    I think it reinforced something that I already knew, which is 'the only person that can help you is yourself.' I could sit in my counselor's office all day and cry about what was wrong, but only I could make the changes to get better.

    2 & 3) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)

    No, I just wanted help. I reached out for help when I couldn't stop crying during class, and most days I just couldn't manage to get out of bed. I just wanted to find out what was wrong with me and what I could do to move on.

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?

    Kind of. In general, I rarely cry, but I cried throughout each counselling session. I think it got easier to talk about certain things, but I always felt awful and ashamed to be there.

    I still don't talk to family or friends about personal issues because I don't want to be pitied.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?

    I think I have the opposite problem. I think about other people's problems too much and I don't focus on my own.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?

    To be honest, it didn't get any better. I refused medication because I thought (and still think) that I can pull myself together on my own. There are still really hard days where I just want to end it all, but I'm trying to use diet and exercise to control the chemical aspects of depression. Other than that, I'm taking one day at a time.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?

    I'm very outgoing in real life, and actually relatively popular. I was/am very active on campus and have a large circle of close friends. Since this whole depression thing started, I've become very distant and almost resentful of my friends. When I'm asked to go out I feel badgered because I just want to stay home.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?

    I'm still struggling through depression, so I can't answer this question. Hopefully somewhere down the road the answer will be "yes." This whole experience has helped me to gain a better understanding of those suffering from clinical depression/anxiety, which was something I brushed off as an imaginary illness that only existed in a person's head.
     
  3. PeteNJ

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NJ
    Great for you! I truly researched my therapist before hand. I got names of 6 or 7 LGBT therapists -- looked at their websites, googled them, read the PhD thesis from my "top 2" and the guy I'm working with is an amazing fit. He takes no crap from me... and pushes me... to deal with the tough stuff.

    He wanted goals from me at the 2nd session -- I outlined 3 goals and said I wanted some relief in 4 months (and I said, that's kind of a line in the sand obviously, but I can't go a year feeling this bad about everything. Here they are...

    In (four?) months:
    I want to define my sexual orientation, be accepting of my sexual orientation, choose how I want to live, and create a vision of what my life will be like as a straight?/gay?/bi? man. And what steps I need to take to get there
    I want to be able to communicate clearly, openly, honestly with (current girlfriend) about our relationship and its future.
    I want to have in place at least the beginnings of a supportive community

    So:
    I am not stuck in this rut
    I have beaten this depression.
    I am happy with who I am and the life I see ahead

    1) What changed about your outlook on life?
    I had to accept that I'm really gay. And that I couldn't live a closeted life and be happy.
    One of the exercises he had me do is write down my "straight" life and "gay" life. It was astonishing to me to see just how early in my life I knew I was something different...

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    Well, I could not stand the depression and chaos in my head -- that's what I knew had to change for me.

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    Since I started therapy, I now realize to live a great, out, gay life I need to be more outgoing, assertive, confident. I had been a guy who pretty much let others handle the social agenda. And I need to take that on for myself now.

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    Well, I'm starting to come out to people, so that would be a yes.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    Not yet, some days I'm still obsessed with getting this all done and while I realize how far I've come, I also realize I can't stop working on me.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    My depression is 10,000% better. Its awesome. Some days, yes, I do have anxiety about exactly ho I'm going to live and out, gay life.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    No boyfriend. To be blunt, I'm looking for fun and sex before a relationship. Not ready for that. I'm part of 3 different gay support groups. Making friends in each of them, which is very cool.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?
    Don't know yet. I'd say that all the gay men (and lesbian women, and trans folk), have been fantastic to me -- open, friendly, listening, comforting. So in that regard yes. And coming out to my best friend, a BIG life lesson is I should have trusted him long ago. he is a great friend.

    THIS IS AN AWESOME THREAD!! Thanks
     
  4. Sartoris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    1) I've become more conscious of my fear of rejection and how I avoid connecting with people in order to not experience that.

    2) Yes.

    3) To be more motivated in pursuing things, whether short or long-term, that I want to achieve or actualise. Also to be more comfortable engaging with other people, in particular with women since in coming to terms with my sexuality I've had to reasses how I actually felt about them, and essentially learn how to 'be myself.'

    4) Somewhat, though it's something that I'll have to continue working on for some time yet.

    5) No, but I'd generally say I'm pretty conscious of others already, which in turn made me extremely self-conscious of and thus restrain myself often. If anything I'm trying to maintain a balance of being aware of others, but without the need to hold myself back.

    6) If I'm feeling especially depressed or frustrated in the time leading up to my next appointment, I usually feel at least a little better afterward.

