So me my best friend and my boyfriend went to lunch and sat down. It was horribly silent. I tried to break the silence with asking a question (for you guys who don't know what happened my best friend groped my ass and I pushed him away and told my boyfriend) I asked if anyone wanted a snack. My best friend said yes and that he wanted to go up with me. My boyfriend said he didn't want anything but still wanted to go up with us. So we walked up and stood in line for about 5 minutes saying nothing. We walked back to the table and eat in silence. I had enough of being in the quiet and said that we all needed to talk. So we talked and i thought it was going smoothly but then my boyfriend said something to piss my best friend off. They started to grab each other like they were going to fight. I told them to stop but both of them told me chose one or the other (they want me to chose between them). They both stormed off and left. Im sitting at the table all alone thinking I cant chose who i want to be with my best friend or my boyfriend. I'm trying to think of a solution to keep both of them but I really can't think of one. Can you guys give me an idea of what I should do?
"If you're going to make me choose between you, I'm choosing neither one. I want my boyfriend as my boyfriend, and my friend as my friend. That's it." Lex
My girlfriend put me in a similar situation making me choose between a friend I had for 17 years or her. My friend had claimed he was in love with me (although I thought he was more obsessed with me than "in love") for years and I came out to him and he took some time and claimed he was over me and we continued the friendship (and he was apparently not over me but I didn't notice that). From my girlfriend's perspective she had felt like she was competing with him for me (even tho she knew she had my love and I didn't have any feelings for him beyond friendship) because he was still there and he was still "had me in a way" as she had put it. And it hurt her that I wanted someone around who had feelings for me and who in the past had made inappropriate gestures towards me. In the end I chose to cut ties with my friend which turned out to be for the better. He didn't understand boundaries and he had tried (and successfully at times) to sabotage any of my relationships. And my girlfriend and I are very serious and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her so I chose to go with my heart even tho I did feel bad for cutting ties with my friend. Now I guess in your situation it depends on how serious you and your boyfriend are. But it is very inappropriate for someone to grab at you in a sexual way when they know you are in a relationship and it's also a bit disrespectful to you and your relationship. And trust me in the beginning I was like you saying I don't want to have to choose between the person I love and a good friend but once I really thought about everything like how much I love my girlfriend and how much I was hurting her and if I would be happy without her and holding onto my friendship with my friend and I realized that she's the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. Not to mention that in hindsight he really was not a good friend at all.
The problem with this situation is that I grew up with him since I lived in new York. It was pure luck that we both moved into PA in the same area. But I do feel serious feelings towards my boyfriend I just wish their was a way I could fix both relationships.:icon_sad:
Like I said I was friends with this kid for 17 years and he had moved away when we were younger and we reconnected years later and became best friends. And I know how you feel about wanting to make it work but sometimes that isn't possible. It took me a long time to figure out what the right thing to do was. But your friend was being very inappropriate by grabbing you not to mention disrespectful. So what does that say about your friendship? And do you and your boyfriend feel that you have a serious, long term relationship? That would be a big factor in determining what to do (it was for me).
I just wanted to say that everything is fine I sat down with them and told them that I wouldn't chose between a person I knew my whole life and a person I'm in love with. Thanks for the advice it really helped me decide (even though I told you that I would ask tomorrow I asked today cause I'm impatient) AND NOW THIER FRIENDS! What a day... Anyway thank you so much take care!