    7) No relationship, starting to socialise a little more but no good friends as of yet.

    8) Perhaps nothing immediate, but I am slowly pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone and less anxious about interacting with people in general.
     
  5. photoguy93

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2012
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Olaf
    1) What changed about your outlook on life?
    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?

    I've been in therapy for about 5 years, with a few breaks in between. I go for my anxiety, but am trying to start work on fixing my sexuality issues.

    1. Well, I only sort of think I'm nuts. I use to think I was a completely crazy nut job. That make sense? Essentially, I'm not super hard on myself.

    2. I really just wanted to be normal! My anxiety was so bad. I just couldn't be myself. I'm not at a point where I'm a college student with bad anxiety. It's not totally ruling my life. So yes, I wanted to just become normal.

    3. Again, I just didn't want to let this anxiety rule my life.

    4. Yes and no. There's still things I am not actively going to blurp out to my therapist, because I don't really want to (sex, etc.)

    5. More? No. I have always thought of others. Actually, It's been the reverse, which is a good thing to me. I was consistently looking at the lost causes or the hopeless people that weren't looking back at me. I wasn't spending time doing things that really could help those in need. I don't help others to get things in return, but I want to be able to help those that appreciate it.

    6. My anxiety isn't really going anywhere, but my panic is definitely going away. It's still not perfect, but I'm working on it. I have Panic Disorder, so it just takes a lot of work!

    7. Haha. A relationship? Nope. I've met a few people, but nothing is working. There's this one guy, but I have very high standards, and I'm not feeling it. Maybe that's something I need to work on. And friends? Ummm.... not really. I'm a pretty social person, but I consistently picked the people who had a shit ton of problems. My close group of friends, now, is changing. I have one who is leaving for college this summer, and the rest don't even live here. Two are in relationships (one is going to have a baby)... so it's changing.

    8. No.. I still judge myself. I'll make some comments...

    I'm glad I did this because maybe it's a good thing for me to use in therapy. The majrority of my therapy (looking back) has been me repeating the same stuff. "I am sure I'm crazy, I'll never stop this worrying, etc...etc.." But there's other stuff. Maybe I'm just spending too much time on my anxiety. I have many other things to do, places to see, and people to meet.

    I'm glad I answered those...maybe it's really going to help!
     
  6. Oddish

    Oddish Guest

    1) What changed about your outlook on life? I used to be a fairly negative person who never wanted to take risks out of fear and resentment. I never wanted to do anything, I saw life as something pointless, and was brash with my head in the clouds never wanting to take things seriously.

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.) I wanted to become accepting of myself. Love the flaws and quirks of me that I didn't like. Learn to have my feet on the ground, to not feel so afraid and to deal with rejection properly and move on.

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident) I'm already a fairly assertive and outgoing person in 'real life', but I still had many insecurities I wanted to learn to deal with. And I wanted to learn to not be so sensitive of others' comments and remarks. Learn that I'm better than those who try to belittle me.

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down? Definitely. I feel much more secure around my friends, classmates, coworkers and people in general, daily life. I don't feel as bottled up or worried that somebody's thinking bad about me or is going to insult me at any given moment.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems? Not much of a change there, because I care about other people immensely and as an extrovert I focus more on people than issues, including my own at times. I do feel much more free rather than stuck in a tunnel of depression.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase? Anxiety decreased fairly. I still have some, but it's not nearly as bad as it was when I was 15/16. I used to be afraid of answering phones, going to friends' houses, going to work. Now I love it all and embrace it all because I love social contact too much that anxiety can't bring me down.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow? Not in therapy. I've always had a decent circle of friends since, again, I'm an outgoing person in real life with a certain charisma and sense of humour that attracts people to me. I suppose I'm more open to going out with friends now, and I've learned to be more comfortable with being alone, as well.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself? I've never had a problem making friends. I suppose it was easier with therapy, since I've learned to not be so over-sensitive. I've approached more people, have done more 'rebellious' things, and feel comfortable in my own skin for the most part.
     
  7. Just Jess

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denver
    1) What changed about your outlook on life?

    I felt a lot better about myself just in general. I'm naturally really down on myself and feel really bad about things. Having another point of view is a huge help. It's way easier to focus on the things I need to focus on and not the drama or stuff I can't control.

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)

    Kinda sorta, see 3.

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)

    I have a lot riding on me right now and how well I'm doing. So mostly I wanted to make sure that I could actually do all the things that are expected of me so I could graduate and get a good job. That was 90% of why I went. Not really changing, just wanting to reinforce what's there so it doesn't fall apart.

    But the other 10% was me wanting to change definitely. More outgoing and confident for sure.

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?

    I've been trying to put my guard down more often. So I can't really say for sure whether therapy helped with this since I was working on this before. But yes.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?

    I've been trying to do the exact opposite for a while. I mean I'm not a saint either but I do catch myself on the doormat side more than I like. But no, I still have that "try to be everything to everyone" aspect to me. Maybe it'll go away with time, or maybe I'll find better ways to get what I want too.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?

    DECREASE, both, tons.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?

    No, and not yet. I guess it's early for me though.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?

    Same as 7.
     
  8. Akatosh

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    0
    What an amazing response from everyone! I relate to a lot of your responses and want to try to comment on what everyone has posted so far. My main worry (always worrying) is that what I'm expecting out of therapy is an idealistic picture, and while obtainable, not a realistic model of comparison. I don't want to place unrealistic expectations on myself after my first/second/third session, basically. I'm lumping 2 & 3 together. I'll do this in two parts: this is taking longer than I thought it would, which is fine, I just have to eat dinner soon.

    1) What changed about your outlook on life?

    @prism - That's such an empowering realization, and is something you have to experience to actually 'know' the saying 'the only person that can help you is yourself.' I think it's a good sign that you were crying in your sessions, imo. With my last therapist (a woman), I had a lot of trust issues with her (maybe women in general), and I would never let my guard down. Because of that, I never cried, except once on the first session. I originally went for CBT to treat my panic attacks, depression, and inability to make it through an entire semester without having a meltdown. When I realized I would have to surrender and tell her about deeper issues, I shut down emotionally, and our sessions made me feel like a sociopath.

    @PeteNJ - I think in trying to satisfy everyone, you develop an 'idea' of being bisexual. That's not to say that there aren't varying degrees of sexuality, but for me, and a lot of people I've talked to "bisexuality is just a bus stop to gay-ville". That saying really hurt me the first time I heard it, because I do have attractions to women, just not the ones that satisfy a lasting relationship; hetero-romantic, I guess would be the phrase to use. That sounds like a great exercise. I'm writing that down on my 'to do' list, lol.

    @Josh S - I totally understand the fear of rejection, and think it's the main cause of my extreme social anxiety, especially when talking to someone I wouldn't mind dating. I turn red, my mind races, I don't know if I'm breathing or not, and I reply in canned self-conscious responses. It's ugly, to me at least. So, when I'm able to tell if someone is interested in me (friends, more than friends), I will avoid eye contact, and I might as well be the emotional great wall of China.

    @photoguy93 - Yeah, I get what you're saying. I sometimes think my brain is broken, and used to think I was a sociopath. In reality, we aren't computer manufactured out of a factory. If you use a bell-curve as an example, humans would have a broad bell-curve, but I tend to think everyone should operate the same way like a very narrow bell-curve. I asked a lot of close friends if they thought I was a sociopath, and they looked at me like I was joking. I've survived some insane times in my life, and those were only temporary; normally onset by 'this and that' (alcohol).

    @Oddish - I had an extreme dark period from 13.5-15.5, where I developed a lot of my current unhealthy self-views. Around the age of 13/14 is the same time I started binge drinking (not quite what people view as alcoholic, but in reality, is a definite sign). It wasn't until I turned 24 did I accept myself and not want to destroy my life anymore.

    @cassie29 - The serenity prayer literally saved my life. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."


    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)

    @prism - I get a sense that emotions are very direct-acting on your mood. What I mean is, you don't stuff emotions and have them crop up in other areas of your life. I don't cry that often, when I do, it's normally because I recall a memory of my grandfather. Those times catch me off guard. I really loved that guy.

    @PeteNJ - That's also what I want for myself. I'm having a hard time discerning between stereotypes I see in my head and confident, assertive, out-going gay men. That's all self-image, insecurity, and other shallow thoughts that have deep roots (paradox?). There's a guy in my class this semester who personally represents what a confident, assertive gay man is. I sorta have a huge crush on him, but I don't know if now would be the best time meeting him. I'm graduating this semester, so I want to at least make friends with him by semester's end. I just don't feel like I'm there yet - does that make sense? I'm having a huge fear of rejection when I see him. Gotta get over that soon! To me, it'd be a step forward talking to him - learning how to be assertive, and in developing confidence.

    @Josh S - Yup. That's how I feel, especially about ex-girlfriends. I wonder when should I tell them; what is our friendship going to be like after; will she be mad. When I meet new girls and they seem to like me, I really don't know how to handle it. I remain their friend, and ignore their emotional advancements. I wonder, how do I tell them that I will only be their 'gay friend', and then I have a host of stereotypes that hit me in the face. On goes the anxiety, the depression it causes, and the anger/frustration caused after those two phases pass.

    @photoguy93 - Remember, "normal" is a setting on a washing machine. haha.. I always hated when people would say that. It's a reminder that what we are striving for might be impossible to obtain, but what people normally mean is "something that's not me at the moment". Anxiety has ran my life before I was even a teenager. I think it is an unnecessary side of effect of some personalities, and genetics have a large role in that too, parents upbringing, etc.

    @Oddish - I was really outgoing early on in college, and made a lot of friends. Something changed in me at some point. I knew I couldn't live misrepresenting myself my entire life. I wanted to be emotionally and physically close to someone, but I didn't know how to get to that point - I am still figuring that one out.

    @cassie29 - It's taken me 9 years to finish school. While I wasn't enrolled in school 2.5 years of that 9, I couldn't want anything more for myself than to accomplish my undergraduate degree. Now that I'm graduating in 3 months, I want to change the underlying issues that are causing so much distress. As I exit this stage in my life, I want to shed the other 'crap' that I've been holding on to. What a way to start the next stage in life, right?




    I have to go eat dinner. I appreciate the comments and the style of conversation happening. It seems less random and much more purposeful than a lot of posts. Sorry to anyone who posted after I typed this. I started and stopped several times in the past 3 hours. (&&&)
     
  9. B06SAJ1a

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2013
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Large city in the Southeast U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I haven't finished reading all of the above, so pardon me for that. Rather than enumerate responses to each question, I simply want to say that it's common (if not, almost universal) that we go into therapy with an agenda and with a "want" list. The truth for me is that any number of the things that I wanted to happen did not. I had to learn to be more open to the experience of life - how it formed me (sort of the fate piece); accept mysef as a same-sex person; accept the past; appreciate the blessings and curses of my life; learn more about my limitations (essentially, who I really am); and that life is mysterious and I'm a small part of a cosmic miracle. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I think I'll be okay and that the universe is my friend. If another problem occurs, I hope to work through it and to learn from it. Each day dawns new. The sky is a wondrous thing, as is all of nature. People are multi-faceted and there are many out there who are loving and giving. Life is not easy, but we'll be alright. C.G. Jung once said, " Please remember - it's what you ARE that heals, not what you know".
     
  10. Sartoris

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Akatosh: Gonna sort of try and respond to both of your comments in one response, since I think they're somewhat related.

    While my social anxiety is not that extreme, nor is it limited to people I'd consider dating, rejection has been the main cause as well. As a result, I haven't socialised as much or frequently as others within my agegroup and it's been that, in part, which fed my confusion regarding my sexuality.

    Mainly in not being able to differentiate between being drawn or feeling close to someone emotional, who may happen to be attractive, and what it feels like to be romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone. All the more so since I haven't had any intimate experience with another person, of either sex, to go on, just my 'gut' feelings. Regarding the latter point, with women it's like I have to readjust as to how I experience things, since I just don't have 'that' desire and yet am living in a world where it'd be assumed that I should.

    I hear you on the emotional thing, though. Does that have to do with the sort of interactions you're accustomed to, even with friends? I know that the lack of feeling significant towards or affection from peers has kinda fucked me up. It'll take time, but as long as you're acknowledging the issue, it can be worked on. On the second point, I'm not sure how one would go about that situation either, other than it's best to be up front about yourself someway or other. You don't have to think of it as being their "gay friend," but simply acknowledging that the feelings you have for them are different than what they personally want in a partner and hopefully they'll respect that.
     
  11. ilovecats

    ilovecats Guest

    1) What changed about your outlook on life?
    Surely not therapy. I think my life has gotten better due to me realising life isn't all that bad. Therapy did help me get better at sharing my feelings though, which did help me become more successful in life.

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    Yeah, without change I'd be dead by now.

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    I wanted to be more social, confident, positive, and just a happier person in general.

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    Yes, I'm no longer anxious and looking around the room to see who's looking at me. I feel secure.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    Yeah, now that I'm not so focused on my own problems, I can help other people.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    First increased, them decreased recently. For years I was bad off, even with therapy.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    After awhile of therapy, I had zero friends. But then I decided to put myself out there and make friends and connect with old friends. Now I have about five good friends, and many decent friends.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?
    Yes, I am much better at making friends now that I understand life better.
     
  12. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    178
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    1) What changed about your outlook on life?

    It was all just a phase for me - at first thinking I was bisexual, then completely gay (lesbian) and then again bisexual. Finally figured it out (I hope!). I have mentioned it to my previous psychiatrist and he was supportive and accepting about it.

    Then I got a new therapist (due to other reasons) and explained everything to her. Can't really say whether or not she was supportive of it or not but we never went into details about it either. And since it was just a phase for me, we haven't touched on the subject again...

    I can't really say that anything changed my outlook on life though. If anything, I've become more negative about everyday things, and overall disappointed with my family's closed mindedness and conservative ways :confused:

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)

    Yes

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)

    About myself: Be more outgoing and confident. About others: To be supportive and accepting of the LGBT community as a whole

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?

    After I came out to friends (and on FB) I was able to be myself a lot more. And now that I told everyone that I'm actually straight for the most part, I feel at ease with everyone knowing about the phase I went through, and how I feel about things now. I felt at the time that I could be myself and not put up this front or wear a mask. And even now, I feel more at ease about myself and still finding my own space and discovering myself

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own
    problems?


    I was able to relate more to others who were going through more or less the same things, so it did shift my focus towards others rather than my own problems

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?

    It increased, because I wasn't getting approval or support from family/parents, and probably never would've

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?

    The relationship I was in wasn't as a result of therapy, and I didn't gain any new friends

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of
    yourself?


    I'm a pretty reserved and quiet/shy person, so I didn't find it easier then - and I still don't now - to connect with others, also didn't (and still don't) find it easier to talk to others, even existing friends. I'm more of an observer than a talker in general. However, during all my questioning, etc. I felt more comfortable within myself about how others perceive me. I'm still not 100% certain if I've made the right decisions regarding my sexuality, but for the most part, I know I'm mostly straight, with the ability to build a close emotional relationship with women. That's about all there is to it...
     
    #12 Ruby Dragon, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  13. Brent2013

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I am happy reading this thread, because I still have issues on myself, I am thankful that I don't have big problems in my life but issues with yourself is really hard to deal with. Friends can help a little because you feel there support if you feeling down ( eventhough they didn't know the whole issues, only the feeling of my depression and anxiety) but I think I need to see therapist but I know not all therapist can help me with myself, and I want to keep this session with my family and friends ever. Hope I can find a good one.

    All the questions above, are my question to myself too. Hope someday I have the answers for that.
     
  14. B06SAJ1a

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2013
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Large city in the Southeast U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay


    ....just want to thank you for this post. I identify very much with your experience and it's very meaningful to hear it stated this way. Thanks again.

    ---------- Post added 7th Feb 2013 at 12:48 PM ----------

    ....we're going to keep our fingers crossed for you that you'll hook-up with someone who will help you deepen trust and intimacy. Strike forth on that search, Brent! .... Kind regards...:thumbsup:
     
  15. Jim

    Jim
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2012
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    Yes and no. I wanted my depression and anxiety to end, but I never wanted to have to gain weight.

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    My depression/ cutting/ anxiety/ relationship issues

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    Yes. I worked with my therapist about not building a wall between myself and others. It's hard but I suppose I'm getting there.

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    I'm not a very sympathetic person..

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    Decreased, but it's not gone away. Sometimes it gets bad again.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    I found a relationship, but I don't think it was due to me having therapy. My friendship circle stayed the same.

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?
    I'm not comfortable with myself, but I did make a new friend, though again, I don't think that's down to therapy.
     
  16. aeva

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2012
    Messages:
    749
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New York
    I'm going to try really hard not to be a downer with this, but we'll see what happens.

    1) What changed about your outlook on life?
    Realizing that I need help sometimes

    2) Did you want to change? (i.e. become a better person, be more outgoing, etc.)
    Yes

    3) What did you want to change? (i.e. be more positive, outgoing, assertive, confident)
    Depression, suicidal tendencies, family issues, specific phobia

    4) Have you been more susceptible to putting your guard down?
    I've always been a really open person. I'll tell anybody anything

    5) Were you able to think about others more, rather than thinking about your own problems?
    I've always had the opposite problem. I focus on others because it's too hard to try and fix myself.

    6) Did you anxiety and depression decrease/increase?
    My depression hits every 2 years, regardless of whether or not I'm in therapy. Anti-depressants up my anxiety though.

    7) Did you find a relationship in part to joining therapy? Did your circle of friends grow?
    Nope

    8) Were you able to make friends easier after finding comfort and understanding of yourself?
    After 10 years of therapy, nothing has really changed about me. It sometimes keeps me from getting worse, but it's never made me 'better'. So not particularly.